Jokes Master Thread

[yitrap]

IMO, it will lose all of the humor in translation, you have to know Israeli Lita'im in order to understand it (I myself, am fluent in Hebrew, and only got 90% of it)

will definitely lose all flavor.

[Yehuda57]

<img src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/tapatalk-emoji/emoji115.png" /> translation?

Lithuanian ultra-Orthodox father explains:
- Dad, how do we beat the Greeks?
- God willing.
- So what were the Maccabees?
- They were just soldiers. God helped them, God, and thank God they won.
- The Maccabees were soldiers?
- Uh ... Soldiers of God, God of hosts.
- So the Maccabees were Lubavitcher!
- No! No! God forbid!! They were Lithuanians.
- Judah Maccabee Arms?
- yes.
- So Judah Maccabee was a secular or non?
- God forbid, why secular or non?
- But only secular and non-Jews go to the army.
- A time when religious and go to the army.
- Why did the Maccabees went to the army and we do not?
- That today, the Torah protects us.
- Then the Torah did not protect them?
- Maybe go with Moishe read some Mishnah?
- Secondary Maccabees learned?
- Studied Torah. Much of the Torah.
- Did not work?
- God forbid.
- So Antiochus gave them money?
- No. They worked and made money here and there.
- Black as David Yanki?
- Yanki not work in black!
- So what worked Mattathias?
- He was a farmer.
- Matisyahu was Thai?
- D forbid, why Thailand?
- So how does it work in the fields with a white shirt?
- And how do you know he wore a white shirt?
- Moishe told me that a real Jew goes only in a white shirt.
- You too much with this Moishe. But he's right.
- What did the Maccabees want?
- They wanted an independent Jewish state, they would run.
- Is that what we want?
- Yes, but we can not say that. We are not Zionists.
- Dad, I want to be a Maccabee, a Zionist, soldier !!
- Gevald! What happened to you?!
- Laughing Dad, I'm going to show the Shwekey.
- Oh, good. Give my regards to the family of Moishe.

[David Smith]

Meh.

[skyguy918]

- Judah Maccabee Arms had a weapon?

- Off the books like Uncle Black as David Yanki? [ie on the black market, or something to that effect]

[Something Fishy]

Stopped being funny with the very first word, when ליטאי was translated as Lithuanian.

[dudi]

Stopped being funny with the very first word, when ליטאי was translated as Lithuanian.

Translation killed it.
If was one of the better ones I have read in a long time. But I did grow in that envirmont

[David Smith]

Translation killed it.
If was one of the better ones I have read in a long time. But I did grow in that envirmont

Wasn't just killed in translation; it wasn't even a translation.

[etech0]

Wasn't just killed in translation; it wasn't even a translation.

Seems to me that the translation was a joke unto itself

[David Smith]

Seems to me that the translation was a joke unto itself

This translation was much better.

[etech0]

This translation was much better.

Yup!

[Work-for-ur-muny]

You can't translate an attitude and a mentality...  ...which basically makes up 98% of the joke

[dudi]

You can't translate an attitude and a mentality...  ...which basically makes up 98% of the joke

+1%

[mb1]

Stopped being funny with the very first word, when ליטאי was translated as Lithuanian.

What is the definition of ליטאי? Is it charadi?

[Something Fishy]

What is the definition of ליטאי? Is it charadi?

In this context, litvak.

[Work-for-ur-muny]

In this context, litvak greaseball.

FTFY

[TimT]

My boss is notorious for hanging up annoying little "motivational" signs in every which corner. One day he even went as far as to tape up a bright yellow sign above the men's room sink that read: "Think!"
The next day my co-workers and I had a good laugh when we went to the men's room. Right below my boss's sign, just above the soap dispenser, someone had posted another sign. It read: "Thoap!"
HT: CY

[stbaum]

My boss is notorious for hanging up annoying little "motivational" signs in every which corner. One day he even went as far as to tape up a bright yellow sign above the men's room sink that read: "Think!"
The next day my co-workers and I had a good laugh when we went to the men's room. Right below my boss's sign, just above the soap dispenser, someone had posted another sign. It read: "Thoap!"
HT: CY

seriously ALOLing over here!

[chaimmayer]

We came,up with a corny joke at my Shabbos table this week.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Bracha v'hatzlucha to you too

[chaimmayer]

I'm getting the feeling that you don't belong in Lakewood. (No offense).

[joeberg]

I'm getting the feeling that you don't belong on DDF. (No offense).

FTFY