Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 705093 times)

Offline yochiek93

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1940 on: December 24, 2015, 02:07:58 PM »
We came,up with a corny joke at my Shabbos table this week.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Bracha v'hatzlucha to you too
huh

Offline Joe4007

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1941 on: December 24, 2015, 02:11:44 PM »

Offline yochiek93

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1942 on: December 24, 2015, 02:13:35 PM »
Check out Lipa's album.
since when does R' chaim say boo who?

Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1943 on: December 24, 2015, 02:19:04 PM »
since when does R' chaim say boo who?
I think it's more like boo-huh.

Offline yochiek93

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1944 on: December 24, 2015, 02:19:58 PM »
I think it's more like boo-huh.
I've heard him say booah

Offline Joe4007

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1945 on: December 24, 2015, 02:20:09 PM »
since when does R' chaim say boo who?
Whatever. It does say "jokes" in the title.

Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1946 on: December 24, 2015, 02:23:27 PM »
I've heard him say booah
Maybe I'm wrong. I've been there only before it was acronymized...  ;)

Offline sedge

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1947 on: December 25, 2015, 11:29:54 PM »
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?


Give me my quarterback

Offline Dr Moose

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1948 on: December 31, 2015, 06:20:34 PM »
How do you get 100 old ladies to yell "F**K" at the same time?  Get one lady to yell "BINGO"
Hey there! I am using DansDeals Forums.

Offline lechatchileh ariber

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1949 on: December 31, 2015, 07:28:06 PM »
א מגיד שיעור האט אפגעשטעלט א בחור און ער זאגט אים כ'הער אז די ביזט אויף חשיש,
פרעגט די בחור פון וואנענט ווייסט איר,
עטפערט ער אים, "א קליין פייגל איז מיר געקומען אויסזאגן"
זאגט דער בחור "אהא, הייסט עס אזוי, צום מגיד שיעור קומען רעדן די פייגלעך, און איך בין אויף חשיש" ?!
I don't sin, I give myself opportunities to repent.

Offline mendy from lakewood

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1950 on: December 31, 2015, 08:09:01 PM »
א מגיד שיעור האט אפגעשטעלט א בחור און ער זאגט אים כ'הער אז די ביזט אויף חשיש,
פרעגט די בחור פון וואנענט ווייסט איר,
עטפערט ער אים, "א קליין פייגל איז מיר געקומען אויסזאגן"
זאגט דער בחור "אהא, הייסט עס אזוי, צום מגיד שיעור קומען רעדן די פייגלעך, און איך בין אויף חשיש" ?!
english please?
"Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated, Trust is gained, Loyalty is returned"

Offline David Smith

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1951 on: December 31, 2015, 08:13:15 PM »
english please?
(I love doing this.:D )
A preacher limit has blocked a young man and he says it kh'her that the bizt on fear,
Asks the young man from whence you know,
Etfert him, "A Little Birds is we went looking statements"
Says the boy "Aha, ie it so, for the preacher limit come speak the feyglekh, and I'm in fear"?!
^^ Google translate. Seriously;

A teacher told his disciple "I know you're on weed". The disciple asked "From where does Teacher know?" The teacher answered "A little bird told me". To which the student replied "Teacher is conversing with birds, and he thinks I'm on weed?!"
« Last Edit: December 31, 2015, 08:16:41 PM by David Smith »
Who do you think you are fooling? You think you are going to pull a quick one on your Creator? Good luck with that.
JTZ

Offline Centro

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1952 on: December 31, 2015, 08:15:43 PM »
(I love doing this.:D )
A preacher limit has blocked a young man and he says it kh'her that the bizt on fear,
Asks the young man from whence you know,
Etfert him, "A Little Birds is we went looking statements"
Says the boy "Aha, ie it so, for the preacher limit come speak the feyglekh, and I'm in fear"?!
Alol

Offline Chapshnell

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1953 on: January 05, 2016, 11:24:14 PM »
A chusid & a litvak were walking in Yerushalayim on a Shabbos afternoon in Elul, a car drives by.. The chusid starts screaming SHHHHHAAABBOS!! The litvak starts screaming ELUUUUUUUL!!!

Offline David Smith

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1954 on: January 05, 2016, 11:26:19 PM »
A chusid & a litvak were walking in Yerushalayim on a Shabbos afternoon in Elul, a car drives by.. The chusid starts screaming SHHHHHAAABBOS!! The litvak starts screaming ELUUUUUUUL!!!
And yet you screamed ELUL before...
Who do you think you are fooling? You think you are going to pull a quick one on your Creator? Good luck with that.
JTZ

Offline Centro

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1955 on: January 05, 2016, 11:32:00 PM »
A chusid & a litvak were walking in Yerushalayim on a Shabbos afternoon in Elul, a car drives by.. The chusid starts screaming SHHHHHAAABBOS!! The litvak starts screaming ELUUUUUUUL!!!
:D

Offline DMYD

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1956 on: January 05, 2016, 11:40:37 PM »
A chusid & a litvak were walking in Yerushalayim on a Shabbos afternoon in Elul, a car drives by.. The chusid starts screaming SHHHHHAAABBOS!! The litvak starts screaming ELUUUUUUUL!!!
True Story?

Offline Chapshnell

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1957 on: January 06, 2016, 12:05:18 AM »
True Story?

shoin, laugh or say "corny" & move on. lol

Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1958 on: January 06, 2016, 03:06:22 PM »
Maybe repost.
A baal darshan was once repeating by his derasha what the gemara says that when the tana r yonasan ben uziel was learning any bird that flew above him was immediately burned from his kedushas hatorah. There were three types of reactions amongst participants:
  • Chussid: Wow! Such kedushas hatorah!!
  • Litvak: It's a serious shaaila because it may have been someone's bird so he may have to pay it back. Men ken kleren...
  • Yekee: Oh, what a shame that such a beautiful bird had to die...

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1959 on: January 06, 2016, 08:26:18 PM »
Maybe repost.
A baal darshan was once repeating by his derasha what the gemara says that when the tana r yonasan ben uziel was learning any bird that flew above him was immediately burned from his kedushas hatorah. There were three types of reactions amongst participants:
  • Chussid: Wow! Such kedushas hatorah!!
  • Litvak: It's a serious shaaila because it may have been someone's bird so he may have to pay it back. Men ken kleren...
  • Yekee: Oh, what a shame that such a beautiful bird had to die...
Similarly I heard in the name of Rabbi Hirshprung A"H from Montreal:

In Bava Basra Daf 23b it says that they kicked Rabbi Yirmia out of the Beis Medrash and then in Daf 165b it says that they allowed him back in. How long he wasn't allowed in for? It depends what kind of Beis Medrash it was, if it was a Chassidishe Beis Medrash, then from Daf 23 to 165 was no more than half a year, but if it was a Litvishe Beis Medrash then it must have taken at least 10 years...