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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 367390 times)

Offline username

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2160 on: August 25, 2016, 03:48:59 PM »
E.B. White Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.

Next.
^^^

Offline Centro

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2161 on: September 04, 2016, 08:20:30 PM »
I get home from the mountains and as we start unpacking my wife says she is going to mincha

Offline whYME

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2162 on: September 04, 2016, 08:50:47 PM »
I get home from the mountains and as we start unpacking my wife says she is going to mincha

Is this your wife?

Offline hachover

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2163 on: September 04, 2016, 08:54:46 PM »
No tcheiles? Zicher not
I'm an optimist; but only because life isn't going to give me any other good choices.

Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2164 on: September 04, 2016, 08:57:55 PM »
Is this your wife?
Women Of The Mall...

Offline ExGingi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2165 on: September 08, 2016, 06:50:02 PM »
This is the story of a young college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, grabs the radio and calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me. Please help me".

She then hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have heard you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She then says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Trump".

"O.K." says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me:
"Our Father Who art in Heaven....."
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline AnonymousUser

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2166 on: September 08, 2016, 11:33:14 PM »


This is the story of a young college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, grabs the radio and calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me. Please help me".

She then hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have heard you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She then says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Bernie".

"O.K." says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me:
"Our Father Who art in Heaven....."
FTFY.

Offline ExGingi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2167 on: September 09, 2016, 12:06:25 AM »
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline Freddie

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2168 on: September 09, 2016, 01:52:51 AM »
I get home from the mountains and as we start unpacking my wife says she is going to mincha

I don't get it. This really happened? Please explain it to me.

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2169 on: September 09, 2016, 01:54:52 AM »
I don't get it. This really happened? Please explain it to me.
I think the idea is that his wife found apparently the trick he has been using not to have to unpack.
Along the same line is having a shiur precisely when the kids need to be put to sleep.

Offline Freddie

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2170 on: September 09, 2016, 01:58:02 AM »
I think the idea is that his wife found apparently the trick he has been using not to have to unpack.
Along the same line is having a shiur precisely when the kids need to be put to sleep.

Ah, ok.

By the way, Avrohom started shachris, Yitzchak started mincha, Yaakov started maariv. You'd invent maariv too if you had 12 kids at home.

Offline ckmk47

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2171 on: September 09, 2016, 09:39:16 AM »
I think the idea is that his wife found apparently the trick he has been using not to have to unpack.
Along the same line is having a shiur precisely when the kids need to be put to sleep.
Also along the same line, Freddie, my mother always found the Rebbe's birthday (yud alef nissan)(and therefore his farbrengin ) suspiciously timed.

Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2172 on: September 09, 2016, 09:47:12 AM »
Ah, ok.

By the way, Avrohom started shachris, Yitzchak started mincha, Yaakov started maariv. You'd invent maariv too if you had 12 kids at home.
Lol, but he actually invented it when he was still unmarried...

Offline skyguy918

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2173 on: September 09, 2016, 10:39:31 AM »
Relevant to the last few jokes:
A woman got up from shiva and tells her husband "I learned two things: Shacharis doesn't take only 15 minutes and maariv doesn't take an hour and a half!"

Offline ExGingi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2174 on: September 09, 2016, 10:44:17 AM »
And relevant to the last few is the famous line from the great Shimon Dzigan when told that the joke was ancient:

וואס בין איך שולדיק אז איהר לעבט אזוי לאנג!
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan