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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 318357 times)

Online ExGingi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2235 on: November 27, 2016, 10:04:44 AM »
That joke goes so much better in Yiddish!
As do many
#ShimonDziganFan
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Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2236 on: November 27, 2016, 10:43:52 AM »
Those jokes aren't from Dzigan, but he's for sure the king of the jokes.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2237 on: November 27, 2016, 12:32:37 PM »
Those jokes aren't from Dzigan, but he's for sure the king of the jokes.
I didn't think they were.

I am quite familiar with a nice chunk of his repertoire.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2238 on: December 14, 2016, 12:16:16 PM »
So who is Trump?
Someone who actually cares about the country and trying to make it great again?
Quote from: ExGingi
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Offline Luvtotravel

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2239 on: January 02, 2017, 09:35:40 AM »
A Polish man moved to the U.S. and married an American girl.  
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.  

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce.  

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions.  

Have you any grounds?  
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.  

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?  
It made of concrete.  

I don't think you understand.  
Does either of you have a real grudge?  
No, we have carport, and not need one.  

I mean what are your relations like?  
All my relations still in Poland.  

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?  
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.  

Does your wife beat you up?  
No, I always up before her.  

Why do you want this divorce?  

She going to kill me.  

What makes you think that?  

I got proof.  

What kind of proof?  

She going to poison me.  


She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.  

I can read, and it say: ~~~Polish Remover~~~
Don't wait for the perfect moment; take the moment and make it perfect.

Offline since1492

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2240 on: January 02, 2017, 02:04:52 PM »
A Polish man moved to the U.S. and married an American girl. 
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. 

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce. 

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions. 

Have you any grounds?   
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. 

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? 
It made of concrete. 

I don't think you understand. 
Does either of you have a real grudge? 
No, we have carport, and not need one. 

I mean what are your relations like? 
All my relations still in Poland. 

Is there any infidelity in your marriage? 
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. 

Does your wife beat you up? 
No, I always up before her. 

Why do you want this divorce? 

She going to kill me. 

What makes you think that? 

I got proof. 

What kind of proof? 

She going to poison me. 


She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. 

I can read, and it say: ~~~Polish Remover~~~
the masmid atzum
מאז

Offline Moshe123

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2241 on: January 02, 2017, 03:11:48 PM »
Good one

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2242 on: January 02, 2017, 03:14:41 PM »
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, shouldn’t we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again?"
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline MeirS

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2243 on: January 03, 2017, 02:15:23 AM »
In Israel, when you ask a politician for his cell number, it has a whole different meaning to it...

Offline grodnoking

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2244 on: January 04, 2017, 11:11:58 PM »


In Israel, when you ask a politician for his cell number, it has a whole different meaning to it...

In Chicago, when you ask a politician for his cell number, it has a whole different meaning to it...
I'm not who you think I am.

Offline shulem92

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2245 on: January 04, 2017, 11:13:08 PM »

In Chicago, when you ask a politician for his cell number, it has a whole different meaning to it...
Try Passaic. 3 out of 4 of our most recent mayors are sitting in jail. Lol

Offline hvaces42

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2246 on: January 04, 2017, 11:21:56 PM »
Try Passaic any random town in NJ. 3 out of 4 of our most recent mayors are sitting in jail. Lol
FTFY
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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2247 on: January 04, 2017, 11:31:23 PM »
Try Passaic. 3 out of 4 of our most recent mayors are sitting in jail. Lol
There's a reason why NJ is nicknamed "the armpit of America".
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline username

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2248 on: January 05, 2017, 02:21:09 PM »
what a joke!

Roundup. The children's was the better deal :P
^^^

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2249 on: January 07, 2017, 09:08:12 PM »
The following will be appreciated by "insiders", but since I'm not aware of another thread for jokes, I'll post it here (also, don't get caught with technicalities, if you are familiar with the subjects it should put a good smile on your face)

Eastern Parkway is the international dateline. On one side 749, it is always night, on the other 770, it is always day.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan