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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 303874 times)

Offline yzj

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2370 on: April 08, 2019, 10:14:48 AM »
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas

Offline beeweegee

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2371 on: April 08, 2019, 10:31:25 AM »

Online myi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2372 on: April 08, 2019, 02:39:24 PM »
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas
Lol, Very cute.
 Didn't understand it until...
I saw the next post. Maybe nextTime.
Don't try to be someone else , be who you are because everyone else is taken.

Offline pointer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2373 on: April 11, 2019, 12:05:21 PM »
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep,
Not screaming and yelling like all the passengers in his car.

Offline etech0

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2374 on: April 11, 2019, 01:20:41 PM »
A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!"
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Online myi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2375 on: April 11, 2019, 03:11:47 PM »
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep,
Not screaming and yelling like all the passengers in his car.
God forbid! But Lol..
Don't try to be someone else , be who you are because everyone else is taken.

Offline chief_mag

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2376 on: April 11, 2019, 03:16:34 PM »
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:


You know, one would've been enough

Online myi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2377 on: April 11, 2019, 03:46:31 PM »
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:


You know, one would've been enough
Very good! ;)

 100 sounds better.
Don't try to be someone else , be who you are because everyone else is taken.

Offline stooges44

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2378 on: May 15, 2019, 09:44:02 AM »
A rabbi asked his student on a test “what is yibum”? The student wrote “When a man dies bald his brother marries his wife” the Rebbi was confused where did the student get this answer about the man dying bald so he asked the student “where he got it from” the student said “he got it from Artscroll” now the Rebbi was really confused so he opened up the Artscroll and he see it says on yibum “When a man dies heirless...”
If it's not free shipping it's not worth it.

Online Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2379 on: May 15, 2019, 11:02:48 AM »
One of my Dad (Z"L)'s most repeated jokes:

A Yeshiva HS Principal is walking around the halls during first period, making sure that each class is getting off to a smooth start to the day. As expected, most of the classes are getting off to a smooth start. But when he gets to Rabbi Stein's class he looks through the window and gets the shock of his life - On the Board, Rabbi Stein has written six letters:

POT LSD

Concerned, the Principal bursts into the classroom, and confronts Rabbi Stein - "Rabbi Stein, you can't discusss drugs with this class, it's highly inappropriate!". Rabbi Stein begins to laugh, and responds - 'oh that, we're talking about prayer:

POT = Put On Tefilin
LSD = Let's Start Davening


Online ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2380 on: May 15, 2019, 11:09:48 AM »
why isn't the top/front of the pillow made out of the same cool and comfy material that the back/bottom is made of??

Offline pointer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2381 on: May 18, 2019, 11:20:45 PM »
I told you I'll be there in five minutes, Stop calling me every half hour.

Offline cmey

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2382 on: May 19, 2019, 02:43:40 AM »
A guy goes to the doctor and says “Doc, I want to live to be 100”. So the doctor pulls out his prescription pad and starts to write: Early to bed, early to rise. No smoking. No drinking. No women. No anger or excitement. No meat, only vegetables and legumes.

The guy says ”Doc, if I do all of this I’ll live to be 100?”
“Probably not,” answers the doctor,” but it will feel like it.”

Online ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2383 on: May 19, 2019, 08:32:24 AM »
” but it will feel like it.”
Or he won't wanna live to the 100 anymore

Online TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2384 on: May 19, 2019, 09:08:10 AM »
Alternative ending:

“Doc!! no smoking, no drinking, no women ?? I said I want to LIVE till 100”