Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 704970 times)

Online Yehuda57

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2360 on: October 18, 2018, 07:55:56 PM »
I don't get it.
You must be the handsome exception

Online TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2361 on: November 01, 2018, 06:30:47 PM »
פארוואס האט אליעזר עבד אברהם אבינו געלייגט שלעסער אויף די קעמלען? ווייל ער האט דאך געזיכט א שידוך פאר יצחק , אין אויב איין בהמה עפענט אויף זיין מויל וואלט די שידוך נישט געווארען .

Offline Cholentfresser

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2362 on: November 04, 2018, 01:36:31 PM »
פארוואס האט אליעזר עבד אברהם אבינו געלייגט שלעסער אויף די קעמלען? ווייל ער האט דאך געזיכט א שידוך פאר יצחק , אין אויב איין בהמה עפענט אויף זיין מויל וואלט די שידוך נישט געווארען .
:) Oh how true
In order to understand recursion, you first need to understand recursion.

Offline Eliyohu

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2363 on: November 04, 2018, 02:33:29 PM »
 https://www.instagram.com/p/BpvStbFn7wa/?utm_source=ig_web_button_native_share

@Dan getting trolled.. which DDFer runs the account...

Offline greatluck

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2364 on: November 19, 2018, 11:10:25 AM »
From twitter:

I just walked into the local liberal-run bookstore and asked for Trump’s new immigration book.

The owner said “Get the f@+# out!”

I said “Yeah, that one.”

ha ha

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2365 on: March 19, 2019, 06:53:46 AM »
Purim must be made in China. Shipping takes a year & it only lasts for a day.

Online myi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2366 on: March 19, 2019, 07:28:28 PM »
Purim must be made in China. Shipping takes a year & it only lasts for a day.
In other words, good thing it wasn't made in the US otherwise it would have lasted the whole year!  ;) :D :) ;D
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Online TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2367 on: March 29, 2019, 06:53:05 AM »
What do cannibals eat on shabbos ?
Fleshinga Cholent

Online Yehuda57

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2368 on: April 07, 2019, 08:39:20 AM »
What do cannibals eat on shabbos ?
Parev cholent for shomor fleshinga for zochor

Offline pointer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2369 on: April 07, 2019, 09:14:41 PM »
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas


Offline yzj

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2370 on: April 08, 2019, 10:14:48 AM »
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas

Offline beeweegee

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2371 on: April 08, 2019, 10:31:25 AM »

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2372 on: April 08, 2019, 02:39:24 PM »
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas
Lol, Very cute.
 Didn't understand it until...
I saw the next post. Maybe nextTime.
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Offline pointer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2373 on: April 11, 2019, 12:05:21 PM »
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep,
Not screaming and yelling like all the passengers in his car.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2374 on: April 11, 2019, 01:20:41 PM »
A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!"
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2375 on: April 11, 2019, 03:11:47 PM »
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep,
Not screaming and yelling like all the passengers in his car.
God forbid! But Lol..
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Offline chief_mag

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2376 on: April 11, 2019, 03:16:34 PM »
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:


You know, one would've been enough

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2377 on: April 11, 2019, 03:46:31 PM »
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:


You know, one would've been enough
Very good! ;)

 100 sounds better.
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Offline stooges44

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2378 on: May 15, 2019, 09:44:02 AM »
A rabbi asked his student on a test “what is yibum”? The student wrote “When a man dies bald his brother marries his wife” the Rebbi was confused where did the student get this answer about the man dying bald so he asked the student “where he got it from” the student said “he got it from Artscroll” now the Rebbi was really confused so he opened up the Artscroll and he see it says on yibum “When a man dies heirless...”
If it's not free shipping it's not worth it.

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2379 on: May 15, 2019, 11:02:48 AM »
One of my Dad (Z"L)'s most repeated jokes:

A Yeshiva HS Principal is walking around the halls during first period, making sure that each class is getting off to a smooth start to the day. As expected, most of the classes are getting off to a smooth start. But when he gets to Rabbi Stein's class he looks through the window and gets the shock of his life - On the Board, Rabbi Stein has written six letters:

POT LSD

Concerned, the Principal bursts into the classroom, and confronts Rabbi Stein - "Rabbi Stein, you can't discusss drugs with this class, it's highly inappropriate!". Rabbi Stein begins to laugh, and responds - 'oh that, we're talking about prayer:

POT = Put On Tefilin
LSD = Let's Start Davening