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http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 437594 times)

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2420 on: June 17, 2019, 10:35:09 AM »
A person came to his ruv that he says parshas hamon every day and it didnt work so the ruv told him parshas hamon works, but you don't work!
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Online Moshe123

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2421 on: June 19, 2019, 10:15:14 AM »
A person came to his ruv that he says parshas hamon every day and it didnt work so the ruv told him parshas hamon works, but you don't work!

There is a saying from Satmar Rov that Parshas Hamon only works till 8 am.

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2422 on: June 19, 2019, 11:12:40 AM »
There is a saying from Satmar Rov that Parshas Hamon only works till 8 am.
I heard this already and I don't like it, because parshas Haman is a sgula for parnusa and of course you need to do hishtadles as well, but to say that after 8am it "doesn't work"? You could to hishtadles and say parshas Haman anytime you find it appropriate
(I mean nothing against the satmer rebbi as he was a very very big person, even if I don't hold of all/part of his shitos)
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Online Moshe123

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2423 on: June 19, 2019, 11:20:46 AM »
I heard this already and I don't like it, because parshas Haman is a sgula for parnusa and of course you need to do hishtadles as well, but to say that after 8am it "doesn't work"? You could to hishtadles and say parshas Haman anytime you find it appropriate
(I mean nothing against the satmer rebbi as he was a very very big person, even if I don't hold of all/part of his shitos)

He meant it as a joke.

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2424 on: June 19, 2019, 11:57:16 AM »
He meant it as a joke.
didn't think otherwise, but i don't like the joke
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline aygart

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2425 on: June 19, 2019, 12:26:20 PM »
I heard this already and I don't like it, because parshas Haman is a sgula for parnusa and of course you need to do hishtadles as well, but to say that after 8am it "doesn't work"? You could to hishtadles and say parshas Haman anytime you find it appropriate
(I mean nothing against the satmer rebbi as he was a very very big person, even if I don't hold of all/part of his shitos)
Come on. He was making a point.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline gingyguy

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2426 on: June 19, 2019, 12:43:09 PM »
Come on. He was making a point.
+8(A)M
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline Definitions

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2427 on: June 19, 2019, 02:57:57 PM »
There is a saying from Satmar Rov that Parshas Hamon only works till 8 am.
Didn't the satmar rebbe daven late?

Offline davidrotts63

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2428 on: June 19, 2019, 03:03:49 PM »
Y'all killed it, but here's the saying.
(Quit) pulling out the flowers, and watering the weeds. -Peter Lynch

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2429 on: June 19, 2019, 03:43:02 PM »
Y'all killed it, but here's the saying.
That's sounds better
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline shapsam

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2430 on: July 09, 2019, 07:37:03 AM »
Invalid Tweet ID

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2431 on: July 09, 2019, 11:13:38 AM »
"Every machine is a smoke machine" (if you operate it wrong enough).
--------------------------------
I don't say that you should kill all the stupid people, but I'd say to remove all the warning labels on merchandise and let the problem solve it self.
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2432 on: July 09, 2019, 12:36:37 PM »
A group of bochurim were going on a road trip. They had two cars - a station wagon and a coupe. They couldn't decide which of the two cars should lead - some argued the coupe should lead because it's a fancier car. Some argued that the Wagon should lead because of B'Rov Am Hadras Melech. They kept going back and forth, but couldn't reach a conclusion. So they turned to the resident Iluy in the beis medrash and asked him - his opinion.

"Obviously, the coupe should go first - don't you know the rule - Two-Door, V'Shainu Two-Door - Two-Door Kodem"

Offline seeking

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2433 on: July 09, 2019, 02:06:16 PM »
A group of bochurim were going on a road trip. They had two cars - a station wagon and a coupe. They couldn't decide which of the two cars should lead - some argued the coupe should lead because it's a fancier car. Some argued that the Wagon should lead because of B'Rov Am Hadras Melech. They kept going back and forth, but couldn't reach a conclusion. So they turned to the resident Iluy in the beis medrash and asked him - his opinion.

"Obviously, the coupe should go first - don't you know the rule - Two-Door, V'Shainu Two-Door - Two-Door Kodem"
It's refreshing to see a joke that wasnt plagiarised from non Jewish sources.

Like given.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2434 on: July 09, 2019, 02:17:58 PM »
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2435 on: July 09, 2019, 03:16:01 PM »
From Mr Wikipedia

Offline yos9694

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2436 on: July 09, 2019, 03:58:44 PM »


That means you've found the consultant!

Offline grodnoking

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2437 on: July 09, 2019, 04:01:49 PM »
That means you've found the consultant!
Very good, very good.
I'm not who you think I am.

Offline sguitarist18

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2438 on: July 11, 2019, 10:32:36 PM »
***Lying in bed after a very big fight***

wife: *very mad, thinking* he better actually give me a real apology this time.

husband: *thinking* what if his real name is Loopa Schmeltzer and Lipa is just the Chassidish pronunciation.


Offline Mordyk

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2439 on: July 12, 2019, 10:20:56 AM »
***Lying in bed after a very big fight***

wife: *very mad, thinking* he better actually give me a real apology this time.

husband: *thinking* what if his real name is Loopa Schmeltzer and Lipa is just the Chassidish pronunciation.
Definitely Lipa and not Loopa ;D
#TYH