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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 376513 times)

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2505 on: January 21, 2020, 09:47:57 AM »
How is the moon and a Rosh Kollel similar?
Both stand above you the entire month, and they disappear near the end of the month.

Forgive my ignorance - is that a salary joke?

Offline TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2506 on: January 21, 2020, 10:23:27 AM »
Forgive my ignorance - is that a salary joke?
They disappear come paycheck time

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2507 on: January 21, 2020, 11:42:51 AM »
How is the moon and a Rosh Kollel similar?
Both stand above you the entire month, and they disappear near the end of the month.

On the topic of the Moon:

What is the hardest mitzvah to perform in <fill in a Jewish Community known to be unfriendly>?
Kiddush levana, because not only do you have to bring yourself to saying Shalom Aleichem to 3 people, you have to wait for them to say it back.

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2508 on: January 31, 2020, 12:51:01 PM »
How much space did the EU free up because of Brexit?

1 GB :)

Offline a mirrer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2509 on: February 03, 2020, 06:55:45 AM »
 ;D

Offline TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2510 on: February 21, 2020, 01:02:48 PM »
מען האט געפרעגט ר חיים קנייבסקי, אויב די בחירות געפאלט אין פורים, וואס דארף זיין קודם קריאת מגילה אדער בחירות, האט ער גענטפערט "בחירות קודם", תדיר ושאינו תדיר, תדיר קודם.

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2511 on: February 21, 2020, 01:23:34 PM »
מען האט געפרעגט ר חיים קנייבסקי, אויב די בחירות געפאלט אין פורים, וואס דארף זיין קודם קריאת מגילה אדער בחירות, האט ער גענטפערט "בחירות קודם", תדיר ושאינו תדיר, תדיר קודם.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Offline yesitsme

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2512 on: February 24, 2020, 01:06:21 AM »
I just scored 177 on an online IQ Test! All I had to do was answer three questions correctly.

1. My CC Number
2. A copy of my birth certificate
3. My SSN


They're shipping my certificate from Nigeria next week. Can't wait to show off!
I saw a similar one in real life
we were discussing online phishing scams, and someone pipes up
"yup I'm protected I had a virus and apple charged my CC to clean my PC"
basically he had a pop up on his screen to submit the cc info and download some AV....

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2513 on: February 28, 2020, 10:08:01 AM »
A reporter for an Israeli news service is conducting a "man on the street" survey about an ongoing meat shortage.

He stops an Oleh from Russia and asks "Excuse me sir, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"
The Russian replies = "What is an 'Opinion'?"

He stops an Oleh from Ethiopia and asks "Excuse me sir, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"
The Ethiopian replies = "What is 'Meat'?"

He stops an Oleh from the USA and asks "Excuse me sir, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"
The American replies = "What is a 'Shortage'?"

Finally he stops a fellow Israeli and asks "Excuse me sir, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"
The Sabra replies = "What is 'Excuse Me'?"




Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2514 on: February 28, 2020, 10:09:34 AM »
What does an Israeli call his Japanese Chauffeur?

Ishimoto

Online ExGingi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2515 on: February 28, 2020, 02:33:07 PM »
What does an Israeli call his Japanese Chauffeur?

Ishimoto

That's ancient along with the following Israeli version of how things are said in Japanese:

Diaper = Sak ImKaki
Terrorist = Zuzu-o-tamutu
Bus Driver = Ishimegged
etc.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2516 on: February 28, 2020, 03:02:47 PM »
That's ancient along with the following Israeli version of how things are said in Japanese:
so am I
Diaper = Sak ImKaki
Terrorist = Zuzu-o-tamutu
Bus Driver = Ishimegged
etc.

Need to use these :)

Online ExGingi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2517 on: February 28, 2020, 03:25:19 PM »
so am I

When told that a joke is old Shimon Dzigan used to say "why is it my fault that you've been living so long?"
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline Iz

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2518 on: March 03, 2020, 05:34:20 PM »
The coronavirus won't last long; it's made in China.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2519 on: March 03, 2020, 08:59:04 PM »
That's ancient along with the following Israeli version of how things are said in Japanese:

Diaper = Sak ImKaki

Reminds me of this, yes it's a real product.