Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 705138 times)

Offline joe1234

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2015
  • Posts: 2071
  • Total likes: 535
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 19
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2560 on: August 11, 2020, 03:01:17 PM »
The other guy remembered the story
what story?...

Online YitzyS

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2015
  • Posts: 5552
  • Total likes: 13697
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 34
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood, NJ
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2561 on: August 11, 2020, 03:29:56 PM »
I’m Joe Biden and I approve this message.

Offline etech0

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 12862
  • Total likes: 3317
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: not lakewood
  • Programs: DDF
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2562 on: August 11, 2020, 04:37:54 PM »
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline Yo ssi

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Aug 2019
  • Posts: 6658
  • Total likes: 2588
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 60
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2563 on: August 14, 2020, 01:02:30 AM »
This chassid won $3 million on the lottery last weekend so he decided to donate a quarter to charity. Now he has $2,999,999.75.
_    ,
' )  /
 /  / __   _   _   o
(__/_(_)  /_)_/_)_<_
 //
(/

Offline SuperFlyer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Posts: 9351
  • Total likes: 414
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2564 on: August 14, 2020, 02:24:17 AM »
This chassid won $3 million on the lottery last weekend so he decided to donate a quarter to charity. Now he has $2,999,999.75.
Chassidim are usually generous, so the word litvak is probably more appropriate.

Online ExGingi

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Nov 2015
  • Posts: 15620
  • Total likes: 7712
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 19
    • View Profile
  • Location: 770
  • Programs: בשורת הגאולה. From Exile to Redemption. GIYF. AAdvantage Executive Platinum®
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2565 on: August 14, 2020, 02:37:24 AM »
Chassidim are usually generous, so the word litvak is probably more appropriate.

Neither.

Most likely match would be an extreme left wing progressive.

Joke would be great if you put AOC in there. Just try it and post on Social Media and see how many likes you get and how viral it would go.
« Last Edit: August 14, 2020, 02:40:45 AM by ExGingi »
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline ~King Lake~

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Mar 2019
  • Posts: 1142
  • Total likes: 756
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: i wish israel
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2566 on: August 14, 2020, 06:56:21 AM »
Chassidim are usually generous, so the word litvak is probably more appropriate.
+1
I’m in shape, round is a shape…

Online aygart

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 17400
  • Total likes: 14339
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
    • Lower Watt Energy Brokers
  • Programs: www.lowerwatt.com
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2567 on: August 14, 2020, 08:19:41 AM »
Chassidim are usually generous, so the word litvak is probably more appropriate.
I'm sure that all of those coming from EY to raise money and do better in Lakewood than anywhere else will back that one up. I am on @ExGingi 's side here. Bringing in chasidim or litvaks is nothing but vile sinas chinam. Shame on all of you!
« Last Edit: August 14, 2020, 08:33:22 AM by aygart »
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline pointer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Feb 2018
  • Posts: 1623
  • Total likes: 317
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 23
    • View Profile
  • Location: United States
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2568 on: August 14, 2020, 08:26:45 AM »
Chassidim are usually generous, so the word litvak is probably more appropriate.
Neither.

Most likely match would be an extreme left wing progressive.

Joke would be great if you put AOC in there. Just try it and post on Social Media and see how many likes you get and how viral it would go.
I'm sure that all of those coming from EY to raise money and do better in Lakewood than anywhere else will back that one up. I am on @ExGingi 's side here. Bringing in chasidim or litvaks is nothing but vile sinas chinam. Shame on all 3 of you!
I think you guys got it all wrong.

The joke has nothing to do with anyone being stingy.
It is all about Chasidim not knowing their math and English properly.

Offline ~King Lake~

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Mar 2019
  • Posts: 1142
  • Total likes: 756
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: i wish israel
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2569 on: August 14, 2020, 08:33:54 AM »
I think you guys got it all wrong.

The joke has nothing to do with anyone being stingy.
It is all about Chasidim not knowing their math and English properly.
Don't know if chasidim know there math or not (that's not true, I'm probably better at math then you are even though I didn't learn it properly in cheider/school!) But what I see is that there is more wealthy people by the chasidim then by the litvish community!!
I’m in shape, round is a shape…

Offline pointer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Feb 2018
  • Posts: 1623
  • Total likes: 317
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 23
    • View Profile
  • Location: United States
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2570 on: August 14, 2020, 08:37:48 AM »
Don't know if chasidim know there math or not (that's not true, I'm probably better at math then you are even though I didn't learn it properly in cheider/school!) But what I see is that there is more wealthy people by the chasidim then by the litvish community!!
Whatever. I don't want to hijack the thread.

Online ExGingi

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Nov 2015
  • Posts: 15620
  • Total likes: 7712
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 19
    • View Profile
  • Location: 770
  • Programs: בשורת הגאולה. From Exile to Redemption. GIYF. AAdvantage Executive Platinum®
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2571 on: August 14, 2020, 08:38:39 AM »
I think you guys got it all wrong.

The joke has nothing to do with anyone being stingy.
It is all about Chasidim not knowing their math and English properly.

IDK. Seems like many are doing perfectly well in business. Might have been a joke if you gave an example of giving way more than it makes sense mathematically.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Online aygart

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 17400
  • Total likes: 14339
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
    • Lower Watt Energy Brokers
  • Programs: www.lowerwatt.com
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2572 on: August 14, 2020, 08:44:16 AM »
Don't know if chasidim know there math or not (that's not true, I'm probably better at math then you are even though I didn't learn it properly in cheider/school!) But what I see is that there is more wealthy people by the chasidim then by the litvish community!!
Is this supposed to be an example your your superior math skills?
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline pointer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Feb 2018
  • Posts: 1623
  • Total likes: 317
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 23
    • View Profile
  • Location: United States
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2573 on: August 14, 2020, 08:45:16 AM »
IDK. Seems like many are doing perfectly well in business.
That is not the discussion.

The fact still stands (as a general rule, of course there are lots of acceptions).

But hey! as the Satmer rabbi once said to his chasid who was looking to get educated and go into accounting, "Why be busy with other peoples money, You make the money, and let others be busy with it"

Online aygart

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 17400
  • Total likes: 14339
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
    • Lower Watt Energy Brokers
  • Programs: www.lowerwatt.com
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2574 on: August 14, 2020, 08:48:34 AM »
IDK. Seems like many are doing perfectly well in business. Might have been a joke if you gave an example of giving way more than it makes sense mathematically.

אין הברכה מצוי' אלא בדבר הסמוי מן העין
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline yuneeq

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Posts: 8611
  • Total likes: 3999
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 10
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: NJ
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2575 on: August 14, 2020, 09:04:12 AM »
אין הברכה מצוי' אלא בדבר הסמוי מן העין

Once this thread is hijacked already, I always wondered does this statement apply to a bank account? The original context is that you shouldn’t count how much fruit you have so the bracha should apply to it. But a bank account is already quantified, not looking at the numbers doesn’t change anything.
Visibly Jewish

Offline Yo ssi

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Aug 2019
  • Posts: 6658
  • Total likes: 2588
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 60
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2576 on: August 14, 2020, 09:19:01 AM »
With all this discussion and not even one like on the joke! Talking about being stingy 😉
_    ,
' )  /
 /  / __   _   _   o
(__/_(_)  /_)_/_)_<_
 //
(/

Offline joe1234

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2015
  • Posts: 2071
  • Total likes: 535
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 19
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2577 on: August 14, 2020, 09:20:55 AM »
With all this discussion and not even one like on the joke! Talking about being stingy 😉
at least i liked this post. lol

Offline Lurker

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2019
  • Posts: 5054
  • Total likes: 6390
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: As always, silence is NOT an admission of agreement on DDF. It just means that people lack the stamina to keep on arguing with made up "facts", illogical arguments, deceiving statements, nasty and degrading comments, and fuzzy math. - @yelped
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2578 on: August 14, 2020, 10:01:21 AM »
Clean up on aisle 5. This is disgusting.
Failing at maintaining Lurker status.

Online YitzyS

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2015
  • Posts: 5552
  • Total likes: 13697
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 34
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood, NJ