Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 705019 times)

Offline meshugener

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But I hate him because he's fake!
Love me or hate me. I still love you.

Offline MarkS

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But I hate him because he's fake!
Correct, but the sinnah that you are having toward him is thinking that he is real - you are having the wrong kavannah in your sinnah!

Offline sky121

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender looks at the duck and says "hey, your pants are down."
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline Lamdan

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Harav Mordechai Druk Zatzal from Yerushalaim once spoke about how it's hard to have Sinah that is Chinam - for no reason. If it's because I don't like a particular thing about you - that's not Chinam!

He said a pshat that I don't remember, and then he said a 2nd cute/funny pshat that of course I remember!

Very often Ballei Battim resent Talmidei Chachamim/Chasuvah people. They often end up feeling inadequate in their presence and internally it may bother them that they're not as learned.  Such a sinah would not be Chinam - as crooked as it is, it's for a particular reason. However, sometime there's a person with a long beard and huge peyos, a frock, he shuckles Shmoneh Esrei for longer than everyone else, and appears to be a big talmid chochom - but in reality is a faker and trying to portray himself as someone he's not.

When the Baal Habos sees him and has Sinah toward him - it's Sinaas Chinam - because he's really not a talmid chochom!!!!
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Offline good sam

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I always thought sinas chinam meant sina for no good reason.
If you don't care why would you comment?
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Offline SuperFlyer

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To get back to the story of (bar*) kamtse. It doesnt say what has been done to the bal simche to anger him, so we must be talking about the chachomim just sitting there.


*no relation to bar jokes

Offline good sam

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*no relation to bar jokes
Maybe we should start a new thread.  It seems funny to have a sinas chinum/3 weeks topic converge with a jokes thread.

On a related note, what is an owl's least favorite time of year? The 3 weeks of morning!
If you don't care why would you comment?
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Online jj1000

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Maybe we should start a new thread.  It seems funny to have a sinas chinum/3 weeks topic converge with a jokes thread.

On a related note, what is an owl's least favorite time of year? The 3 weeks of morning!
I laughed more at the irony of your first point than the 2nd joke. Both good though.
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Offline Lamdan

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Maybe we should start a new thread.  It seems funny to have a sinas chinum/3 weeks topic converge with a jokes thread.

On a related note, what is an owl's least favorite time of year? The 3 weeks of morning!
what's a dentist's favorite time? tooth hurty, I HATE PUNNY JOKES!!! feel free to +1 ;D
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Offline ChAiM'l

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what's a dentist's favorite time? tooth hurty, I HATE PUNNY JOKES!!! feel free to +1 ;D

Which flavor was it?

Offline L'Chaim

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A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale  hit the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were  injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don't  know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the  world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia  is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New  Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents  are sending labor to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Canada is  sending medical teams and supplies.

GREAT BRITAIN, not to be  outdone, are sending two million replacement Muslims.

God Bless  GREAT BRITAIN!

Offline Lamdan

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A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale  hit the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were  injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don't  know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the  world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia  is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New  Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents  are sending labor to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Canada is  sending medical teams and supplies.

GREAT BRITAIN, not to be  outdone, are sending two million replacement Muslims.

God Bless  GREAT BRITAIN!
I don't think us jews who were thrown out of Europe 60 years ago, appreciate such jokes - I don't. I think the same jokes are said about us jews in other circles.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2012, 12:26:54 AM by Lamdan »
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Offline SuperFlyer

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I don't think us jews who were thrown out of Europe 60 years ago, appreciate such jokes - I don't. I think the same jokes are said about us jews in other circles.

Little difference though.
Jews were the exemplary citizens, and those guys are the trouble makers (to put it mildly) saying openly that they take over the place...


Offline Lamdan

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Little difference though.
Jews were the exemplary citizens, and those guys are the trouble makers (to put it mildly) saying openly that they take over the place...
I'm sure all the Muslims in Great Britain are saying that, I heard it from Goebbels himself.
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Offline David B

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The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"

Offline SuperFlyer

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I'm sure all the Muslims in Great Britain are saying that, I heard it from Goebbels himself.

If you don't see a difference between the two you should get out more often.

Offline Lamdan

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If you don't see a difference between the two you should get out more often.
I see the difference. My point is that it's a racist joke, because it is anti Muslim, even though there are some bad Muslims. Being Jewish, my heart gets disturbed when I see a Jew make a racist joke, especially when it's about getting rid of a minority in Europe. If you don't think that part, I repeat - PART, of the drive to get rid of the Muslims from Europe, wasn't part of the reason they got rid of the Jews, than maybe you should open your mind more.
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Offline SuperFlyer

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I see the difference. My point is that it's a racist joke, because it is anti Muslim, even though there are some bad Muslims. Being Jewish, my heart gets disturbed when I see a Jew make a racist joke, especially when it's about getting rid of a minority in Europe. If you don't think that part, I repeat - PART, of the drive to get rid of the Muslims from Europe, wasn't part of the reason they got rid of the Jews, than maybe you should open your mind more.

You might want to get rid of mechiyas amolek...

No worries, I get your point.

Offline Lamdan

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Halevay all ppl would be such a pleasure to shmooze/argue with like Superflyer.
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Offline SuperFlyer

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+1, I started arguing with myself recently.

Pretty tough opponent though...