Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 646883 times)

Online EliJelly

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2860 on: May 18, 2023, 01:10:17 AM »
I thought only Satmar and Bobov had name brands with generic alternatives...  ;D

Spinka 18th
Skver BP
Visnitz BB
Visnitz Monsey
and now
Visnitz merkaz
Visnitz Monsey Monsey
Visnitz Monsey Williamsburg
Visnitz Monsey Kemisha. + Montral, BP, London, BS
You get the picture :) and btw, satmar doesn't go by a suffix as of now

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2861 on: May 18, 2023, 02:03:30 AM »
Anything I can say by my sister in-laws Sheva brachos?
I'll need a little more info

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2862 on: May 18, 2023, 03:14:39 AM »
My favorite cause: cssy.org

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2863 on: May 18, 2023, 11:30:52 AM »
I'll need a little more info
me too 😁

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2864 on: May 18, 2023, 03:08:32 PM »
Anything I can say by my sister in-laws Sheva brachos?

A couple of oldies:

 In Kabala it is said that each person is born with half a neshama, and that when a couple gets married, their neshamos combine. So when she gets married, the Kallah's neshama is complete, but the chosson is finished.

Most people think that we break a glass as a zecher l'chorbon, but that's not the case. We have the Chosson break the glass, so at least he can say that he once put his foot down in this marriage.

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2865 on: May 18, 2023, 03:10:27 PM »
A couple of oldies:

 In Kabala it is said that each person is born with half a neshama, and that when a couple gets married, their neshamos combine. So when she gets married, the Kallah's neshama is complete, but the chosson is finished.

Most people think that we break a glass as a zecher l'chorbon, but that's not the case. We have the Chosson break the glass, so at least he can say that he once put his foot down in this marriage.
Not sure it will resonate with all...

Online YitzyS

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2866 on: May 18, 2023, 03:11:35 PM »
In Kabala it is said that each person is born with half a neshama, and that when a couple gets married, their neshamos combine. So when she gets married, the Kallah's neshama is complete, but the chosson is finished.

You should preface this by asking, "What's the difference between the word Complete and the word Finished? Let me explain..."

Offline koplonko

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2867 on: May 18, 2023, 11:55:47 PM »
I thought only Satmar and Bobov had name brands with generic alternatives...  ;D
There is only 1 satmar!!!

Offline Something Fishy

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2868 on: May 24, 2023, 04:57:44 PM »
I was in Cairo last week and asked my guide why the pyramids were in Egypt. He looked at me like I was insane and stammered something to the effect that this is a question nobody's ever asked him and how in the world is he supposed to answer that.

I told him that the reason is because they were too heavy to take to the British Museum.
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Offline Something Fishy

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2869 on: May 24, 2023, 04:59:35 PM »
It worked out great, because a normal person would have answered that it's because it was the Egyptian rulers who built them. But he had just finished a whole long shpiel about aliens and microwave energy generators so he had kinda backed himself into a corner there.
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Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2870 on: May 24, 2023, 05:30:01 PM »
I was in Cairo last week and asked my guide why the pyramids were in Egypt. He looked at me like I was insane and stammered something to the effect that this is a question nobody's ever asked him and how in the world is he supposed to answer that.

I told him that the reason is because they were too heavy to take to the British Museum.
Love it.

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2871 on: June 01, 2023, 11:51:10 AM »
Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door…
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2872 on: June 01, 2023, 11:52:51 AM »
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2873 on: June 01, 2023, 11:54:35 AM »
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2874 on: June 01, 2023, 12:02:47 PM »
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
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Offline sguitarist18

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2875 on: June 01, 2023, 01:29:09 PM »
At a work birthday party - "Can I get Penne a la vodka, hold the penne?"

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2876 on: June 01, 2023, 04:25:41 PM »
In parshas bereishis it says Ki Tov on every day of creation except for Monday (Yom Sheini) - which only proves one thing - even from the beginning of time, nothing good ever happened on a Monday!

Offline Lurker

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2877 on: June 02, 2023, 03:49:25 PM »
In parshas bereishis it says Ki Tov on every day of creation except for Monday (Yom Sheini) - which only proves one thing - even from the beginning of time, nothing good ever happened on a Monday!

Wrong thread. Please post in Random Facts.
Failing at maintaining Lurker status.

Offline mevinyavin

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2878 on: June 04, 2023, 08:57:47 AM »


Quote from: ExGingi
Echo chambers are boring and don't contribute much to deeper thinking and understanding!

Offline sguitarist18

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2879 on: June 07, 2023, 06:56:27 PM »
The next time you feel you dislike your life, remember it's all about perspective.

I have a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries, and has people who want to have sex with him all the time. And yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison.