Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 705171 times)

Offline jj1000

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I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE HELL DID I MISS?

The first family?
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Offline Mimi K.

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The first family?
he already said the unemployed in public housing.
but he is not including all the gov. workers plus union contractors working for them
"Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Free Stuff!" 8)

Offline whYME

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A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this f*cking badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......


"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR F*CKING BADGE!"

Offline Lamdan

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Build a man a fire, keep him warn for a night.
Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.
ROFL
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Offline Deal Guy

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How can I attach a powerpoint here?

Offline Chaikel

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How can I attach a powerpoint here?
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Offline ashers

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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally... a smart blonde joke.
it CAN be done!

Offline Dan

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Meh. Heard that joke a hundred times, but that's the first time I heard it told as a blonde joke :P
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Offline Achas Veachas

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...but that's the first time I heard it told as a blonde joke :P
That's the whole joke... :P

Offline Saver2000

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That's the whole joke... :P
-1
The joke doesn't make any sense when being said with a blonde.

Offline Achas Veachas

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-1
The joke doesn't make any sense when being said with a blonde.
-1 you didn't understand what I said.

Offline Mimi K.

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Meh. Heard that joke a hundred times, but that's the first time I heard it told as a blonde joke :P
+1
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Offline Chaikel

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Offline DH Data Recovery

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"It is being reported that Apple is making a cheaper version of the iPhone. They call it a Samsung"
--Conan
LOL
I was just about to post that!!

Offline chaimmayer

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funny but sad

Offline smurf

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"It is being reported that Apple is making a cheaper version of the iPhone. They call it a Samsung"
--Conan
isn't it actually Samsung that's making the iPhone (parts)

Offline Chaikel

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Offline Chaikel

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Chareidim are now backing Shaul Mofaz after his ad campaign promised 3400 NIS per month for Kollel Guys
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Offline smurf

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Chareidim are now backing Shaul Mofaz after his ad campaign promised 3400 NIS per month for Kollel Guys
repost? ?
http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=5396.msg382294.msg#382294

Offline rots5

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Funny story- my FIL learns with a BT, and so do a lot of other big rabbis. He learns wih them Gemara. Every day the rabbis explain it to him outside and then they read it. So after the explanation outside the rabbi says ok now lets do it inside. The BT said - wow i got lucky on this one. One day my FIL was learning with him and he said ok now inside. This BT said, rabbi! do i have to?! its a gorgeous day out. Why u always saying i have to do it inside is there some sort if kabala thing?

True story
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