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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 428457 times)

Offline Chaikel

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Vote for the Kollel check is too damn low Party


Create professional looking itineraries.
Check out eliteitinerary.com

Offline Dan

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This is funny!
t=01m58s
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Avid Reader

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Vote for the Kollel check is too damn low Party




 ;D ;D

Offline ChAiM'l

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This tzedakah letter was going around today...


"Dear Fellow Jew
Even though the current economic situation is very tough for all of us, we
turn to you for help for a Chosson who just recently got engaged. His whole
life nebach has been one of great tragedy, his parents were divorced when he
was still a young child and when he was just eighteen years old his mother
was a passenger in a car that was involved in major accident and
unfortunately died as a result of  the injuries she sustained.
Due to his family situation he had no other choice other than to join the army, and now at the age of twenty-eight  after many years of hardship and
great difficulty he has finally found his zivug.
We trust you won't turn him away in his time of greatest need.
Please send donations marked 'Hachnosas Kalloh' to the address below.





Send Donations to:

Buckingham Palace,
Buckingham Palace Rd,
London SW1A 1AA,
United Kingdom"

Offline Dan

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Lol...
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Avid Reader

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Lol...

Yup. Saw it on Facebook. Someone commented that perhaps it's for the losing side of the Chanukah story - the Greeks.

Offline Shimon

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They do the same thing for Ramadan. It is some crap strategy that the marketing people learned in university. Works in theory, not in practice.

I have seen it done in supermarket chains in area without any Jews and a country with very few Jews to begin with.

Stuff like this is decided by corporate.

Offline bentch

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a chinese couple had a black baby. guess what they named him? sum tin wong

Offline SuperFlyer

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Offline SuperFlyer

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&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Offline Dan

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Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Avid Reader

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Offline AsherO

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Offline Avid Reader

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Photoshop, duh!  ::)

Ah shei'le?:)  Just some humor - mockery out of a sad situation.

Offline regalhome

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Since  more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be
a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code)...
 
ATD:  At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The  Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By  Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving  While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot  Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker  Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel  Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My  Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's  On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry,  Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get  Up
TTYL: Talk To You  Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture  Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need  Oil

Offline SuperFlyer

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Moish: Yankel? What are you doing these days?

Yankel: Nothing really.

Moish*: Come on, you must be doing something...

Yankel: Actually, I had a fire, my place burned down and I'm waiting to receive $500,000 from the insurance. And you Moish, what do you do?

Moish: Nothing much.

Yankel: Come on, I also told you...

Moish: Alright, my house is in ruins after a tornado passed, and I'm expecting $1,000,000 from the insurance any day.

Yankel: Moish, I know how to arrange a fire, but how do you setup a tornado?


* all names are fictional, and similarities with real life persons are coincidental.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2010, 05:50:38 PM by SuperFlyer »

Offline SuperFlyer

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Whats the difference between a bochur and a yingerman?



A bochur eats his chulent thursdays, fridays and shabbes.

A yingerman eats his chulent Shabbes, sundays and mondays.

Offline regalhome

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Moish: Yankel? What are you doing these days?

Yankel: Nothing really.

Moish: Come on, you must be doing something...

Yankel: Actually, I had a fire, my place burned down and I'm waiting to receive $500,000 from the insurance. And you Moish, what do you do?

Moish: Nothing much.

Yankel: Come on, I also told you...

Moish: Alright, my house is in ruins after a tornado passed, and I'm expecting $1,000,000 from the insurance any day.

Yankel: Moish, I know how to arrange a fire, but how do you setup a tornado?

SF that was nice to be so personal
http://www.dansdeals.com/forums/index.php?topic=4642.0

Offline SuperFlyer

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SF that was nice to be so personal
http://www.dansdeals.com/forums/index.php?topic=4642.0

Alright, to make it up, here, another joke.


A guy who came collecting to the same person, got on his yearly visit a $100.

This year however, he only got $99.

So the collector asked, why do you give me less this year, what changed.

Donator: I heard a lot of negative things about the organization for which you are collecting, so I decided to stop giving to them.

In afterthought, I realized that it is not fair that you would need to lose out on your commission, hence the $99.

Offline Q274

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sorry for such a long joke but i thought it was funny

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
__________________________________________ ____________
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
______________________________________________________
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
_______________________________________________________
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
_____________________________ _________________________
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
______________________________________________________
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
________________________________________________ ______