Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 887727 times)

PlatinumGuy · « **Reply #900 on:** September 10, 2013, 04:49:26 PM »

Apple Touch ID. Sponsored by the NSA, CIA and FBI

yuneeq · « **Reply #901 on:** September 12, 2013, 01:12:36 PM »

A woman got up from shiva and tells her husband "I learned two things: Shacharis doesn't take only 15 minutes and maariv doesn't take an hour and a half!"

good sam · « **Reply #902 on:** September 12, 2013, 01:59:56 PM »

Quote from: yuneeq on September 12, 2013, 01:12:36 PM

A woman got up from shiva and tells her husband "I learned two things: Shacharis doesn't take only 15 minutes and maariv doesn't take an hour and a half!"

ALOL

AnonymousUser · « **Reply #903 on:** September 12, 2013, 02:09:30 PM »

Quote from: good sam on September 12, 2013, 01:59:56 PM

ALOL

+1

judahk88 · « **Reply #904 on:** September 12, 2013, 05:19:36 PM »

Quote from: yuneeq on September 12, 2013, 01:12:36 PM

A woman got up from shiva and tells her husband "I learned two things: Shacharis doesn't take only 15 minutes and maariv doesn't take an hour and a half!"

Just saw that one a few days ago. Love it!

Moshe123 · « **Reply #905 on:** September 12, 2013, 05:45:33 PM »

דער גאנצער וועלט פיהרט זיך אז איינער טיילט און יעדער נעמט לעקיך ערב יום הקדוש. אין גאליציע איז אבער דער מנהג אז יעדער טיילט לעקיך.
אז ס'איז באשערט צו דארפן חלילה געבן איינעם במשך'ן יאהר זאל מען אפקומען מיט דעם.

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #906 on:** September 12, 2013, 05:48:21 PM »

Quote from: Moshe123 on September 12, 2013, 05:45:33 PM

דער גאנצער וועלט פיהרט זיך אז איינער טיילט און יעדער נעמט לעקיך ערב יום הקדוש. אין גאליציע איז אבער דער מנהג אז יעדער טיילט לעקיך.
אז ס'איז באשערט צו דארפן חלילה געבן איינעם במשך'ן יאהר זאל מען אפקומען מיט דעם.

whYME · « **Reply #907 on:** September 12, 2013, 06:17:03 PM »

Quote from: Moshe123 on September 12, 2013, 05:45:33 PM

דער גאנצער וועלט פיהרט זיך אז איינער טיילט און יעדער נעמט לעקיך ערב יום הקדוש. אין גאליציע איז אבער דער מנהג אז יעדער טיילט לעקיך.
אז ס'איז באשערט צו דארפן חלילה געבן איינעם במשך'ן יאהר זאל מען אפקומען מיט דעם.

For those who don't understand yiddish, here's what google translate has to say on the matter:
"The world leaders themselves that one part and each takes corpse preparation day holy. In Galicia, however, is the custom that every part body.
That is destined to require far give one for 'N years should come with it."

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #908 on:** September 12, 2013, 06:18:57 PM »

Quote from: whYME on September 12, 2013, 06:17:03 PM

For those who don't understand yiddish, here's what google translate has to say on the matter:
"The world leaders themselves that one part and each takes corpse preparation day holy. In Galicia, however, is the custom that every part body.
That is destined to require far give one for 'N years should come with it."

Meh. It's better in the original

Moshe123 · « **Reply #909 on:** September 12, 2013, 06:22:14 PM »

Quote from: whYME on September 12, 2013, 06:17:03 PM

For those who don't understand yiddish, here's what google translate has to say on the matter:
"The world leaders themselves that one part and each takes corpse preparation day holy. In Galicia, however, is the custom that every part body.
That is destined to require far give one for 'N years should come with it."

Lol!

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #910 on:** September 12, 2013, 06:28:54 PM »

Why is "Lekach" translated corpse/body? $:-\$

DovtheBear · « **Reply #911 on:** September 12, 2013, 10:10:00 PM »

Can you give a real translation, please?

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #912 on:** September 12, 2013, 11:00:32 PM »

Quote from: DovtheBear on September 12, 2013, 10:10:00 PM

Can you give a real translation, please?

Roughly speaking: The Oilam is noiheg that everyone asks for Lekach Erev YK in case it was decreed on them to beg during the year they should be Yotze with that, however in Galicia (or insert YOUR circles' stingy region here) everyone GIVES Lekah Erev YK in case it was decreed upon them to give in the coming year...

DovtheBear · « **Reply #913 on:** September 12, 2013, 11:02:16 PM »

Quote from: Achas Veachas on September 12, 2013, 11:00:32 PM

Roughly speaking: The Oilam is noiheg that everyone asks for Lekach Erev YK in case it was decreed on them to beg during the year they should be Yotze with that, however in Galicia (or insert YOUR circles' stingy region here) everyone GIVES Lekah Erev YK in case it was decreed upon them to give in the coming year...

Got it!

(not that I ever heard of it before)

chamdena · « **Reply #914 on:** September 13, 2013, 01:29:25 AM »

Ok. Here is one that some might get and some not:
Someone once called up Mrs. Sternberg (senior) and asked her for the Rebbes bedikah cloth...
Lololol!!!

Centro · « **Reply #915 on:** September 13, 2013, 11:13:58 AM »

די גאנצע מעשה מיטן לעקעך מיט שמש איז פארדרייט,די גאנצע חכמה איז דאך אויב ברויך מען אנקומען צי נעמען פון יענעם מיינט מען געלט נישט לעקעך,

עס וואלט געברויכט זיין פארקערט דער שמש זאל טיילן געלט אין דער עולם זאל אים אריינרוקען לעקעך...

chaimmayer · « **Reply #916 on:** September 13, 2013, 12:51:57 PM »

A guy goes into the pharmacy on ערב יום כיפור to buy 200 caffeine suppositories. The pharmacist asked him, "how come you need so many?"
The fellow answers, " I am sponsoring kiddush tomorrow".

SamKey · « **Reply #917 on:** September 14, 2013, 06:32:58 PM »

Quote from: centro on September 13, 2013, 11:13:58 AM

די גאנצע מעשה מיטן לעקעך מיט שמש איז פארדרייט,די גאנצע חכמה איז דאך אויב ברויך מען אנקומען צי נעמען פון יענעם מיינט מען געלט נישט לעקעך,

עס וואלט געברויכט זיין פארקערט דער שמש זאל טיילן געלט אין דער עולם זאל אים אריינרוקען לעקעך...

I wasted a lot more than just 5 seconds reading that (or atleast trying to)

SuperFlyer · « **Reply #918 on:** September 14, 2013, 07:33:36 PM »

Quote from: SamKey on September 14, 2013, 06:32:58 PM

I wasted a lot more than just 5 seconds reading that (or atleast trying to)

If reading from a pc, press ctrl and + to zoom in.

By us its the gabbai not shames that distributes.

SamKey · « **Reply #919 on:** September 15, 2013, 01:59:02 AM »

Quote from: SuperFlyer on September 14, 2013, 07:33:36 PM

If reading from a pc, press ctrl and + to zoom in.

By us its the gabbai not shames that distributes.

that wasn't the problem.... I guess I just have a different dialect off Yiddish

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Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 887727 times)