Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 716647 times)

chaimmayer · « **Reply #960 on:** October 18, 2013, 12:10:06 PM »

Quote from: SamKey on October 18, 2013, 11:57:45 AM

That's not funny

wife looking over your shoulder

SamKey · « **Reply #961 on:** October 18, 2013, 12:57:12 PM »

Quote from: chaimmayer on October 18, 2013, 12:10:06 PM

wife looking over your shoulder

Not yet but hopefully soon

reminds me if a line (yeah maybe I'll post it there too) Behind every great man...... is his wife rolling her eyes!

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #962 on:** October 19, 2013, 10:50:57 PM »

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken looked at him and said...

"Don't do it man... You will never hear the end of it!"

Centro · « **Reply #963 on:** October 20, 2013, 12:07:36 AM »

If the "Kol Hoo'oillum Killoy" had been around in the times Avraham Avenu... he would definitely have found 50 tzadikim in Sedoim!

Suave · « **Reply #964 on:** October 20, 2013, 08:23:58 AM »

True story: my friend goes to visit his not very frum FIL (who is always trying to impress him with how frum he is)

Friend notices an interesting looking blech with a 6 inch high wall around it (facing up). Pops, what is that? He says, FIL replies; ah. Thats eiruv tavshilin!

Seriously true story

ChAiM'l · « **Reply #965 on:** October 20, 2013, 10:57:29 AM »

Quote from: Suave on October 20, 2013, 08:23:58 AM

True story: my friend goes to visit his not very frum FIL (who is always trying to impress him with how frum he is)

Friend notices an interesting looking blech with a 6 inch high wall around it (facing up). Pops, what is that? He says, FIL replies; ah. Thats eiruv tavshilin!

Seriously true story

POIDH...

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #966 on:** October 20, 2013, 12:51:03 PM »

My brother just texted me: Asian drivers are so bad, I'm starting to think pearl harbor was an accident..
I replied:And Americans are so trigger happy, I'm beginning to think Hiroshima was just a result of lax gun laws...

MosheD · « **Reply #967 on:** October 22, 2013, 07:36:22 AM »

Saw this on fb...had to share

A mother and her child enter a cafe

Waiter: So what will it be?

Child: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN!

Awkward silence as everyone in the cafe turns towards them...

Mother: Eggs...he would like eggs.

metziah · « **Reply #968 on:** October 22, 2013, 09:28:35 AM »

There was a boss looking to hire someone. But, this boss had one funny thing about him, he didn't have any ears and was very sensitive about it. First day someone comes for an interview and does great on the exam. Then the boss asks him "do you notice anything funny about me"? After pausing for a second he says "yes, you don't have any ears". The boss throws him out.
Next day another guys comes in. He too does great on the exam. The boss asks him if he noticed anything funny about him. He start stuttering and fidgeting trying to get out of the situation. The boss urges him "c'mon tell me what's funny" finally he tells him "you don't have ears". The boss throws him out too.
Third day another guy comes in. He aces the exam and the boss is very excited. Then the boss asks him " do you notice anything funny about me"? He thinks for a second and then replies "Yes , you wear contact lenses".Amazed the boss asks him "Wow, how did you know that"? To which he responds "Easy, you don't have any ears so you can't wear glasses"!!!

good sam · « **Reply #969 on:** October 22, 2013, 11:36:41 AM »

Quote from: centro on October 20, 2013, 12:07:36 AM

If the "Kol Hoo'oillum Killoy" had been around in the times Avraham Avenu... he would definitely have found 50 tzadikim in Sedoim!

Just saw this one. ALOL

SamKey · « **Reply #970 on:** October 25, 2013, 04:26:22 PM »

What's the mekor for Chassan ciggarettes? Rivka came with a pack of camels!

How do we know that Adam Harishon was the first Rebbe? He wore a fur coat and his children killed each other

Suave · « **Reply #971 on:** October 26, 2013, 05:18:08 AM »

Quote from: SamKey on October 25, 2013, 04:26:22 PM

What's the mekor for Chassan ciggarettes? Rivka came with a pack of camels!

How do we know that Adam Harishon was the first Rebbe? He wore a fur coat and his children killed each other

Nice.

What did Avraham say when his tent fell down? Oh hell! (Ohel)

When HaShem said li hakesef vli hazahv, the Jews eagerly replied: Ani ledodi vedodi li.

SamKey · « **Reply #972 on:** October 27, 2013, 01:28:59 AM »

Quote from: Suave on October 26, 2013, 05:18:08 AM

When HaShem said li hakesef vli hazahv, the Jews eagerly replied: Ani ledodi vedodi li.

repost

Chaikel · « **Reply #973 on:** October 27, 2013, 11:05:00 AM »

Someone I know was in Israel experiencing his first Shabbos ever on his way to becoming a Ba'al Teshuva.

They sat down to the meal Friday night meal. After Kiddush they brought out Challah and many dips. So he figures this must be the way Israelis dine Friday night. After filling himself with Challah and dips they bring out fish... soup... and a whole main dish. He wasn't able to eat a thing by the time the main came around and left stuffed.

Next morning he sits down with the family for the day meal and they start with dips as well. He just assumes that they're not going to be serving a whole meal at 10am (they weren't lubavitch

)so fills up on challah and dips again...

So along comes Shalashudos. He's regained his appetite and ready for a nice meal. They bring out challah and dips and he tells himself "this time I'm gonna be smart and save space for the good food..."