Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 705168 times)

Offline good sam

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So if an Aku"m was Shoves Mideoraisa but was Over on a Derabanan is he Chayav Misa?
Anyone know the answer to this? I'm interested.
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline Achas Veachas

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Anyone know the answer to this? I'm interested.
Maybe move it to the Halachah thread...

Offline Mocha

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A Chassidishe yungerman was alone on a ship and got caught in a storm. His ship got damaged beyond repair but he saw an island and was able to make it to ashore. The island was vacant and he was all alone for 2 years before he was spotted by a passing ship. When they came to get him they noticed 2 big buildings, and they asked him what they were. He replied "those are 2 Shuls I built". To which they obviously asked "why two"? He answered while pointing at one of the buildings, "you don't understand, this one I refuse to walk into."

Offline good sam

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lol
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline meshugener

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A Chassidishe yungerman was alone on a ship and got caught in a storm. His ship got damaged beyond repair but he saw an island and was able to make it to ashore. The island was vacant and he was all alone for 2 years before he was spotted by a passing ship. When they came to get him they noticed 2 big buildings, and they asked him what they were. He replied "those are 2 Shuls I built". To which they obviously asked "why two"? He answered while pointing at one of the buildings, "you don't understand, this one I refuse to walk into."
:D
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Offline txtmax4

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A Chassidishe yungerman was alone on a ship and got caught in a storm. His ship got damaged beyond repair but he saw an island and was able to make it to ashore. The island was vacant and he was all alone for 2 years before he was spotted by a passing ship. When they came to get him they noticed 2 big buildings, and they asked him what they were. He replied "those are 2 Shuls I built". To which they obviously asked "why two"? He answered while pointing at one of the buildings, "you don't understand, this one I refuse to walk into."
FTFY  ;) :P
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Offline Saver2000

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FTFY  ;) :P
???
Seems like you missed the joke. 

Offline txtmax4

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???
Seems like you missed the joke. 
Seems from your comment that you're not a chossid ;)
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Offline jj1000

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  • Location: The value of a forum such as this one is not in that one can post a question and receive an answer, but in that the question has most likely been asked before, and the answer is available to him that will but only use the search function.
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Seems from your comment that you're not a chossid ;)
+1. Everyone knows a chossid wouldn't even make a shul :P
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Offline churnbabychurn

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???
Seems like you missed the joke.
He's not up to date on current events:D

Offline yuneeq

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My sister posted on whatsapp:

Workshop...very important...a must attend..both days essential 

 WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available.
Send this on to all women who may need a laugh and to guys who you think can handle the truth

My brother responded:
By the way I went to the WICOE workshop.. of course like all other women related things- it didn't start on time, had way too much talking, made no sense, did not answer any questions and cost me a fortune of money
Visibly Jewish

Offline HP58

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ROTFL

Offline george

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Really cute!

Offline jj1000

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Here is the best claim and easiest way to settle the Israel-Arab conflict.

Palestine belongs to the Arabs?

How many Muslims do u know with the last name Stein?
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Offline Achas Veachas

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Here is the best claim and easiest way to settle the Israel-Arab conflict.

Palestine belongs to the Arabs?

How many Muslims do u know with the last name Stein?
Groaaaaannnn

Offline frozy

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SOD Chuck Bagel is briefing the president.

Mr. President, he says, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday.

The president moans, puts his head in his hands and shows all kinds of distress.  The staff can't understand what the huge tragedy is in the death of the soldiers from a semi-rogue state.

Finally Obama picks up his head and asks "exactly how many is a brazillion?"

Offline frozy

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Sorry Chuck Hagel

Offline Mocha

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SOD Chuck Bagel is briefing the president.

Mr. President, he says, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday.

The president moans, puts his head in his hands and shows all kinds of distress.  The staff can't understand what the huge tragedy is in the death of the soldiers from a semi-rogue state.

Finally Obama picks up his head and asks "exactly how many is a brazillion?"
Ask the secret service. They know where to get them for cheap.

Offline Dan

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SOD Chuck Bagel is briefing the president.

Mr. President, he says, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday.

The president moans, puts his head in his hands and shows all kinds of distress.  The staff can't understand what the huge tragedy is in the death of the soldiers from a semi-rogue state.

Finally Obama picks up his head and asks "exactly how many is a brazillion?"

Was funnier when I heard that one about Bush 10 years ago.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Online elikay

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Sorry Chuck Hagel
I liked the bagel version!