Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 719080 times)

A European · « **Reply #1160 on:** February 20, 2014, 02:51:39 PM »

Quote from: good sam on February 19, 2014, 11:44:07 AM

Am I the only one who sees an opportunity here?

Opportunity for what?

AnonymousUser · « **Reply #1161 on:** February 20, 2014, 03:29:43 PM »

Quote from: good sam on February 19, 2014, 11:44:07 AM

Am I the only one who sees an opportunity here?

Now that you mention it...

Moishebatchy · « **Reply #1162 on:** February 22, 2014, 05:57:49 PM »

After today's WhatsApp outage, I can just see tomorrow's headline... "Facebook demanding $16b refund; says 'we're glad we paid for WhatsApp with an Amex'."

madopo · « **Reply #1163 on:** February 24, 2014, 02:44:04 PM »

Mohamed, a little boy living in France comes in to class on the first day of school. When the teacher asked for his name he replied, Mohamed, to which the teacher replied: what kind of name is that?! We are in france! Your name is now Jean Pierre. When Mohamed went home that night his mother asked him, Mohamed, how was your day? He answered, we are in France now and my name is no longer Mohamed, its Jean Pierre. His mother gave him a furious slap and continued to lecture him about how disgraceful he was to Islam. His father came home, heard the story and beat him to a bloody pulp. When Mohamed came to school the next day, the teacher asked him how he was doing.
Mohamed replied: I can't stand these Arabs! I haven't even been a Frenchman for 12 hours and I've already been beaten up by them twice!

AnonymousUser · « **Reply #1164 on:** February 24, 2014, 05:47:04 PM »

Quote from: madopo on February 24, 2014, 02:44:04 PM

Mohamed, a little boy living in France comes in to class on the first day of school. When the teacher asked for his name he replied, Mohamed, to which the teacher replied: what kind of name is that?! We are in france! Your name is now Jean Pierre. When Mohamed went home that night his mother asked him, Mohamed, how was your day? He answered, we are in France now and my name is no longer Mohamed, its Jean Pierre. His mother gave him a furious slap and continued to lecture him about how disgraceful he was to Islam. His father came home, heard the story and beat him to a bloody pulp. When Mohamed came to school the next day, the teacher asked him how he was doing.
Mohamed replied: I can't stand these Arabs! I haven't even been a Frenchman for 12 hours and I've already been beaten up by them twice!

Except that in France the teacher really would have said, "that's such a nice name. Your people are making such a wonderful contribution to French culture".

madopo · « **Reply #1165 on:** February 24, 2014, 06:10:31 PM »

Quote from: AnonymousUser on February 24, 2014, 05:47:04 PM

Except that in France the teacher really would have said, "that's such a nice name. Your people are making such a wonderful contribution to French culture".

Centro · « **Reply #1166 on:** February 24, 2014, 10:42:29 PM »

Husband : I have so many points on my drivers license I can go 2Europe and back
Wife : U have so many points on your marriage license you can go 2Europe and stay there!

Dr Moose · « **Reply #1167 on:** February 27, 2014, 02:35:17 PM »

the Bible is the most commonly stolen item; as it's well known: G-d helps those who help themselves.

intgesh · « **Reply #1168 on:** February 27, 2014, 03:28:35 PM »

http://collegecandy.com/2013/05/06/emails-flood-light-angry-neighbor/

ckmk47 · « **Reply #1169 on:** February 27, 2014, 05:35:23 PM »

(

Quote from: intgesh on February 27, 2014, 03:28:35 PM

http://collegecandy.com/2013/05/06/emails-flood-light-angry-neighbor/

Horrible side panel pictures of "stories we love".)

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #1170 on:** March 10, 2014, 09:33:57 PM »

Poland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small 2-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Only the pilot and co pilot survived. Pollack search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

etech0 · « **Reply #1171 on:** March 10, 2014, 09:34:37 PM »

Nice to see this thread alive again!

Joe4007 · « **Reply #1172 on:** March 10, 2014, 10:56:57 PM »

Quote from: Achas Veachas on March 10, 2014, 09:33:57 PM

Poland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small 2-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Only the pilot and co pilot survived. Pollack search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

Paging Count.

etech0 · « **Reply #1173 on:** March 10, 2014, 11:17:30 PM »

Quote from: Joe4007 on March 10, 2014, 10:56:57 PM

Paging Count.

I hope he was one of the survivors!

churnbabychurn · « **Reply #1174 on:** March 10, 2014, 11:29:54 PM »

Hes still diggin

etech0 · « **Reply #1175 on:** March 10, 2014, 11:30:30 PM »

Quote from: churnbabychurn on March 10, 2014, 11:29:54 PM

Hes still diggin

Literally LOL!
Let's not insult anyone, though!

ckmk47 · « **Reply #1176 on:** March 16, 2014, 11:23:39 PM »

(moved from 'Best one--liners)

Next year's shalach monos theme: 3 R's - recycle, reuse and return. Happy Purim!
When someone gives you a shalach monos, put a sticker on it with the theme written out, and then hand it back to them!
No more spending the night before Purim on preparing shlach monos!

YSP · « **Reply #1177 on:** March 17, 2014, 08:57:39 AM »

Why does the charedi megilla take so long? Cuz every time it says medina they bang

etech0 · « **Reply #1178 on:** March 17, 2014, 09:31:29 AM »

Quote from: YSP on March 17, 2014, 08:57:39 AM

Why does the Satmar megilla take so long? Cuz every time it says medina they bang

FTFY

srap · « **Reply #1179 on:** March 17, 2014, 10:28:14 AM »

Quote from: Achas Veachas on March 10, 2014, 09:33:57 PM

Poland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small 2-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Only the pilot and co pilot survived. Pollack search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

That was really funny. Thank you. Does MLOL exist in yeshivish shprach?

Topic Wiki

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 719080 times)