Jokes Master Thread

[ilherman]

I beg your pardon?
Feel free to disagree, but don't start calling my carefully selected words BS. Many thanks.
Speak to someone who has real, diagnosed OCD for which they require professional treatment (therapy and/or medication). Ask them if their condition is comparable to a women who spends too much money at Bloomingdales.
I assume many here know about OCD and may even know someone who has OCD, bu they don't really know what its all about and how it affects the person's life and the lives of the people they live with.
Also, as is the case with ADD, the term "OCD" is thrown around all the time in reference to people and behviors that don't actually have real OCD. Maybe that's why people are loose with joking about it.

I'm currently talking about 50K in spending thresholds. Wife spending 50K at Bloomingdales is veeery sad and you should make sure your wife never makes such a joke. Maybe when you have just a small spending threshold she is allowed to. Ask a Shayle before 

[george]

Ok I have one. It's a knock knock joke. But this one, you have to start and then I go. So say knock knock..

BUMP

[ilherman]

Ok I have one. It's a knock knock joke. But this one, you have to start and then I go. So say knock knock..

Am I missing something? Why is it funny?

[Myccrabbi]

Ok,
Let's put a fork in it!

[george]

Dude, you gotta say knock knock!

[etech0]

A cop pulled me over he said papers..., I said Scissors I win!!! and then drove off.

[Myccrabbi]

A cop pulled me over he said papers..., I said Scissors I win!!! and then drove off.

lol!

[george]

A cop pulled me over he said papers..., I said Scissors I win!!! and then drove off.

Driving away while pulled over is a serious crime and should not be joked about. 

[ilherman]

A cop pulled me over he said papers..., I said Scissors I win!!! and then drove off.

A cop pulling over is not funny at all  Paging george ASAP

[etech0]

Driving away while pulled over is a serious crime and should not be joked about. 

Sorry if that wasn't funny. Let's try another...

Top 10 Excuses for Sleeping at Work
   1. Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.
   2. I was working smarter — not harder.
   3. Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper.
   4. Oh, I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
   5. I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance.
   6. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!
   7. I’m actually doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan” (SLEEP) I learned at that seminar you made me attend.
   8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
   9. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
   10. Geez, boss, I thought you were gone for the day.

[danrocks613]

"Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands."

Hope all those tax evaders are not insulted.

[george]

A cop pulling over is not funny at all  Paging george ASAP

Driving away while pulled over is a serious crime and should not be joked about. 

Beat you to it by five seconds!

[etech0]

"Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands."

Hope all those tax evaders are not insulted.

Not a joke. Thanks for reminding me to send in those papers asap.

[Myccrabbi]

"Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands."

Hope all those tax evaders are not insulted.

ummmm? What does tax mean?

[etech0]

ummmm? What does tax mean?

they are used for sticking important papers onto a bulletin board or wall

[Myccrabbi]

they are used for sticking important papers onto a bulletin board or wall

ahhhhhh, now I understand.

[ilherman]

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=40421.0;topicseen

[etech0]

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=40421.0;topicseen

That's not a joke, that's pretty serious...

[george]

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=40421.0;topicseen

ALOL!
Very clever.

[ilherman]

That's not a joke, that's pretty serious...

Waiting for george..

I have a better one http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?action=profile;u=5560

Just read through a little..