Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 837106 times)

Offline Myccrabbi

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בדיחה שתסביר את המצב יותר טוב מכל דבר:
זבוב נופל לתוך כוס קפה.
איטלקי - שופך את הכוס, מתעצבן והולך.

צרפתי – מוציא את הזבוב, שותה את הקפה.

סיני – שופך את הקפה ואוכל את הזבוב.

רוסי – שותה את הקפה בשקט.

ישראלי – מוכר את הקפה לצרפתי, את הזבוב לסיני. קונה לעצמו כוס קפה חדשה.
בכסף שנשאר מקים סטרארטאפ כדי לפתח מכשיר שמונע כניסה של זבובים לקפה.

פלסטינאי - מאשים את הישראלי בכך שהכניס לו את הזבוב לקפה. מגיש תלונה לאו"ם על הפעלת כוח מופרז, מקבל סבסוד מהאיחוד האירופי לקניית כוס קפה חדשה. בפועל קונה חומר נפץ ומפוצץ את בית הקפה שבו איטלקי, צרפתי, סיני,ורוסי מנסים להסביר לישראלי, שהישראלי חייב לוותר על הכוס קפה שלו לטובת הפלסטיני.
If u work for a living, why kill urself working?

Offline MeirS

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בדיחה שתסביר את המצב יותר טוב מכל דבר:
זבוב נופל לתוך כוס קפה.
איטלקי - שופך את הכוס, מתעצבן והולך.

צרפתי – מוציא את הזבוב, שותה את הקפה.

סיני – שופך את הקפה ואוכל את הזבוב.

רוסי – שותה את הקפה בשקט.

ישראלי – מוכר את הקפה לצרפתי, את הזבוב לסיני. קונה לעצמו כוס קפה חדשה.
בכסף שנשאר מקים סטרארטאפ כדי לפתח מכשיר שמונע כניסה של זבובים לקפה.

פלסטינאי - מאשים את הישראלי בכך שהכניס לו את הזבוב לקפה. מגיש תלונה לאו"ם על הפעלת כוח מופרז, מקבל סבסוד מהאיחוד האירופי לקניית כוס קפה חדשה. בפועל קונה חומר נפץ ומפוצץ את בית הקפה שבו איטלקי, צרפתי, סיני,ורוסי מנסים להסביר לישראלי, שהישראלי חייב לוותר על הכוס קפה שלו לטובת הפלסטיני.
Repost  (it was in English, a while back)

Offline SamKey

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"I renamed my Ipod to 'Titanic' so when I plug it in it says 'Titanic is syncing'"
HT:RD

Offline etech0

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You know the lady who made the password to her computer "incorrect" so that when she forgets it, the computer tells her "Your password is incorrect"
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline YOSEF

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You know the lady who made the password to her computer "incorrect" so that when she forgets it, the computer tells her "Your password is incorrect"
Its really a blond joke....

Offline dans fan

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husband tells wife "i had enough of calling the bathrom 'the John' from now on we will call it Jim. wife agrees
later wife overhears husband boasting to his friend how he spends a hour in the jim each day after work.
like all puns its funnier when its verbal

Offline Moshe123

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בדיחה:
ביבי

Offline MeirS

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זאת לא בדיחה מצחיקה

Offline Moshe123

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נכון

Offline Myccrabbi

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וואלה, בכל זאת בדיחה.
If u work for a living, why kill urself working?

Offline dudi

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וואלה, בכל זאת בדיחה.
וואלה צודק.  העיקר שצוחקים.

Offline Myccrabbi

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על פי הוראת וועד הרבנים אין לשלוח בווצאפ דברים המשמחים את הלב...  במידה וקבלת משהו מצחיק להסתפק ב- ח....  אחד ולא חחח...  כנהוג..  צום קל.
If u work for a living, why kill urself working?

Offline Achas Veachas

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⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔
פסק הלכה של ועדת הרבנים לענייני תקשורת קובע שמי שאין לו כח להגיד את הקינות, שיתעסק באייפון. שהרי בט' באב מותר ומצווה להתעסק רק בדברים הקשורים לחורבן... והלא האייפון הוא אשר הביא את החורבן הגדול ביותר בדורינו...
⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔

Offline chamdena

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I'm sure this one has been around.  But,  for those who haven't seen it...
Benny Gantz walks into Bibis office and sees him reciting tikkun klali. Surprised, Benny asks Bibi "ata chozer bitshuvah?" Bibi answers "ani achshav chazarti mipgisha im Kerry"
;)

Offline etech0

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If you give a mom a muffin,
she’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
Her three year-old will come and spill the coffee.
Mom will wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry into the washer, she’ll trip over shoes and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook
(How to Make 101 Things With a Pound of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse,
which is being dumped out by her two year-old.
Then she’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year-old.
While she is changing the two year-old, the phone will ring.
Her five year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she was supposed to phone a friend to come over for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some more.
And chances are,
if she has a cup a coffee,
her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline stbaum

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If you give a mom a muffin,
she’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
Her three year-old will come and spill the coffee.
Mom will wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry into the washer, she’ll trip over shoes and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook
(How to Make 101 Things With a Pound of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse,
which is being dumped out by her two year-old.
Then she’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year-old.
While she is changing the two year-old, the phone will ring.
Her five year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she was supposed to phone a friend to come over for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some more.
And chances are,
if she has a cup a coffee,
her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

i'm uncomfortable with how accurate this is
My greatest achievement? I am fluent in FRIENDS quotes

Offline etech0

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i'm uncomfortable with how accurate this is
I was waiting for your reply!
:)
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline stbaum

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I was waiting for your reply!
:)
I'm truly honored!!
My greatest achievement? I am fluent in FRIENDS quotes

Offline Abet rich

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If you give a mom a muffin,
she’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
Her three year-old will come and spill the coffee.
Mom will wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry into the washer, she’ll trip over shoes and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook
(How to Make 101 Things With a Pound of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse,
which is being dumped out by her two year-old.
Then she’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year-old.
While she is changing the two year-old, the phone will ring.
Her five year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she was supposed to phone a friend to come over for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some more.
And chances are,
if she has a cup a coffee,
her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
Haha. Where did you come up with this on?
Contact me at abereich19@gmail.com for all help and info.

Offline lubaby

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