Author Topic: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread (Read 228298 times)

joe1234 · « **Reply #740 on:** August 25, 2021, 10:50:35 PM »

Quote from: YitzyS on August 25, 2021, 09:05:05 PM

eyeyeyeye

NTorch · « **Reply #741 on:** August 26, 2021, 09:29:08 AM »

Euclid · « **Reply #742 on:** August 26, 2021, 09:45:50 AM »

Quote from: NTorch on August 26, 2021, 09:29:08 AM

I think this is actually the origin of the term. Like "burning the candle from both ends".

NTorch · « **Reply #743 on:** August 27, 2021, 01:37:41 PM »

I DO NOT AGREE with the implication of the joke, but it is corny and applicable to tomorrow...

NTorch · « **Reply #744 on:** August 30, 2021, 11:01:05 AM »

Shmulie · « **Reply #745 on:** August 31, 2021, 12:13:42 AM »

https://www.twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1432494177674203143

https://www.twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1432491362105143298

Something Fishy · « **Reply #746 on:** August 31, 2021, 12:36:09 AM »

A sheepdog walks over to the farmer and announces, "it took me all morning, but I got all 100 sheep into the barn".

"Very nice," says the farmer, "but I only have 97 sheep".

"I know," replies the dog, "I just rounded them up".

NTorch · « **Reply #747 on:** August 31, 2021, 09:44:56 AM »

NTorch · « **Reply #748 on:** September 01, 2021, 10:33:56 AM »

sguitarist18 · « **Reply #749 on:** September 03, 2021, 12:04:23 AM »

If a gay couple goes together to get their Pfizer shots, is that a vaccine mandate?

Euclid · « **Reply #750 on:** September 03, 2021, 12:12:37 AM »

Quote from: sguitarist18 on September 03, 2021, 12:04:23 AM

If a gay couple goes together to get their Pfizer shots, is that a vaccine mandate?

Quote from: Euclid on August 23, 2021, 07:33:31 PM

He's trying to solve the shidduch crisis

sguitarist18 · « **Reply #751 on:** September 03, 2021, 12:50:26 AM »

Quote from: Euclid on September 03, 2021, 12:12:37 AM

Boruch shekivanti!

Side note, when I was in shidduchim, the Brooklyn Marriott was the stereotypical dating spot - on any given evening, you'd usually see multiple shidduch dates in their lounge. I always had a temptation to just go with a friend one night, but of us in suits and black hats, and sipping a soda while we shmoozed for an hour.

TimT · « **Reply #752 on:** September 03, 2021, 01:01:33 AM »

Quote from: sguitarist18 on September 03, 2021, 12:50:26 AM

I always had a temptation to just go with a friend one night, but of us in suits and black hats, and sipping a soda while we shmoozed for an hour.

But then you remembered you’re

Quote from: sguitarist18 on September 03, 2021, 12:50:26 AM

in shidduchim

& you’d better not.

NTorch · « **Reply #753 on:** September 03, 2021, 10:20:14 AM »

Yom Tov Special for Dan's Deals Corny Joke Thread members

S209 · « **Reply #754 on:** September 03, 2021, 10:27:30 AM »

Quote from: NTorch on August 19, 2021, 09:31:17 PM

Well before R' Boruch Epstein wrote his book, Yitzchak Avinu could have written one called "My Aunt, the Netziv".

Lot’s wife turned around while walking and turned into a pillar of salt.

My friend’s wife turned around while driving and turned into a light pole!

Lurker · « **Reply #755 on:** September 03, 2021, 10:27:47 AM »

Quote from: NTorch on September 03, 2021, 10:20:14 AM

Yom Tov Special for non- Dan's Deals Corny Joke Thread members

FTFY. DDers pay $.42 for a deck of cards.

Yehuda57 · « **Reply #756 on:** September 03, 2021, 10:40:49 AM »

Quote from: Lurker on September 03, 2021, 10:27:47 AM

FTFY. DDers pay $.42 for a deck of cards.

So for DDFers it's $.42 for 4 suits, and 4 suites for free

sguitarist18 · « **Reply #757 on:** September 03, 2021, 01:27:02 PM »

Quote from: TimT on September 03, 2021, 01:01:33 AM

But then you remembered you’re & you’d better not.

Actually, that wouldn't have stopped me...more that I felt it was too inappropriate to actually do.

AsherO · « **Reply #758 on:** September 03, 2021, 02:57:16 PM »

Quote from: Yehuda57 on September 03, 2021, 10:40:49 AM

and 4 suites for free

Now that's a suite deal

sguitarist18 · « **Reply #759 on:** September 04, 2021, 11:50:26 PM »

I was told that this one is "abuse disguised as a joke," so I figured it might belong here.

In a discussion in mesechta succah about an esrog that had some nibbling on it, the gemara explains that even if you say that an esrog that a person has bitten a piece off of is still kosher, if a mouse nibbled on it, it's passul, because "achbar mice-y."

OK, technically, it's more like "achbar mi'isi", but still...