Author Topic: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread (Read 229037 times)

Euclid · « **Reply #880 on:** December 29, 2021, 10:54:20 AM »

Quote from: Shmulie on December 29, 2021, 10:45:29 AM

Facepalm roles reversed.

NTorch · « **Reply #881 on:** December 30, 2021, 09:26:53 AM »

TimT · « **Reply #882 on:** December 30, 2021, 11:52:05 PM »

https://twitter.com/Dadsaysjokes/status/1476520124668694529

TimT · « **Reply #883 on:** December 30, 2021, 11:52:48 PM »

https://twitter.com/Dadsaysjokes/status/1476602181121937412

Happyguy · « **Reply #884 on:** January 09, 2022, 03:31:12 PM »

It doesn't really work to translate it.

YitzyS · « **Reply #885 on:** January 09, 2022, 05:19:13 PM »

Quote from: Happyguy on January 09, 2022, 03:31:12 PM

It doesn't really work to translate it.

Perhaps:

Karen walked up to me while I was enjoying lunch in a restaurant without a mask and says, "Hey buddy, go ahead and tack a mask onto your smart-alecky face." So I responded, "Didn't they teach you in preschool not to tack while you eat?"

NTorch · « **Reply #886 on:** January 10, 2022, 09:10:16 AM »

When I was walking to shul for mincha on Shabbos afternoon, I remarked to a friend "it's going to be a cold Kiddush levana."

Someone walking into shul with us quipped "if we get a bunch of guys to chip in, maybe we can have a hot kiddush levana."

AsherO · « **Reply #887 on:** January 10, 2022, 09:49:32 AM »

Quote from: NTorch on January 10, 2022, 09:10:16 AM

When I was walking to shul for mincha on Shabbos afternoon, I remarked to a friend "it's going to be a cold Kiddush levana."

Someone walking into shul with us quipped "if we get a bunch of guys to chip in, maybe we can have a hot kiddush levana."

Serve bourbon, it’s guaranteed to be hot!

Might even give a new meaning to כשם שאני רוקד כנגדך, כך לא יכלו כל אויבי לנגוע בי לרעה…

Yehuda57 · « **Reply #888 on:** January 10, 2022, 09:57:52 AM »

https://twitter.com/DrunkMohel/status/1470555404975448065

AsherO · « **Reply #889 on:** January 10, 2022, 10:02:52 AM »

Quote from: Yehuda57 on January 10, 2022, 09:57:52 AM

https://twitter.com/DrunkMohel/status/1470555404975448065

Holy s***

lubaby · « **Reply #890 on:** January 10, 2022, 10:22:18 AM »

Quote from: Yehuda57 on January 10, 2022, 09:57:52 AM

https://twitter.com/DrunkMohel/status/1470555404975448065

Now if only there were toilets to be found in India..

Yehuda57 · « **Reply #891 on:** January 10, 2022, 10:23:41 AM »

Quote from: lubaby on January 10, 2022, 10:22:18 AM

Now if only there were toilets to be found in India..

Over there it is קום ועשה

AsherO · « **Reply #892 on:** January 10, 2022, 10:25:55 AM »

Quote from: Yehuda57 on January 10, 2022, 10:23:41 AM

Over there it is קום ועשה

That’s because

עשה דוחה לא תעשה

NTorch · « **Reply #893 on:** January 10, 2022, 06:26:57 PM »

NTorch · « **Reply #894 on:** January 12, 2022, 11:46:57 AM »

AsherO · « **Reply #895 on:** January 12, 2022, 12:01:50 PM »

Quote from: NTorch on January 12, 2022, 11:46:57 AM

This post needs a *trigger warning*

yungermanchik · « **Reply #896 on:** January 12, 2022, 10:18:28 PM »

Gemach listing:

Quote

Od Yeshoma

Free earplugs for use at chasuna when music gets too loud.

NTorch · « **Reply #897 on:** January 13, 2022, 10:00:05 AM »

S209 · « **Reply #898 on:** January 13, 2022, 10:18:10 AM »

Quote from: S209 on January 13, 2022, 09:49:45 AM

At Weberman’s trial there was a certain fellow who was arrested for making a disturbance because he was heckling the accuser during her testimony. When they processed him they entered his name on the arrest record as Lemon Juice- because he had his name legally changed prior to the trial knowing that he was going to get himself arrested.

My uncle always says if he would have changed his name to Prune Juice instead he would have gotten out faster.

TimT · « **Reply #899 on:** January 14, 2022, 12:40:29 AM »

https://twitter.com/Dadsaysjokes/status/1481351836426776581