Author Topic: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread  (Read 5439 times)

Offline avadah

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Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« on: January 13, 2014, 11:55:04 AM »
I'll kick it off.

Q) What was the snowman doing on DDF?

A) Just chillin'

Offline good sam

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2014, 03:11:57 PM »
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline SamKey

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2014, 03:23:07 PM »
??? The joke thread is titled everything goes

Offline avadah

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2014, 05:01:56 PM »
Right. And this is titled Corny Jokes & Bad Puns meaning only these types of jokes.

Offline SamKey

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2014, 05:27:30 PM »
Right. And this is titled Corny Jokes & Bad Puns meaning only these types of jokes.
put a fork in it

Offline normallyavoyeur

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2014, 08:34:58 PM »
Why can't you keep jews in prison?  They eat all the lox.


Offline Dan

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Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline davidrotts63

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2018, 12:49:42 PM »
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
You had waaaay too much pun there, one more and we'd have to punish you :)
(Quit) pulling out the flowers, and watering the weeds. -Peter Lynch

Offline Mordyk

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2018, 01:25:48 PM »
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
After such an article does united try to reach out to you? ;) I imagine they dont like reading articles like this...

Offline Dan

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2018, 03:22:24 PM »
Via https://www.facebook.com/almamariacarter/posts/987546538068851

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline aygart

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2018, 03:56:46 PM »
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

like
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used to start a religious discussion.

Offline Yehuda57

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2018, 09:40:10 PM »
Oh no, a thread for bad puns? (a redundant redundancy, if ever there was one). This thread is going to quickly become the most ignored thread on DDF.

Anyhoo, here are a few:

Quote from: ExGingi
[Stating things eloquently] seems to be Yehuda57's job around here :)

Offline whYME

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2018, 11:52:21 AM »
Some are better than others...
   


    Two atoms walk into a bar. One says to the other, "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
     
    A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much is a beer?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
     
    The tachyon orders a beer. A tachyon walks into a bar.
     
    Why Did the Chicken Cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
     
    Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any noble gases in this bar." Helium doesn't react.
     
    A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any neutrinos in this bar." The neutrino says, "Don't mind me; I'm just passing through."

    A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! There are no superconductors allowed in this bar." The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
     
    Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any bacteria in this bar. The two bacteria say, "Hey, but we work here. We're staph."
     
    Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.
     
    A parasite walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! No parasite are welcome in this bar." The parasite says, "Well, you're not a very good host."
     
    An infrared photon walks into a bar and says, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
     
    A scientist is denied entrance to a microbiology lab. When he asks why, he is told that it is for "Staph Only"
     
    Why are molecular biologists fashionable? They wear designer genes.
     
    What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
     
    What do you call a microbiologist that has traveled to every country in the world? A man of many cultures
     
    A Higgs boson walks into a [Catholic] church and the priest says "thank god you made it, we cant have mass without you."
     
    Why was Heisenberg's wife never satisfied? Answer: When he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
     
    A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind here!" The mushroom says, "Aw c'mon bartender, I'm a fungi (fun guy)"
     
    Heisenberg stopped by the police for speeding. They asked him if he knew how fast he was going and he replied: "No, but I know where I am".
     
    In other news, DNA helicase was arrested this morning for unzipping his genes in public.
     
    What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Answer: Pumpkin Pi!
     
    Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second "if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside"

Offline whYME

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2018, 12:27:09 PM »
Brilliant.
Is this your own?

Offline Yehuda57

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Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
« Reply #14 on: April 26, 2018, 12:37:46 PM »
Brilliant.
Is this your own?
Sadly, yes.
Quote from: ExGingi
[Stating things eloquently] seems to be Yehuda57's job around here :)