Author Topic: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............  (Read 5937 times)

Online avromie7

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #40 on: January 01, 2023, 01:00:11 PM »
Absolutely not. It's nobody else's decision or discussion (unless the parents actually want their own parents opinions). According to you may e they should also bring 1 person from each neighbor so that they too can't come back with any complaints. As well as each sibling, people from shul, etc. Heck, they should bring me and you too!
You may be correct in principle, but the fact of the matter is they will continue hearing about it for many years to come, now is the opportunity to put the discussion to bed. The last thing they need is a parent telling them you should've done different and if you would've told the Gadol ABC they would've told you to do what I said.

Someone my father knows very well lost his wife a few years ago. It reached a point that the only remaining option was an experimental treatment that had a risk of killing her sooner. They went to ask HaRav Dovid Feinstein, and he took along someone from his family and someone from her family. (Rav Dovid said not to do the treatment, at which point he broke down crying. Rav Dovid then said "the children will grow up the way she wants them")
« Last Edit: January 01, 2023, 01:24:06 PM by avromie7 »
I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all their free time.

Online Sammy82

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #41 on: January 01, 2023, 01:30:00 PM »
You may be correct in principle, but the fact of the matter is they will continue hearing about it for many years to come, now is the opportunity to put the discussion to bed. The last thing they need is a parent telling them you should've done different and if you would've told the Gadol ABC they would've told you to do what I said.

Someone my father knows very well lost his wife a few years ago. It reached a point that the only remaining option was an experimental treatment that had a risk of killing her sooner. They went to ask HaRav Dovid Feinstein, and he took along someone from his family and someone from her family. (Rav Dovid said not to do the treatment, at which point he broke down crying. Rav Dovid then said "the children will grow up the way she wants them")
The life of a wife is very different than the situation we're talking about. Can't compare the two.
And again, if they want to bring the grandparents into the conversation, then by all means they could. But the grandparents gave no more of a 'right' than any other schmoe.

Offline LNS

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #42 on: January 01, 2023, 01:54:16 PM »
i honestly think this is such a super sensitive topic and decision and no family members opinions should get involved
everyone should be as supportive as possible of the parents and that's it …they can think whatever they would like in the privacy of their own minds
but to add your own emotions to a couple that is already emotionally overwhelmed is wrong and unfair

that being said i know of a family that gave up their special needs child the Childs grandfather was very bothered by this but didn't say anything instead he chose to keep up his relationship with this child... he got in contact with the new family asked their permission to help him maintain a relationship.
they send him pictures and updates and he sends gifts to the family and the child


Offline LNS

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #43 on: January 01, 2023, 01:56:47 PM »

Sometimes it makes sense to have someone take care of the baby for a short period to take the pressure off and they can make a more level headed decision.

this makes the most sense
there is so much going on how can anyone be expected to make a lifelong decision

Offline yakov116

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #44 on: January 01, 2023, 02:01:53 PM »
this makes the most sense
there is so much going on how can anyone be expected to make a lifelong decision


HUGE depends on the situation see my other comment https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=131886.msg2668422#msg2668422.

These kind of comments drive me nuts, how can you say "this makes the most sense", if you have no idea what the family situation is.

You are no different then the grandparents that says "It makes so much sense to give the child away, how can you be expected to take care of the child your entire life"!

Money talks...mine says goodbye!

Offline aygart

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #45 on: January 01, 2023, 02:07:58 PM »
HUGE depends on the situation see my other comment https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=131886.msg2668422#msg2668422.

These kind of comments drive me nuts, how can you say "this makes the most sense", if you have no idea what the family situation is.

You are no different then the grandparents that says "It makes so much sense to give the child away, how can you be expected to take care of the child your entire life"!
That was the first half of what I wrote.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline yakov116

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #46 on: January 01, 2023, 02:09:24 PM »
That was the first half of what I wrote.

Exactly my point, he only quoted the second half.
Money talks...mine says goodbye!

Offline Yosel

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #47 on: January 01, 2023, 02:10:32 PM »
They should also make sure to bring along someone from each family to give them the opportunity to voice any opinions/concerns as well as hear the psak for themselves so they can't come back later with any complaints.
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Offline LNS

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #48 on: January 01, 2023, 02:13:01 PM »
Exactly my point, he only quoted the second half.

i agree with everything you said
i quoted that to point out that it might not be best time to make a decsion at all 

Offline Yosel

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #49 on: January 01, 2023, 03:03:08 PM »
Instead of a poll.

Do we have a DDF’r who lived in a home with a special needs sibling?

Do we have a DDF’r who lived in a home where the special needs sibling was given away?

Please share your experience

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #50 on: January 01, 2023, 05:05:43 PM »
Instead of a poll.

Do we have a DDF’r who lived in a home with a special needs sibling?

Do we have a DDF’r who lived in a home where the special needs sibling was given away?

Please share your experience
Well, what's a special needs sibling?
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Offline lubaby

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #51 on: January 01, 2023, 05:39:24 PM »
Instead of a poll.

Do we have a DDF’r who lived in a home with a special needs sibling?

Do we have a DDF’r who lived in a home where the special needs sibling was given away?

Please share your experience
And of course we’d all need the full life story (SS# too?) of everyone involved..
What we dont know:

1) Is this a medical child that needs machines, a mental child, or both!
2) Where they live, that may play a major factor what help is a available. 
3) Do they have family around them that can help out?
4) Are the parents both working?
5) Is their house that they are currently in able to handle the child?

Etc....

Offline TzviR

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #52 on: January 01, 2023, 11:03:38 PM »
Well, what's a special needs sibling?
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Offline yoohoo

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #53 on: January 02, 2023, 11:56:56 AM »
is the gadol hador still around? Is he still giving the same advice?
point is there’s no 1 size answer. Family circumstances are taken into consideration. Are you asking if he would give the same advice to someone else? Obviously not if the there aren’t the same conditions etc

Offline yoohoo

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #54 on: January 02, 2023, 11:58:43 AM »
Might I add, the amount of psychological analysis the parents have to go thru themselves before they even allow such a decision to take place is extraordinary…..it’s not something that’s just a signature and done

Offline koplonko

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #55 on: January 02, 2023, 12:27:25 PM »
Please tell the parents that we need a bit more time to discuss and reach a decision

Offline Yosel

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #56 on: January 02, 2023, 09:34:37 PM »
Well, what's a special needs sibling?
The theory is that if one grew up in a household where there was a special needs child, someone was affected. Let’s hear the positive and the negative.
I know every case is different.

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Re: Keeping home Special needs child? Or...............
« Reply #57 on: January 02, 2023, 10:35:33 PM »
The theory is that if one grew up in a household where there was a special needs child, someone was affected. Let’s hear the positive and the negative.
I know every case is different.

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