Poll

Do you hit your children, and why/why not?

Heck yeah!
11 (14.1%)
Never!
15 (19.2%)
I try not to but when they really get crazy...
9 (11.5%)
Only for Chinuch or life threatening situations.
33 (42.3%)
I don't but my spouse does.
1 (1.3%)
You mean people still do this? *shocked*
9 (11.5%)

Total Members Voted: 78

Author Topic: Do you hit your kids?  (Read 15748 times)

Offline george

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #90 on: February 19, 2014, 03:45:45 PM »
A parent who consistently loses their cool and yells and contorts their face and furrows their brow and  pops their eyes out and gets red in the face over relatively insignificant things (like when the children got into a fight while parent was trying to concentrate on something important, or like when child fails to complete a task that the parent requested them to do twelve times, etc etc etc.), then the parent loses arguably the most important discipline tool they had: Expressing sincere frustration with the child's behavior. Yes this can and should be a very effective tool. All kids want to make their parents happy and proud. But if the parents lose their cool every other second, it becomes ineffective and meaningless (except that it still harms the child in many cases). So those parents may find that they must resort to hitting for situations like running in the street. Because the normal, healthy way to teach the child that a certain behavior is not ok, has been rendered ineffective due to gross abuse and misuse.

Offline Baruch

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #91 on: February 19, 2014, 03:46:32 PM »
Speaking to a 'hitting parent', think about the last time you spanked your child. Think about the mood you were in. If you had just received a huge salary bonus or raise, and had been in a terrific mood, do you think you'd have still hit your child?

Probably not.

That means that the spanking can be attributed to your mood rather than the child's behavior.

Just something to think about.
If you spank your kid because your in a bad mood, your wrong. It can only be done when you're in a balanced state of mind. Never out of anger. You're child will know if the spank was out of anger, or in order to better him.
When somebody thanks you for a favor you've done, respond "my pleasure", not "no problem".

Offline judahk88

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #92 on: February 19, 2014, 03:48:40 PM »
Doing an action is diff then thinking
So just walk out of the room. It just seems a little silly to me that someone would go put on a jacket to cool down.

Offline george

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #93 on: February 19, 2014, 03:48:59 PM »
Doesn't seem to be obvious to some. The point is, that 98% of chinuch is not applied, its subconsciously absorbed.
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Offline Ergel

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Life isn't about checking the boxes. Nobody cares.

Offline judahk88

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #95 on: February 19, 2014, 03:49:09 PM »
Doesn't seem to be obvious to some. The point is, that 98% of chinuch is not applied, its subconsciously absorbed.
True

Offline Baruch

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #96 on: February 19, 2014, 03:50:24 PM »
A parent who consistently loses their cool and yells and contorts their face and furrows their brow pops their eyes out and gets red in the face over relatively insignificant things (like when the children got into a fight while parent was trying to concentrate on something important, or like when child fails to complete a task that the parent requested them to do twelve times, etc etc etc.), then the parent loses arguably the most important discipline tool they had: Expressing sincere frustration witht he child's behavior. Yes this can and should be a very effective tool. All kids want to make their parents happy and proud. But if the parents lose their cool every other second, it becomes ineffecitev and meaningless except that it still harms the child in many cases). So those parents may find that they must resort to hitting for situations like running in the street. Because the normal, healthy way to teach the child that a certain behavior is not ok, has been rendered ineffective due to gross abuse and misuse.
I'd rather give my kid a light/moderate potch for a deserving reason (once every 2 months type deserving) than screaming at him brows popping out and getting red and scaring his poor soul.
When somebody thanks you for a favor you've done, respond "my pleasure", not "no problem".

Offline Sport

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #97 on: February 19, 2014, 03:57:32 PM »
I would like to recommend a fantastic book on raising children that will be enlightening to some here. It's called Unconditional Parenting  by Alfie Kohn

Offline george

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #98 on: February 19, 2014, 03:57:38 PM »
I'd rather give my kid a light/moderate potch for a deserving reason (once every 2 months type deserving) than screaming at him brows popping out and getting red and scaring his poor soul.
Forgive me for being unclear.
I am not condoning screaming as you described. I am saying that it is such screaming that renders ineffective sincere attempts to express disapproval/disappointment in a civil manner.
A parent who regularly controls himself and maintains his cool will find that a relatively minor expression of disapproval can work wonders. Just raising your voice slightly will make a huge impact if done right. But not if you scream your head off every day because child didn't clean his room AGAIN.

Offline henche

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #99 on: February 19, 2014, 04:02:00 PM »

I have a few friends whose dads have a hitting jacket"- when they feel their kid deserves a smack, they first go to the closet and put on this jacket- this gives them time to cool down and assess if they are hitting due to their mood or the behavior of the kid

Interesting idea.

I have a hitting whip.  When I feel the need to smack my kid, I go to the garage and take down my whip, and then clean if off, and oil it. This gives me time to cool down and assess how best to hit.

Offline elit

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #100 on: February 19, 2014, 04:11:30 PM »

Its not the parenting, its the parents!
Same thing
Not at all the same perhaps  the parents are still dealing with the repercussions of the parenting of the last generation which maybe the problem....

Offline elit

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #101 on: February 19, 2014, 04:15:17 PM »

I must say that this generation (the first one with an anti discipline attitude) is producing the greatest products.

#sarcasm
it is quite disturbing to me that people think today's problems stem from a lack of discipline. What is the line of thinking? Where is there evidence to that? What das Torah agrees with that?

Offline Baruch

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #102 on: February 19, 2014, 04:20:31 PM »
it is quite disturbing to me that people think today's problems stem from a lack of discipline. What is the line of thinking? Where is there evidence to that? What das Torah agrees with that?
discipline does not equal hitting.
When somebody thanks you for a favor you've done, respond "my pleasure", not "no problem".

Online Lou Bob

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #103 on: February 19, 2014, 04:24:27 PM »
discipline does not equal hitting.
but hitting is a form of disciplining
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Offline yehuda S

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Re: Do you hit your kids?
« Reply #104 on: February 19, 2014, 04:24:44 PM »
Did anyone here ever have a situation where a spouse acted in an upsetting or thoughtless way? Did you react by spanking him/her?

If so, were the results positive?
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