Author Topic: New Shidduch Idea (Read 70900 times)

SamKey · « **Reply #120 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:45:18 PM »

Quote from: Dan on March 04, 2014, 11:38:31 PM

I got it
But apparently in his circles that comes anyway

ALOL

chevron · « **Reply #121 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:47:15 PM »

Quote from: sky121 on March 04, 2014, 11:40:11 PM

Marrying a chabad guy is a bigger deal than marrying someone in their own communities. It means being part of a whole different community, having pretty different minhagin, almost a different culture, sending your kids to a completely different school etc. I'm not saying a girl can't but I hear why it's a bigger deal.

Years ago maybe, we are ashkenazi americans eating asian etc foods. lubav's go to by, litvak's go to lubav schools etc..

sky121 · « **Reply #122 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:49:27 PM »

Quote from: chevron on March 04, 2014, 11:47:15 PM

Years ago maybe, we are ashkenazi americans eating asian etc foods. lubav's go to by, litvak's go to lubav schools etc..

Maybe in certain cities/places more than others. I don't see that too much where I live personally. They tend to stay pretty seperate. Plus the changes would be a lot harder for the girl. Easier to talk when you get to keep doing what you're doing.

chevron · « **Reply #123 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:50:21 PM »

Quote from: Dan on March 04, 2014, 11:41:18 PM

Even more unfortunate are the plethora of couples who have kids 9 months to the day from their wedding and are divorced before a year is up.

Why we should not seek to address issues of singles if we have issues with marriages. In business we call this "slice youre overhead to address cashflow before buying more product"

sky121 · « **Reply #124 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:54:26 PM »

Quote from: chevron on March 04, 2014, 11:50:21 PM

Why we should not seek to address issues of singles if we have issues with marriages. In business we call this "slice youre overhead to address cashflow before buying more product"

That's like implying no one should get married because there's a chance of problems.

You sound pretty pessimistic about it all. And I can appreciate how that could happen to anyone really either from being raised in a certain house or from having friends having a hard time with marriage etc etc.
There are bad marriages. There are miserable people. Can't deny that.
There are also marriages that are good with just rough moments and hard times. And there are happy married people out there.

yehuda S · « **Reply #125 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:56:01 PM »

My theory about the whole shadchanim scene, and why every mishpacha type weekly magazine has 14 stories per week about dating couples is because it's 'kosher' romance.

Seriously why else would every other 35 year old married woman spends her time getting other people married? It's romance-by-proxy!

Dan · « **Reply #126 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:56:38 PM »

Quote from: chevron on March 04, 2014, 11:50:21 PM

Why we should not seek to address issues of singles if we have issues with marriages. In business we call this "slice youre overhead to address cashflow before buying more product"

There are easy solutions to the problem, they're just not publicized and require actually talking to your LOR.

chevron · « **Reply #127 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:56:59 PM »

Quote from: sky121 on March 04, 2014, 11:54:26 PM

That's like implying no one should get married because there's a chance of problems.

You sound pretty pessimistic about it all. And I can appreciate how that could happen to anyone really either from being raised in a certain house or from having friends having a hard time with marriage etc etc.
There are bad marriages. There are miserable people. Can't deny that.
There are also marriages that are good with just rough moments and hard times. And there are happy married people out there.

I have seen all the above that you describe. and i feel that the anguish, the heartbreak, is not worth just pushing people in to a factry production conveyer belt of marriage.

sky121 · « **Reply #128 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:58:28 PM »

Quote from: chevron on March 04, 2014, 11:56:59 PM

I have seen all the above that you describe. and i feel that the anguish, the heartbreak, is not worth just pushing people in to a factry production conveyer belt of marriage.

No one should be pushed into marriage. I agree with that.
And if at the end of the day you don't want to get married, don't. But just for yourself it would do you good to try to appreciate the good that can and does come from marriage for many people.

yehuda S · « **Reply #129 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:59:36 PM »

Quote from: chevron on March 04, 2014, 11:56:59 PM

I have seen all the above that you describe. and i feel that the anguish, the heartbreak, is not worth just pushing people in to a factry production conveyer belt of marriage.

Please do NOT take this as encouragement to get married, but studies consistently show that married people live longer, are happier, wealthier, and yes, have sex much more frequently than single people.

So as for your predictions of doom, well, it is just alarmism.

sky121 · « **Reply #130 on:** March 04, 2014, 11:59:38 PM »

If all 'older' guys are thinking like you no wonder we have a shidduch crisis.

yehuda S · « **Reply #131 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:01:05 AM »

Quote from: sky121 on March 04, 2014, 11:59:38 PM

If all 'older' guys are thinking like you no wonder we have a shidduch crisis.

It's not a crisis if they don't WANT to get married.

sky121 · « **Reply #132 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:02:34 AM »

Quote from: yehuda S on March 05, 2014, 12:01:05 AM

It's not a crisis if they don't WANT to get married.

It is for the girls.

chevron · « **Reply #133 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:15:39 AM »

Quote from: yehuda S on March 04, 2014, 11:59:36 PM

Please do NOT take this as encouragement to get married, but studies consistently show that married people live longer, are happier, wealthier, and yes, have sex much more frequently than single people.

So as for your predictions of doom, well, it is just alarmism.

why do women live longer ? plus most major gedolim surpassed their wives is a point to ponder

HP58 · « **Reply #134 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:16:45 AM »

Quote from: chevron on March 05, 2014, 12:15:39 AM

why do women live longer ? plus most major gedolim surpassed their wives is a point to ponder

chevron · « **Reply #135 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:23:30 AM »

Quote from: HP58 on March 05, 2014, 12:16:45 AM

The Lubavitcher rebbe, rav elyashiv, rav kanievsky, rav ovadia yosef,

sky121 · « **Reply #136 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:25:42 AM »

You guys are getting distracted here. No one's getting married here to have a longer life.

yehuda S · « **Reply #137 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:37:23 AM »

Quote from: chevron on March 05, 2014, 12:15:39 AM

why do women live longer ? plus most major gedolim surpassed their wives is a point to ponder

Can you elaborate? What exactly are you trying to say here?

chevron · « **Reply #138 on:** March 05, 2014, 12:42:05 AM »

Quote from: yehuda S on March 05, 2014, 12:37:23 AM

Can you elaborate? What exactly are you trying to say here?

Nothing, just pointing out a random thought. But it does feel this way, that overall women live longer and as far as major rabbanim they seem to outlive their wives

Saver2000 · « **Reply #139 on:** March 05, 2014, 01:11:07 AM »

@chevron
You started off saying that 25% of men "sit around". Now you're saying that you have absolutely no desire to get married, and put no effort into it right now.
Those statements contradict each other.

In any case, you have a very bitter outlook on marriage (for some unexplained reason), and therefore your statements are starting to fall in place.

But please dont confuse any of that with the shidduch crisis - which is what the conversation started with.

And Btw, regarding chabad marrying litvash, as others already have pointed out, it's a totally different lifestyle. Halchakly (minhagim) /hashkafickly/ culturely/etc.