Powerful presentation from Rav Shragi Kallus on the subject and how to respond to the "why do only my children need to die" question.
https://torahanytime.com/lectures/331144
I don't follow the logic.
The grudge is that some people are fighting for you and you're not helping out.
He's saying people in the past got killed because they were Jewish and they gave up their life to not bow down to the cross or the likes of that.
That's not what's happening here. Here people are volunteering to get killed for others. The examples given they didn't. They gave up their lives because they had to.