Visitations - Is It Healthy For The Kids?

[ilherman]

Appreciate if you share experiences/thoughts....

So here is goes... My brother got divorced a little more then a year ago, a few weeks after his wife/ex gave birth to their first child. He B'H got remarried a short while after that. B'H now he has the happiest marriage ever!!

Now, he really misses his child that he never really got to see, he want's to start asking to see the kid. But the question goes is it beneficial for the kid? I believe if this will result in a fight it's for sure not good for the kid, but even if the other side will decide not to fight, the question is, is its healthy for a two year old to see someone every week for a few hours? Will he even Chap that this is his father? Or is it better just to let it run... From the other side, maybe a kid has to know that he has a father, and you can't start asking for the kid what he is 8-9 years old?

Or is there a specific age when it's good to start asking for visitations?

Also, the family where he comes from, is a real dysfunctional family (which is the reason why he got divorced in the first place) so he is also worried for his child, he wants his child to see  what normal life is.

Thanks guys!!

[good sam]

I really don't think this is the right place. . .

[ilherman]

Why? I think almost every topic was already discussed here..

I wanna hear opinions for a simple question - is it beneficial for a two year old to go around for visitations, or will the kid get mixed up?

[Achas Veachas]

I can't pretend to know anything, but I can just imagine if someone would want to start visitations later in the kids life that it would breed a lot of resentment from the kid thinking "who is this guy? if he really loves me like he claims he does where was he until now?" etc.

[ilherman]

This is what a lot of people claim... But from the other side, starting visitations when the kid is still sooo young, wont that mix up the kid? Can a kid get to know his father just from seeing him once a week for a few hours?

[bhphotoman]

Based on experience and knowledge he should be visiting with the child every so often it's best for the child and for the father

[bhphotoman]

Pm me to discuss further

[sky121]

Other details aside how can it hurt for a kid to hang out with someone who loves him for a small time each week?


That' saying it's all done in a positive environment and way.

[MosheP]

What were his intentions when he divorced her?

Every parent has a right to see his/her child. They also have a right to joint custody, where they can be a co-parent.

Does he want to be a part of the kids life permanently as a stepdad and his wife as a stepmother?Or merely seeking to satisfy a selfish desire to see the kid he misses? Or even to "show" the kid a functioning lifestyle.

If the latter then I don't believe he has a right to get involved. Let him pray that god shows this poor child mercy. Let him pray that hie ex remarries a normal person who can be a good father to the kid.

IMHO if he left to move on with his life and leave everything behind, he has no right to go back if he isn't willing to be there 100%

[ilherman]

Other details aside how can it hurt for a kid to hang out with someone who loves him for a small time each week?


That' saying it's all done in a positive environment and way.

Maybe you're right..

Was just thinking if the kid won't feel different then others etc...

And the main concern is - if it's a fight, then you would probably agree that it's better off to let it go without any visitations.

[sky121]

Anyone who could really give a helpful answer would need to know the details and situation in depth IMHO.

Maybe take up the PM offer above.

[sky121]

Maybe you're right..

Was just thinking if the kid won't feel different then others etc...

And the main concern is - if it's a fight, then you would probably agree that it's better off to let it go without any visitations.

Of course the kid will feel different than others. He is different. That's his situation. Better to face it openly and positively if you can.

[churnbabychurn]

Might depend if the mother remarried or if the kid already has another healthy father figure.

[Achas Veachas]

Maybe you're right..

Was just thinking if the kid won't feel different then others etc...

And the main concern is - if it's a fight, then you would probably agree that it's better off to let it go without any visitations.

The kid is different already just by the fact that he doesn't live with his father, hanging out with him can only serve to show him that he does have a father who loves him and cares for him...

[sky121]

Might depend if the mother remarried or if the kid already has another healthy father figure.

And then what?
My divorced cousin used to have to hide when he picked up his kid(when they were 16) from school because they didn't want anyone to know their parents were divorced. Kids mother mother was remarried, to a great guy I may add. But it was just wrong and it came from not doing things correctly to begin with.

[ilherman]

What were his intentions when he divorced her?

Every parent has a right to see his/her child. They also have a right to joint custody, where they can be a co-parent.

Does he want to be a part of the kids life permanently as a stepdad and his wife as a stepmother?Or merely seeking to satisfy a selfish desire to see the kid he misses? Or even to "show" the kid a functioning lifestyle.

If the latter then I don't believe he has a right to get involved. Let him pray that god shows this poor child mercy. Let him pray that hie ex remarries a normal person who can be a good father to the kid.

IMHO if he left to move on with his life and leave everything behind, he has no right to go back if he isn't willing to be there 100%

B'H he didn't leave her, she left him. The only reason he didn't leave her was because of the child, then the other sides family made her leave - long story not to be discussed here. He is very happy that he was able to see him self out of that marriage and its not even his fault!

Now, he want's to be a real father and his wife a mother, he would even take in the kid permanently if he would only be able to. He know's the house where his kid is now, and he want's his kid to see what normal life is.

[ilherman]

And then what?
My divorced cousin used to have to hide when he picked up his kid(when they were 16) from school because they didn't want anyone to know their parents were divorced. Kids mother mother was remarried, to a great guy I may add. But it was just wrong and it came from not doing things correctly to begin with.

What do you mean by saying not doing things correctly?

She is still divorced. Would it be better or worse if she is remarried?

People claim that he should wait until she remarries, so then it won't be a fight.

[sky121]

What do you mean by saying not doing things correctly?

She is still divorced. Would it be better or worse if she is remarried?

People claim that he should wait until she remarries, so then it won't be a fight.

I was just saying it matters not if there is another father figure in the kids life or not.  It shouldn't.

And again it depends on the details and the relationship. Will she not be ok with it because she's not married yet?

That all depends on details and how their divorce was and how they are with each other. No one can answer that for you.
If it were my kid I'd definitely make the effort to be part of his life always. Yes sometimes for whatever reason the answer may be to back off.

[ilherman]

So if everything can go smooth, I understand you guys don't see why not.

Thanks for your responses.

[CountValentine]

Every child has right to know who their parents are. End of story.