Stuff Your Kid Tells You

[bestwatchman]

[9:05 PM, 12/15/2016]  Just got this message from zalmans teacher- BH it never happened                        
[9:05 PM, 12/15/2016]  I hear your car was in an accident. Glad everybody is ok!! Z had a good day today                       
[9:06 PM, 12/15/2016]  (Don't want to burst her bubble tho-Last week she told me she heard we moved homes 😂                       

[zh cohen]

[9:05 PM, 12/15/2016]  Just got this message from zalmans teacher- BH it never happened                        
[9:05 PM, 12/15/2016]  I hear your car was in an accident. Glad everybody is ok!! Z had a good day today                       
[9:06 PM, 12/15/2016]  (Don't want to burst her bubble tho-Last week she told me she heard we moved homes 😂                       

Was there actually an accident that you didn't tell your wife about? ;-P

[sky121]

Was there actually an accident that you didn't tell your wife about? ;-P

Or that your wife forgot to mention?

[grodnoking]

Was there actually an accident that you didn't tell your wife about? ;-P

There was a mechanic advertising in Lakewood that he would "fix the car before you husband got home from seder".

[12HRS]

There was a mechanic advertising in Lakewood that he would "fix the car before you husband got home from seder".

imagine the shalom bayis + talmud torah reward this mechanic gets in shamayim

[whYME]

My niece and nephews:

7yo: "3yo, do you know why Hashem made the yetzer horah? He made it to test us...”
9yo: "7yo, he is waaaay too young for this. He doesn’t understand."
3yo: "I like red silly putty."

[Amusch]

Got a new SPG Biz with my wife's name as the business. So I told her from now on, only use the card that has her name on it twice (once for the user name and once for the business).

6 yo son: Why does it say Mommy's name twice?
Me: Because we love her
Wife: Like when it says Moshe Moshe.
6 yo son: That's what it said on Moshe's credit card?

[aygart]

There is a house under construction behind us.
3yo: the workermans don't have a mommy right mommy?
DW: why do you say that?
3yo: their mommy wouldn't let them climb up on the roof

[mmgfarb]

There is a house under construction behind us.
3yo: the workermans don't have a mommy right mommy?
DW: why do you say that?
3yo: their mommy wouldn't let them climb up on the roof

That's gold

[srap]

There is a house under construction behind us.
3yo: the workermans don't have a mommy right mommy?
DW: why do you say that?
3yo: their mommy wouldn't let them climb up on the roof

Excellent logician there!

[6girls]

5 yo daughter: the Aibershter is VERY fat
Me: what makes you say that??
5yo: has to be, He's ALL over

[Dan]

Are you smarter than my 1st grader
Yes @ExGingi, regular english.

[skyguy918]

5 yo daughter: the Aibershter is VERY fat
Me: what makes you say that??
5yo: has to be, He's ALL over

This is the sincere version of the 'yo mamma's so fat she sits around the house' joke.

[aygart]

Excellent logician there!

I try to teach them young

[jj1000]

I try to teach them young

Let me know when they are on DDF, so we can look out for them.

[davidrotts63]

Let me know what their handles on DDF are, so we can look out for them.

FTFY

[aygart]

Let me know when they are on DDF, so we can look out for them.

You should be able to figure it out on your own.

[ChaimMoskowitz]

You should be able to figure it out on your own.

Just tell them to answer questions then no one will ever know they are yours. 

[aygart]

Just tell them to answer questions then no one will ever know they are yours. 

I should hire they don't bother with irrelevant questions whose only purpose is to confuse

[TimT]

Easy to tell. They’ll be the ones disagreeing with/correcting CM2 all the time.