Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article

[Mordyk]

My point exactly. In my opinion most girls (and definitely guys) at 19 today are not ready for marriage. I can't speak for past generations, but I don't believe that 19 is emotionally mature enough to start a family in this generation. (not that it can't be done. It could be done, but there will likely be resentment).

isn't this whole article about the point that the girls want to marry by 19 and not by 24?

forget about the point of being ready, they still want to marry then rather than later.

[Drago]

My point exactly. In my opinion most girls (and definitely guys) at 19 today are not ready for marriage. I can't speak for past generations, but I don't believe that 19 is emotionally mature enough to start a family in this generation. (not that it can't be done. It could be done, but there will likely be resentment).

Agreed.
Many of them (and us males are included in this) don't have nearly the same responsibility that we would have had two hundred years ago. We live a much more sheltered luxurious life than at any point in our history.

isn't this whole article about the point that the girls want to marry by 19 and not by 24?

forget about the point of being ready, they still want to marry then rather than later.

The article implied that this was the case b/c they were afraid that if they missed this early window, then they'd have limited future marriage options. It didn't say that they want to marry at this age b/c it was an ideal age to marry at.

[Mordyk]

Agreed.
Many of them (and us males are included in this) don't have nearly the same responsibility that we would have had two hundred years ago. We live a much more sheltered luxurious life than at any point in our history.

do you speak from experience? because i can attest that your point is totally false.  depends in each individual scenario. many people at 28 are also not ready to get married.

[zale]

do you speak from experience? because i can attest that your point is totally false.  depends in each individual scenario. many people at 28 are also not ready to get married.

Which part is totally false?

Do girls today feather and salt chickens Erev Shabbos by age 13? Do they wash laundry by hand in the backyard? Do they fetch water from the well? Do they sew garments to help earn a few rubles?

Forget age 13. How about at NINETEEN going away to a seminary and having all their food fully catered and all their laundry done on their behalf?

I believe it is pretty factual that girls today (and guys) are more sheltered and spoiled. There's no argument here.

[Mordyk]

Which part is totally false?

Do girls today feather and salt chickens Erev Shabbos by age 13? Do they wash laundry by hand in the backyard? Do they fetch water from the well? Do they sew garments to help earn a few rubles?

Forget age 13. How about at NINETEEN going away to a seminary and having all their food fully catered and all their laundry done on their behalf?

I believe it is pretty factual that girls today (and guys) are more sheltered and spoiled. There's no argument here.

we are talking not  being responsible to care for a home at 19. that is false

[Drago]

do you speak from experience? because i can attest that your point is totally false.  depends in each individual scenario. many people at 28 are also not ready to get married.

I don't disagree that many 28 year olds aren't ready. It's the root of the phenomena in which 30 year olds still live at their parents house.

But it doesn't negate the fact that 19 years olds today are much less prepared for life and responsibilities than they were in the past.

@Zale,
+1

[Mordyk]

I don't disagree that many 28 year olds aren't ready. It's the root of the phenomena in which 30 year olds still live at their parents house.

But it doesn't negate the fact that 19 years olds today are much less prepared for life and responsibilities than they were in the past.

@Zale,
+1

well check the statistics of our circles. chasidish or not, there are many many 19 year old's caring perfectly for their husband and their home

[zale]

well check the statistics of our circles. chasidish or not, there are many many 19 year old's caring perfectly for their husband and their home

Where can I check those statistics? Has there been a Reuters or Pew poll taken recently? Have they asked those women how satisfied they are with their marriage?

For the record, not getting divorced does not mean a "happy marriage".

[Mordyk]

Where can I check those statistics? Has there been a Reuters or Pew poll taken recently? Have they asked those women how satisfied they are with their marriage?

For the record, not getting divorced does not mean a "happy marriage".

first of all i must change that it is not a formal statistic(you got me there ), and second of all, yes they have a happy marriage. if most chasidish people get married around that age you want to say that most want a divorce and are not happy?

[Yitz]

Where can I check those statistics? Has there been a Reuters or Pew poll taken recently? Have they asked those women how satisfied they are with their marriage?

For the record, not getting divorced does not mean a "happy marriage".

I heard from a rov who helps with sholom Bayis that at least 65% of marriages need help (mentoring)

[Mordyk]

I heard from a rov who helps with sholom Bayis that at least 65% of marriages need help (mentoring)

is that because of age?

[shidduch]

I read the article and while I have nothing but respect for Mr Rechnitz, I think the "age" issue is just one symptom of a much greater illness not a cause.

As an aside, I think I am somewhat qualified to comment on this as I have been a shadchan for many years. 

The issue is not due to the age gap.  it is due to misplaced priorities.  While there is probably a higher percentage of single girls these days then there was in the alter heim, it is mainly societies fault for stressing all the unimportant things.  While I dont want to minimize the pain and suffering of many of the single people out there, much of is due to their own unrealistic expectations. 

After the holocaust, people just married the first Jewish person that they could find pretty much.  No one had money and people were just happy to find someone who was Jewish and alive. 

Today, the focus is on all the wrong things: money, looks, age, status, etc. 

As a result of this misplaced focus, many people are suffering because either they are being constantly rejected or they are rejecting people for all the wrong reasons. 

I see it all the time.  I get a fat shlubby 50 something year old who has never been married who wants to marry a girl of child bearing age. 
I have one question.  If you couldnt get a girl when you were 35 what on G-ds earth makes you think you will get a 35 year old now. 

People need to stop focusing on stupid details and just look for the 3 traits that the gemara says.  Rachmanus, Bayshanus and Gmilas Chesed.  Of course looks are nice, but they should not be to the exclusion of everything else. 

Further, the reason we have so much divorce today is a result of this me first attititude.

[Yitz]

is that because of age?

I do not think it is because of age.

[shidduch]

I would love to continue ranting but I could be typing till tomorrow. 

[Yitz]

I read the article and while I have nothing but respect for Mr Rechnitz, I think the "age" issue is just one symptom of a much greater illness not a cause.

As an aside, I think I am somewhat qualified to comment on this as I have been a shadchan for many years. 

The issue is not due to the age gap.  it is due to misplaced priorities.  While there is probably a higher percentage of single girls these days then there was in the alter heim, it is mainly societies fault for stressing all the unimportant things.  While I dont want to minimize the pain and suffering of many of the single people out there, much of is due to their own unrealistic expectations. 

After the holocaust, people just married the first Jewish person that they could find pretty much.  No one had money and people were just happy to find someone who was Jewish and alive. 

Today, the focus is on all the wrong things: money, looks, age, status, etc. 

As a result of this misplaced focus, many people are suffering because either they are being constantly rejected or they are rejecting people for all the wrong reasons. 

I see it all the time.  I get a fat shlubby 50 something year old who has never been married who wants to marry a girl of child bearing age. 
I have one question.  If you couldnt get a girl when you were 35 what on G-ds earth makes you think you will get a 35 year old now. 

People need to stop focusing on stupid details and just look for the 3 traits that the gemara says.  Rachmanus, Bayshanus and Gmilas Chesed.  Of course looks are nice, but they should not be to the exclusion of everything else. 

Further, the reason we have so much divorce today is a result of this me first attititude.

+1

[Mordyk]

I read the article and while I have nothing but respect for Mr Rechnitz, I think the "age" issue is just one symptom of a much greater illness not a cause.

As an aside, I think I am somewhat qualified to comment on this as I have been a shadchan for many years. 

The issue is not due to the age gap. it is due to misplaced priorities.  While there is probably a higher percentage of single girls these days then there was in the alter heim, it is mainly societies fault for stressing all the unimportant things.  While I dont want to minimize the pain and suffering of many of the single people out there, much of is due to their own unrealistic expectations. 

After the holocaust, people just married the first Jewish person that they could find pretty much.  No one had money and people were just happy to find someone who was Jewish and alive. 

Today, the focus is on all the wrong things: money, looks, age, status, etc. 

As a result of this misplaced focus, many people are suffering because either they are being constantly rejected or they are rejecting people for all the wrong reasons. 

I see it all the time.  I get a fat shlubby 50 something year old who has never been married who wants to marry a girl of child bearing age. 
I have one question.  If you couldnt get a girl when you were 35 what on G-ds earth makes you think you will get a 35 year old now. 

People need to stop focusing on stupid details and just look for the 3 traits that the gemara says.  Rachmanus, Bayshanus and Gmilas Chesed.  Of course looks are nice, but they should not be to the exclusion of everything else. 

Further, the reason we have so much divorce today is a result of this me first attititude.

+1  best point made on this thread, sums it all up!

[sky121]

+1  best point made on this thread, sums it all up!

+1

What happened to wanting a nice guy/girl with good middos, ahavas Hashem, ahavas yisroel who are looking to build a happy healthy house and take care of their families?

[Ygold]

Whoa! What happened here?! All I asked was, if anyone read Mr. Rechintzes article??

[Drago]

is that because of age?

Age contributes to immaturity, which leads to a number of issues. It's the root cause for a lot of symptoms.

@Shidduch, good post

[Drago]

Whoa! What happened here?! All I asked was, if anyone read Mr. Rechintzes article??

What article?