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Is there a Shidduch Crisis?

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Author Topic: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article  (Read 67499 times)

Offline shidduch

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #300 on: August 19, 2014, 10:41:07 AM »
I agree that a man should be attracted to a woman.  But I get many guys who are asking me for a girl that looks like {insert name of famous model} when they look like nothing special.  While you must be attracted to a woman, you must set your standard to a reasonable level.  If you weigh 500 pounds dont ask to be set up with a skinny model.

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #301 on: August 19, 2014, 11:02:13 AM »
But I get many guys who are asking me for a girl that looks like {insert name of famous model} when they look like nothing special. 
How many famous models are married to guys that look special?
״וזה כלל גדול: שישנא אדם כל דבר שקר. וכל מה שיוסיף שנאה לדרכי השקר – יוסיף אהבה לתורה.״ - אורחות צדיקים

Offline shidduch

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #302 on: August 19, 2014, 11:21:20 AM »
yes, but those guys have very special wallets  :P .  Also, we should not be comparing ourselves to the umos haolam.

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #303 on: August 19, 2014, 11:34:58 AM »
yes, but those guys have very special wallets  :P
Right, so you agree it has nothing to do with the guys looks

Also, we should not be comparing ourselves to the umos haolam.
Sigh
״וזה כלל גדול: שישנא אדם כל דבר שקר. וכל מה שיוסיף שנאה לדרכי השקר – יוסיף אהבה לתורה.״ - אורחות צדיקים

Offline shidduch

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #304 on: August 19, 2014, 11:37:46 AM »
Yes, but it has to do with other characteristics like money that attract people.

I have seen guys with no money, no looks, overweight, not much prospects who are asking for girls who are way out of their league.

Offline Abet rich

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #305 on: August 19, 2014, 12:14:21 PM »
Yes, but it has to do with other characteristics like money that attract people.

I have seen guys with no money, no looks, overweight, not much prospects who are asking for girls who are way out of their league.
People try living in denial and don't recognize who they really are.
Contact me at abereich19@gmail.com for all help and info.

Offline zale

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #306 on: August 19, 2014, 12:14:34 PM »
I agree that a man should be attracted to a woman.  But I get many guys who are asking me for a girl that looks like {insert name of famous model} when they look like nothing special.  While you must be attracted to a woman, you must set your standard to a reasonable level.  If you weigh 500 pounds dont ask to be set up with a skinny model.

I agree with you in that particular case, but we both know that this is not the majority, and definitely not the reason for the alleged "crisis".

Most guys want a girl who is pretty and good natured. Apparently that is too much to ask for nowadays.


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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #307 on: August 19, 2014, 12:47:58 PM »

People try living in denial and don't recognize who they really are.
Ah. So you're saying that G-d groups people into "leagues" based on the amount of mazal in looks and wealth that He grants them? I find it hard to believe that when the Malochim call out potential zivugim, HaShem turns to em and says "c'mon, she's gonna be WAY out of his league, what are you thinking?? I plan on having her born to a CEO and this guy's fathers a Rebbe! How can he possibly expect to marry her??

It's one thing to be moitzei laaz on bochur for focusing on less important (though important to an extent) attributes of a girl, but to say that he isn't "entitled" to look for certain qualities because he himself wasn't blessed with certain G-d given qualities is absurd.


Offline Baruch

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #308 on: August 19, 2014, 01:16:21 PM »
Ah. So you're saying that G-d groups people into "leagues" based on the amount of mazal in looks and wealth that He grants them? I find it hard to believe that when the Malochim call out potential zivugim, HaShem turns to em and says "c'mon, she's gonna be WAY out of his league, what are you thinking?? I plan on having her born to a CEO and this guy's fathers a Rebbe! How can he possibly expect to marry her??

It's one thing to be moitzei laaz on bochur for focusing on less important (though important to an extent) attributes of a girl, but to say that he isn't "entitled" to look for certain qualities because he himself wasn't blessed with certain G-d given qualities is absurd.
It's not absurd - it's practical.
It is absurd for someone with 10k in the bank, to go into a Lexus dealership to buy a car. He can sit there for 50 yrs. he will never buy a car.

Rav Pinchas Scheinberg famously told a bachur who said after a date that he found the girl attractive but he wanted a real beauty, - "You realize you're no Humphrey Bogart yourself?".

Offline Drago

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #309 on: August 19, 2014, 01:41:41 PM »
Love it.   He certainly had a way with words

Offline Crazy tools

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #310 on: August 19, 2014, 01:48:36 PM »
I heard in the name of a Rosh Yeshiva. "before you say what your looking for, take a good long look in the mirror"

Offline Abet rich

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #311 on: August 19, 2014, 01:54:24 PM »
Ah. So you're saying that G-d groups people into "leagues" based on the amount of mazal in looks and wealth that He grants them? I find it hard to believe that when the Malochim call out potential zivugim, HaShem turns to em and says "c'mon, she's gonna be WAY out of his league, what are you thinking?? I plan on having her born to a CEO and this guy's fathers a Rebbe! How can he possibly expect to marry her??

It's one thing to be moitzei laaz on bochur for focusing on less important (though important to an extent) attributes of a girl, but to say that he isn't "entitled" to look for certain qualities because he himself wasn't blessed with certain G-d given qualities is absurd.
True that G-D is the master shadchan but people have to do Hishtadlus and be realistic and not bark up the wrong tree. It probably wont get you very far if you have nothing going for you and all you are looking for is the daughter of a multi-billion dollar CEO who is less than a size 2 and just drop dead gorgeous. You have to know where you are holding and broaden your playing field to people who are somewhat near your league.
Contact me at abereich19@gmail.com for all help and info.

Offline Abet rich

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #312 on: August 19, 2014, 01:55:18 PM »
I heard in the name of a Rosh Yeshiva. "before you say what your looking for, take a good long look in the mirror"
Im happy I have a Rosh Yeshiva seconding my words.
Contact me at abereich19@gmail.com for all help and info.

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #313 on: August 19, 2014, 02:03:27 PM »
Ah. So you're saying that G-d groups people into "leagues"
No, he said the people group other people into leagues
״וזה כלל גדול: שישנא אדם כל דבר שקר. וכל מה שיוסיף שנאה לדרכי השקר – יוסיף אהבה לתורה.״ - אורחות צדיקים

Offline PutANameToIt

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #314 on: August 19, 2014, 03:07:50 PM »

No, he said the people group other people into leagues
Confused as to which side you're taking :-)

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #315 on: August 19, 2014, 03:11:56 PM »
Confused as to which side you're taking :-)
My Side!!
Contact me at abereich19@gmail.com for all help and info.

Offline PutANameToIt

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Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #316 on: August 19, 2014, 03:35:10 PM »
True that G-D is the master shadchan but people have to do Hishtadlus and be realistic and not bark up the wrong tree. It probably wont get you very far if you have nothing going for you and all you are looking for is the daughter of a multi-billion dollar CEO who is less than a size 2 and just drop dead gorgeous. You have to know where you are holding and broaden your playing field to people who are somewhat near your league.
Hishtadlus is a personal cheshbon, it can never be used on a scale larger than that. In terms of being "realistic," again, everybody has their own cheshbon, which is completely personal and can't be figured out nor judged (if ever) by someone else, let alone on a large scale. But again, the point is that there are no "leagues" when it comes to the less important qualities like looks and wealth. If people feel more entitled because they've been blessed with those qualities, that is their prerogative and takes some serious cheshbon as to whether or not they have the proper negiyus.

You're 100% correct that people must know where they are holding, but knowing where they are holding means in the important aspects in life. If they're specifically looking for wealth and looks to the exclusion of the much more important qualities in life,they are way off hashkafically. Those type of issues aren't causing girls not to get married, require their own forum to address and are rooted in much deeper issues.

However, to say that a bochur who isn't good looking and doesn't come from any particular wealth can't be looking for someone he's attracted to, and has the means to support his serious learning lifestyle isn't fair. Once he's made a real cheshbon hanefesh to decide what he's looking for, he can come to the conclusion that these are the qualities, among others, that his zivug will have.

Offline shidduch

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #317 on: August 19, 2014, 04:48:04 PM »
I think the idea that people should be supported in learning is part of the problem.  In the alter heim, there were very few people who learned full time with no parnassah.  In the gemara every amora had a job. 

This model of a kollel society is not sustainable and I think that is part of the underlying shidduch "crisis".

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #318 on: August 19, 2014, 04:54:02 PM »
I think the idea that people should be supported in learning is part of the problem.  In the alter heim, there were very few people who learned full time with no parnassah.  In the gemara every amora had a job. 

This model of a kollel society is not sustainable and I think that is part of the underlying shidduch "crisis".
i guess i know your opinion on the adopt-a-kollel program ;)
#TYH

Offline churnbabychurn

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Re: Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz Article
« Reply #319 on: August 19, 2014, 04:56:35 PM »
I think the idea that people should be supported in learning is part of the problem.  In the alter heim, there were very few people who learned full time with no parnassah.  In the gemara every amora had a job. 

This model of a kollel society is not sustainable and I think that is part of the underlying shidduch "crisis".
In the " alter heim" most of klall Yisroel were serious amei haaretz, many many kids of the d etc etc. Not good stuff at all.