True that G-D is the master shadchan but people have to do Hishtadlus and be realistic and not bark up the wrong tree. It probably wont get you very far if you have nothing going for you and all you are looking for is the daughter of a multi-billion dollar CEO who is less than a size 2 and just drop dead gorgeous. You have to know where you are holding and broaden your playing field to people who are somewhat near your league.
Hishtadlus is a personal cheshbon, it can never be used on a scale larger than that. In terms of being "realistic," again, everybody has their own cheshbon, which is completely personal and can't be figured out nor judged (if ever) by someone else, let alone on a large scale. But again, the point is that there are no "leagues" when it comes to the less important qualities like looks and wealth. If people feel more entitled because they've been blessed with those qualities, that is their prerogative and takes some serious cheshbon as to whether or not they have the proper negiyus.
You're 100% correct that people must know where they are holding, but knowing where they are holding means in the important aspects in life. If they're specifically looking for wealth and looks to the exclusion of the much more important qualities in life,they are way off hashkafically. Those type of issues aren't causing girls not to get married, require their own forum to address and are rooted in much deeper issues.
However, to say that a bochur who isn't good looking and doesn't come from any particular wealth can't be looking for someone he's attracted to, and has the means to support his serious learning lifestyle isn't fair. Once he's made a real cheshbon hanefesh to decide what he's looking for, he can come to the conclusion that these are the qualities, among others, that his zivug will have.