Author Topic: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide  (Read 18940 times)

Offline ckmk47

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Aug 2012
  • Posts: 6880
  • Total likes: 436
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
  • Location: brooklyn
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #200 on: February 25, 2018, 04:18:25 PM »
A thought on building self esteem.
Some people think that praising everything their child does will build his self esteem. Not so. 'Over the top' praise is understood by the recipient as being false.
Praise their efforts and their actual accomplishments. Not "You were the best player on the team."  More like: "You had some great plays. I saw you trying to block the other guy, too bad he got around you." and "That time you fed the ball to the main shooter, really helped your team score."
Another big thing is creating  ways for a person to accomplish something worthwhile. 
Give a child a steady chore that is within his capability. Even a young child can be responsible to takeout the garbage daily. Prompt him to start, and remind him if necessary, but it should be his job, not yours. Increase responsibilities with age.
Thanks and praise for a job well done, does a lot more than empty 'also ran' trophies.

Offline davidrotts63

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: May 2017
  • Posts: 7220
  • Total likes: 896
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 26
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: Hertz Gold, Hyatt Member, BA Blue, Ebay banned, Amazon Prime
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #201 on: February 25, 2018, 04:21:32 PM »
A thought on building self esteem.
Some people think that praising everything their child does will build his self esteem. Not so. 'Over the top' praise is understood by the recipient as being false.
Praise their efforts and their actual accomplishments. Not "You were the best player on the team."  More like: "You had some great plays. I saw you trying to block the other guy, too bad he got around you." and "That time you fed the ball to the main shooter, really helped your team score."
Another big thing is creating  ways for a person to accomplish something worthwhile. 
Give a child a steady chore that is within his capability. Even a young child can be responsible to takeout the garbage daily. Prompt him to start, and remind him if necessary, but it should be his job, not yours. Increase responsibilities with age.
Thanks and praise for a job well done, does a lot more than empty 'also ran' trophies.
+1
(Quit) pulling out the flowers, and watering the weeds. -Peter Lynch

Offline ChaimMoskowitz

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2014
  • Posts: 6672
  • Total likes: 1086
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #202 on: February 25, 2018, 05:20:02 PM »
A thought on building self esteem.
Some people think that praising everything their child does will build his self esteem. Not so. 'Over the top' praise is understood by the recipient as being false.
Praise their efforts and their actual accomplishments. Not "You were the best player on the team."  More like: "You had some great plays. I saw you trying to block the other guy, too bad he got around you." and "That time you fed the ball to the main shooter, really helped your team score."
Another big thing is creating  ways for a person to accomplish something worthwhile. 
Give a child a steady chore that is within his capability. Even a young child can be responsible to takeout the garbage daily. Prompt him to start, and remind him if necessary, but it should be his job, not yours. Increase responsibilities with age.
Thanks and praise for a job well done, does a lot more than empty 'also ran' trophies.
+1
All children can be put in situations were they succeed. No need to give false praise.
I just found a new supply of forks!

Offline Pschafler

  • Non-Elite Member
  • Join Date: Mar 2018
  • Posts: 0
  • Total likes: 0
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #203 on: March 05, 2018, 06:23:01 AM »
Without attributing cause or blame, yeshiva administrators, registrars, financial aid committees etc. should understand it is a terrible injury and crime against a Jewish child to close the door to a Jewish child, lock a child out of school and send them home due to an administrative issue related to the parents but unrelated to the child, unless the child presents a safety risk to other children or in response to a state mandate such as immunization. It is a terrible, terrible thing. Children cannot be humiliated rejected and wounded to get their parents to comply. בנים לא יומתו על אבות.  Even if a child survives and does not show the pain, the memory and the wound lives on for life.

Offline 12HRS

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2013
  • Posts: 5095
  • Total likes: 496
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 6
    • View Profile
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #204 on: March 05, 2018, 08:33:37 AM »
Agreed. Now what happens when the parents know that a yeshiva will never send a kid home and never pay their tuition bill? What should a yeshiva do?

Offline zh cohen

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 1079
  • Total likes: 854
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: Brooklyn
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #205 on: March 05, 2018, 11:30:28 AM »
Agreed. Now what happens when the parents know that a yeshiva will never send a kid home and never pay their tuition bill? What should a yeshiva do?

Fundraise

Offline TimT

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 20K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 20202
  • Total likes: 3416
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 12
    • View Profile
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #206 on: March 05, 2018, 12:21:54 PM »
Fundraise
Iím gonna stop paying tuition. Whatís your address ? Iíll send the fundraisers to you to sponsor my kids.

Offline MrKaplan

  • Dansdeals Platinum Elite
  • ****
  • Join Date: Jan 2017
  • Posts: 329
  • Total likes: 27
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
  • Location: DDF
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #207 on: March 05, 2018, 12:47:36 PM »
Iím gonna stop paying tuition. Whatís your address ? Iíll send the fundraisers to you to sponsor my kids.
There's a difference between can't pay and doesn't want to pay.

Offline aygart

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 13049
  • Total likes: 7699
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 11
    • View Profile
    • Lower Watt Energy Brokers
  • Programs: www.lowerwatt.com
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #208 on: March 05, 2018, 12:57:42 PM »
There's a difference between can't pay and doesn't want to pay.
What is that and how can you tell and enforce this difference?
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline Sport

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 2322
  • Total likes: 88
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #209 on: March 05, 2018, 12:59:31 PM »
What is that and how can you tell and enforce this difference?
Simple. I cant, the other person doesnt want to.

Offline TimT

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 20K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 20202
  • Total likes: 3416
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 12
    • View Profile
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #210 on: March 05, 2018, 01:12:29 PM »
Simple. I cant, the other person doesnt want to.
Or the other person cant & you donít want to.

Offline MrKaplan

  • Dansdeals Platinum Elite
  • ****
  • Join Date: Jan 2017
  • Posts: 329
  • Total likes: 27
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
  • Location: DDF
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #211 on: March 05, 2018, 01:16:27 PM »
What is that and how can you tell and enforce this difference?
The difference is one has the financial resources the other doesn't. If a school has to fundraise to put a child thru school then the onus is on the parent to prove they are unable to pay. As an aside I think most people are looking to do the right and proper thing and in hindsight of this tragedy I don't think anyone would've  hesitated to donate if it would have a made a difference in the outcome of this story.

Offline davidrotts63

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: May 2017
  • Posts: 7220
  • Total likes: 896
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 26
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: Hertz Gold, Hyatt Member, BA Blue, Ebay banned, Amazon Prime
Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #212 on: July 10, 2018, 08:55:26 PM »
reports of another such story. no idea of any details.
(Quit) pulling out the flowers, and watering the weeds. -Peter Lynch