Author Topic: joke for sheva brachot (Read 114432 times)

S209 · « **Reply #100 on:** August 14, 2019, 04:38:02 PM »

Vaeschanan, anyone?

Yonah · « **Reply #101 on:** August 16, 2019, 12:32:21 PM »

" It says that we are each born with a half a neshama, and then when we get married, both half-souls unite into one unit. So the wife when she gets married becomes complete, and the husband when he gets married is finished."

TimT · « **Reply #102 on:** August 16, 2019, 12:52:51 PM »

It’s been well established that the wife is always right while the husband is always wrong. So when a man tells his wife “you’re right” is he right or wrong ?

moish · « **Reply #103 on:** January 12, 2022, 06:35:49 PM »

Any fresh jokes?

VacationLover · « **Reply #104 on:** January 12, 2022, 07:16:46 PM »

Quote from: moish on January 12, 2022, 06:35:49 PM

Any fresh jokes?

Its fresh to me,
1) marriage is a workshop, husband works and wife shops.
2) הדרכה to be focused. Once a newly wed wife came to the doctor with 2 burnt ears.
Dr: what happened?
Wife: i was ironing and was not focusing when the phone rang and by mistake I picked up the iron and burned my ear.
Dr: and the other ear?
Wife: I immediately attempted to call Hatzolah.

yos9694 · « **Reply #105 on:** January 12, 2022, 07:29:27 PM »

A panel of spiritual leaders was asked to weigh in on when life begins.

Life begins at conception, said the priest

No, life begins at birth, said the guru

The Rabbi shook his head and said, life begins when the kids move out!

YitzyS · « **Reply #106 on:** January 12, 2022, 07:47:09 PM »

Quote from: yos9694 on January 12, 2022, 07:29:27 PM

A panel of spiritual leaders was asked to weigh in on when life begins.

Life begins at conception, said the priest

No, life begins at birth, said the guru

The Rabbi shook his head and said, "I don't know when life begins, but I'm quiet sure it ends at marriage."

Alternatively

YitzyS · « **Reply #107 on:** January 12, 2022, 07:49:38 PM »

Can also be posted here...

Quote from: ExGingi on January 10, 2022, 12:07:03 PM

Reminds me of an old joke about a patient complaining to the Dr. who told him to treat an injury with warm compress. He did that for a while and it didn't help. One day his maid sees him applying a warm compress to the injury and asked him what he's doing. When he explained, the maid said he got it all wrong, and needs to treat it with a cold compress. He tried that, and in one day he was feeling all better. Angrily he goes again to the Dr. and says "why did you tell me to treat it with warm compress? I did that for a week and it didn't help, and then my maid told me to use cold compress and in a day it was all better!" to which the Dr. responded "I'm sorry, my maid said warm compress".

Quote from: YitzyS on January 10, 2022, 12:24:44 PM

Alternatively: "You're married? Okay, warm compress" Week later, the guy comes in healed. "I tried a warm compress by my wife insisted that I do cold, and it worked." "Yup, that's why I asked if you are married. Wife always thinks she knows better than the doctor."

Something Fishy · « **Reply #108 on:** January 12, 2022, 09:19:01 PM »

The secret to a great marriage is to never go to bed angry with each other. Rather stay up and fight all night.

~King Lake~ · « **Reply #109 on:** January 13, 2022, 04:51:12 PM »

Quote from: VacationLover on January 12, 2022, 07:16:46 PM

2) הדרכה to be focused. Once a newly wed wife came to the doctor with 2 burnt ears.
Dr: what happened?
Wife: i was ironing and was not focusing when the phone rang and by mistake I picked up the iron and burned my ear.
Dr: and the other ear?
Wife: I tried calling back.

Heard it in this version

S209 · « **Reply #110 on:** January 13, 2022, 05:24:21 PM »

Quote from: VacationLover on January 12, 2022, 07:16:46 PM

Once a newly wed wife came to the doctor with 2 burnt ears.
Dr: what happened?
Wife: i was ironing and was not focusing when the phone rang and by mistake I picked up the iron and burned my ear.
Dr: and the other ear?
Wife: The idiot called again!

FTFY, once we’re doing versions.