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Author Topic: joke for sheva brachot  (Read 114392 times)

Offline chuchem

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joke for sheva brachot
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:34:45 PM »
I will be making sheva broches for a couple soon. I will need to say a few words. Can someone help me with a good opening joke please. It should have to do with marriage, jewish, inlaws, sheva broches. Something decent, that everyone thinks is funny.

Thanks
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Offline YOSEF

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2011, 09:11:25 PM »
Q: What's the difference between sheva brachos speeches and gehenom?

A: one makes you wish you were alive, the other makes you wish you were dead.

(More appropriate for shabbos sheva brachos or aufrufs, but it should work anyway.)
« Last Edit: February 06, 2011, 09:16:40 PM by YOSEF »
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Offline danielz

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2011, 09:11:40 PM »
The gemara in kesubos, 16b says "keitzad merakdim lifnei hakalla, beis shammai omrim, 'kalla k'muves'".
http://hebrewbooks.org/shas.aspx?mesechta=15&daf=16b&format=pdf last line.
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Offline Yordai Dooma

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2011, 09:24:46 PM »
Quote from: danielz on February 06, 2011, 09:11:40 PM
The gemara in kesubos, 16b says "keitzad merakdim lifnei hakalla, beis shammai omrim, 'kalla k'muves'".
http://hebrewbooks.org/shas.aspx?mesechta=15&daf=16b&format=pdf last line.
Oh my! Why didnt someone say that at my sheva brachos?!?!?
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Offline danielz

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2011, 09:29:16 PM »
I said it at my brother's sheva brachos. the famous one
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Offline Yordai Dooma

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2011, 09:30:05 PM »
Quote from: danielz on February 06, 2011, 09:29:16 PM
I said it at my brother's sheva brachos. the famous one

What kind of reaction did you get from the crowd?
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Offline danielz

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2011, 09:31:37 PM »
the learned ones liked it.
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Offline Avid Reader

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2011, 10:03:06 PM »
Quote from: chuchem on February 06, 2011, 08:34:45 PM
I will be making sheva broches for a couple soon. I will need to say a few words. Can someone help me with a good opening joke please. It should have to do with marriage, jewish, inlaws, sheva broches. Something decent, that everyone thinks is funny.

Thanks

Badchen Yankel miller has a bunch of these. Did you hear his (Yiddish) tape?
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Offline YOSEF

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2011, 10:35:08 PM »
Quote from: danielz on February 06, 2011, 09:29:16 PM
I said it at my brother's sheva brachos. the famous one
Famous or infamous?
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Offline Dan

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2011, 10:40:58 PM »
Quote from: chuchem on February 06, 2011, 08:34:45 PM
It should have to do with...inlaws...

Q:  What do you do if you miss your MIL??
A:  RELOAD, AND TRY AGAIN!!!

Well, maybe not all that appropriate ;)
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Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2011, 04:47:31 AM »
How about, I bought for my MIL a chair.

She just didn't plug it in yet.
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Offline daastorah

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2011, 01:27:48 PM »
Why did adam harishon live so long?

Cause he didn't have a MIL.

Imagine he wouldnt of had a wife...
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Offline Dan

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2011, 01:33:10 PM »
Quote from: daastorah on February 07, 2011, 01:27:48 PM
Why did adam harishon live so long?

Cause he didn't have a MIL.

Imagine he wouldnt of had a wife...
Why did Adam and Eve have the perfect marriage?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked!
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Offline moish

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2011, 02:25:58 PM »
whats the difference between an inlaw and an outlaw?
an outlaw's wanted.....
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Offline ChAiM'l

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2011, 05:48:27 PM »
This should be renamed the "Shvigger Joke Master Thread"...
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Offline Crazy tools

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #15 on: February 07, 2011, 05:52:39 PM »
a husband & wife were fighting on a drive through the countryside. after a cold silence they passed some cows grazing on the side of the road. the wife turns to the husband and asks, "relatives of yours?" "yup" he answers "in-laws"
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Offline Chaikel

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #16 on: February 07, 2011, 06:01:35 PM »
Don't know what all you guys are talking about. My wife's fam is awesome. I love her in-laws
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Offline moish

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #17 on: February 07, 2011, 06:05:49 PM »
what about her husband
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Offline Dan

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #18 on: February 07, 2011, 06:07:49 PM »
Quote from: Chaikel on February 07, 2011, 06:01:35 PM
Don't know what all you guys are talking about. My wife's fam is awesome. I love her in-laws
It's a jokes thread, doesn't mean we're talking about our in-laws.
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Offline moish

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #19 on: February 07, 2011, 06:17:57 PM »
i think it was also a joke. note "i love her in laws" = his own parents
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