Author Topic: joke for sheva brachot  (Read 47137 times)

Offline L'Chaim

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #45 on: March 11, 2013, 01:54:49 AM »
Any fresh jokes or anything that ties into the parsha or rosh chodesh?
You want to speak about korbanos? Lol, that seems appropriate!  ;D

Offline Deal Guy

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #46 on: March 11, 2013, 02:14:26 AM »
You want to speak about korbanos? Lol, that seems appropriate!  ;D
Be more specific please ;D

Offline L'Chaim

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #47 on: March 11, 2013, 03:38:26 AM »
Be more specific please ;D

That's all I have to say... (i.e. no jokes)

Offline Mutty

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #48 on: March 11, 2013, 01:19:26 PM »
A man goes to his Rabbi and tells him his wife is trying to poison him. The Rabbi says, no way, impossible. He said, yep, she's definitely trying to poison me. The Rabbi said he'll talk to the wife. The next day he calls back the husband. The husband said, so what happened. The Rabbi said I spoke to your wife over an hour last night. The husband said, so Nu!! The Rabbi said, "I would say, take the poison"
“You see things; you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?”

Offline njmacman

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #49 on: March 11, 2013, 02:28:41 PM »
Great one!

Offline smurf

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #50 on: March 11, 2013, 04:18:24 PM »
A man goes to his Rabbi and tells him his wife is trying to poison him. The Rabbi says, no way, impossible. He said, yep, she's definitely trying to poison me. The Rabbi said he'll talk to the wife. The next day he calls back the husband. The husband said, so what happened. The Rabbi said I spoke to your wife over an hour last night. The husband said, so Nu!! The Rabbi said, "I would say, take the poison"
sounds based off a famous quote by Winston Churchill
When told by lady Astor "if you were my husband is poison your drink"
he responded "if you were my wife I'd drink it"

Offline Mutty

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #51 on: March 11, 2013, 04:29:56 PM »
sounds based off a famous quote by Winston Churchill
When told by lady Astor "if you were my husband is poison your drink"
he responded "if you were my wife I'd drink it"
Speaking of Churchill, he was once, as usual, drunk, and told a woman - Lady you are really ugly! The woman said - Excuse me, but are really drunk!. He said - Yes, but I'll be sober in the morning!
“You see things; you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?”

Offline good sam

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #52 on: March 11, 2013, 05:25:40 PM »
Speaking of Churchill, he was once, as usual, drunk, and told a woman - Lady you are really ugly! The woman said - Excuse me, but are really drunk!. He said - Yes, but I'll be sober in the morning!
Don't think that's how it goes.  Searched around found many versions.

Quote
Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Quote
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Quote
Yes, I Am Drunk, But Tomorrow I Will Be Sober, And You Will Still Be a Fool

Quote
Bessie Braddock: "Winston, you are drunk, and what's more, you are disgustingly drunk."
Churchill: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."

Quote
"Sir, you're drunk!" "Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly."

I guess nobody know how is goes, but importantly, Churchill did not instigate by calling the woman ugly.  That would not be witty!
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline Mutty

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #53 on: March 11, 2013, 05:49:24 PM »
Don't think that's how it goes.  Searched around found many versions.

I guess nobody know how is goes, but importantly, Churchill did not instigate by calling the woman ugly.  That would not be witty!
Guess I was drunk when I heard it!!
“You see things; you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?”

Offline A European

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #54 on: February 16, 2014, 10:21:45 AM »
Any jokes for a sheva broches?
This whole thread has maybe 3 sheva broches jokes!

(I need one urgent for today)

Offline A European

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #55 on: February 16, 2014, 10:56:55 AM »
I need one urgent for today!
BUMP

Anyone?

Online sillypainter

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #56 on: February 16, 2014, 10:58:11 AM »
Not sure if it was mentioned already.

When snowing in israel a teacher got a call from the menahel that he doesn't have to come in because there are only 5 children that came to school today, so the teacher answered that he will come in because at home he has 15 children.

Why is "ushamni" listed with the aleph bet ushamni, bogadni because we wouldn't finish otherwsie.

This is d, but good one. A man sees his friend carrying 2 television sets and asks him why. He answered  because my shriver (mother in law) said that she will give away half of her life for a TV, so he brings 2....

Now a racist joke. What's the difference  between a jew and a canoe? A canoe tips and a jew doesnt.

Sorry for the typos.

The main thing we should have simchas by klal yisrael.

Offline A European

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #57 on: February 16, 2014, 11:09:17 AM »
Thanks, but I need a joke that has to do with sheva broches.

Offline A European

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Offline Mutty

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Re: joke for sheva brachot
« Reply #59 on: February 16, 2014, 12:03:24 PM »
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Someone asked what the secret to their happy marriage was.

The husband said it all started when after Sheva Brochos they took a trip to the Grand Canyon. They went to the bottom of the canyon on a mule. 

At one point the mule tripped and stopped moving. My wife said to the mule, "That's once". We went a little further and it happened again. The mule tripped and stopped. Again, my wife said to the mule, "That's twice". A little further, and it happened for the third time. My wife took out a gun from her purse, got off the mule, and shot the mule.

I started to complain to her. She gave me a look and said, "That's once".
“You see things; you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?”