WHAT HAPPENED IN THE END:
I called all airlines involved, they all told me to call the other ones. I did get united and air canada to put a note in my file about the mix-up. In Tel aviv when we were checking in they told me it was a problem. We told them that we had asked them to change it but were told they couldn't but we were told it was fine (we were) they called over a supervisor who said it's a problem nothing to do about it the system won't let them etc. and our only chance of getting on the plane is to call ANA and get them to switch it before they closed checkin (half an hour). Then we protested again and mentioned that we had a note in our file about it. They checked it up and suddenly there WAS something they could do about it

our other flights were fine although we could not check in online or do automated check in at the airports (but hey, united didn't even weigh our bags in lax so alls well that ends well