Poll

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

I'm frum and I (mostly) daven with a minyan 3x a day
93 (61.2%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven without a minyan 3x a day
18 (11.8%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven daily
22 (14.5%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) don't daven every day
13 (8.6%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) daven daily
2 (1.3%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) don't daven daily
4 (2.6%)

Total Members Voted: 152

Author Topic: Do you Daven?  (Read 24706 times)

Offline FlyFirst

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #180 on: January 11, 2018, 12:16:32 AM »
Nice to see the results here, no matter who are how you look Daven to Hashem!!!

Offline Eliyohu

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #181 on: January 11, 2018, 12:22:59 AM »


I guess it's just a bit of my bitterness coming through.

I can't stand fakes, and I would almost sooner get used to a secular lifestyle than go through this constant game of Now We're Frum, Now We're Not.

It just hurts too much...

I think what it boils down to and most of the menfolk here seem to agree is that davening is not what makes one frum or not, and not davening although appalling to many is not fake frum... being it's not your nisayon it's very hard to comprehend, and your frustration makes sense..

Offline rollingstone

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #182 on: January 11, 2018, 12:26:05 AM »
@wayfe There seems to be 2 options by you.
1. Be a perfect jew without any weakspots or challenges.
2. Move to Texas and screw the whole Judaism thing.

You keep on reiterating that you dont like "fakers". From what it seems, your husband acknowledges that what hes doing is wrong. Which is a big step in the right direction.
God put us in this world to work on ourselves and overcome our nisyonis. To reach a level of true dvekus BaHashem is a lifetimes work, some have it easier than others. Its quite ridiculous to throw in the towel when a small challenge arises. I do agree with you that davening is one of the foundations, but unfortunately amongst the new generation its taken more lenient. At this point your best option is to stand behind and encourage your husband while he tries to overcome this nisayon. Best of luck.

Offline sky121

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #183 on: January 11, 2018, 12:28:27 AM »
I guess it's just a bit of my bitterness coming through.

I can't stand fakes, and I would almost sooner get used to a secular lifestyle than go through this constant game of Now We're Frum, Now We're Not.

It just hurts too much...

Not davening doesn't make one not frum.   

And though it's hard to tell from having a 'conversation' through chat it sounds like there are bigger, deeper issues than just the fact that your husband doesn't go to davening.

Are you happy being in the community you are in?
Are you happy being religious?
And yes those are two separate questions.
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline ckmk47

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #184 on: January 11, 2018, 12:40:52 AM »
I heard of an exercise to do with children to help them grow in their attachment to Hashem that I found to be helpful as an adult.
Each day write down something good that Hashem has done for you. (I recently read that writing 3 good things down each day, helps grow a good attitude.)
Each day write down something you did that shows your 'strength' - an accomplishment or 'kovesh es yitzro' type of action.
When you pay attention, you see how Hashem is with you every step of the way.  This may help some people have more energy to daven.



Offline a good yeshiva bachur

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #185 on: January 11, 2018, 12:45:54 AM »
I heard of an exercise to do with children to help them grow in their attachment to Hashem that I found to be helpful as an adult.
Each day write down something good that Hashem has done for you. (I recently read that writing 3 good things down each day, helps grow a good attitude.)
Each day write down something you did that shows your 'strength' - an accomplishment or 'kovesh es yitzro' type of action.
When you pay attention, you see how Hashem is with you every step of the way.  This may help some people have more energy to daven.

If you impose it on your kids they snap...

Okay not snap but....

Offline ckmk47

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #186 on: January 11, 2018, 12:53:01 AM »
If you impose it on your kids they snap...

Okay not snap but....
In one era I wrote it with each of my kids.  We did it as part of the bedtime ritual. It was a nice way to focus their thinking, and good for them to have available to read later, if they were feeling unloved. 
I use it as a framework for myself. I stay alert for things Hashem does for me, even if it's as simple as getting me a good parking spot.  I complement myself on showing restraint or pushing myself to do something hard.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 12:57:12 AM by ckmk47 »

Offline skyguy918

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #187 on: January 11, 2018, 01:07:24 AM »
I stay alert for things Hashem does for me, even if it's as simple as getting me a good parking spot.
Near our first apt, parking was really rough, and my wife used to 'daven' to Hashem for a good spot as she pulled up. My oldest was big enough to 'daven' along with her each time. "Please Hashem, give us a good parking spot..."

Offline yitrap

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #188 on: January 11, 2018, 01:10:25 AM »
I heard of an exercise to do with children to help them grow in their attachment to Hashem that I found to be helpful as an adult.
Each day write down something good that Hashem has done for you. (I recently read that writing 3 good things down each day, helps grow a good attitude.)
Each day write down something you did that shows your 'strength' - an accomplishment or 'kovesh es yitzro' type of action.
When you pay attention, you see how Hashem is with you every step of the way.  This may help some people have more energy to daven.
Growing up when we used to sing Hamalach my mother used to stop by "remember the mitzvos that you did today, turn to hashem and say thank you" and ask us to say a few things...

Offline Baruch

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #189 on: January 11, 2018, 01:26:14 AM »
.I care/love hashem very much, though obviously dont "fear" him too much bc i think of him like a really chill nice god. I dont think he sweats me skipping out on the rabbinically ordained prayer service/need for attending minyanim, esp if it means i will help my wife/kids/family/friends even a tiny bit more.


כל האומר הקב"ה ותרן יוותרו מעיו
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 01:33:08 AM by Baruch »

Offline Zalc

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #190 on: January 11, 2018, 01:48:13 AM »
Putting on tefillin has become the new davening. And even that is eroding.
An older Chassid once told me:

In previous generations, people used to to "off the derech".
In our generation, every year the derech gets a little bit wider...

Offline ExGingi

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #191 on: January 11, 2018, 02:37:57 AM »

I think that saying the words forces you to remember Hashem so that you'll be more likely to think about Him and talk to Him throughout the day.
Saying the words is a way of grounding you (especially as an adult, who isn't as engrossed in Yiddishkeit as a child in school is) and connecting you to the religion.
That might be true if saying the words would mean thinking about the words. Many of us run on autopilot, and unfortunately that applies to “davening” too.

Taking (even just) 60 seconds to think/meditate before “davening” about what one is about to do, could make a world of difference. In the worst case, that would be 60 seconds of true davening, which will take place before the “davening” which consists of saying the actual nusach hatefillah.
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Offline Sport

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #192 on: January 11, 2018, 07:16:18 AM »
I heard of an exercise to do with children to help them grow in their attachment to Hashem that I found to be helpful as an adult.
Each day write down something good that Hashem has done for you. (I recently read that writing 3 good things down each day, helps grow a good attitude.)
Each day write down something you did that shows your 'strength' - an accomplishment or 'kovesh es yitzro' type of action.
When you pay attention, you see how Hashem is with you every step of the way.  This may help some people have more energy to daven.
This is something we try to do with our kids too, with a slight variation,  we talk about the best and worst part(s) of everyone's day. It definitly helps the kids  (and myself) gain perspective. It also is a great catalyst for meaningful conversation with your kids and helps get some insight into how they feel. If I would just ask them how thier day was, I'd get a one or two word amswer.

Offline good sam

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #193 on: January 11, 2018, 07:17:48 AM »


It comes you credit for at least trying to think this way.
Lol. Let me guess, Yiddish your first language?
If you don't care why would you comment?
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Offline good sam

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #194 on: January 11, 2018, 07:25:30 AM »
My take:

Davening properly 3 times a day takes A LOT of effort. Not just making it out to minyan, that's the easy part. Truly connecting can be emotionally draining.

Therefore, my observation/assumption is that some people daven properly some of the time.

But when someone stops putting in the emotional effort, the davening feels fake--just going through motions. It's a horrible feeling, and leads many to skip it altogether, or as often as their conscience allows.

As an aside, it seems this is less of problem with the older generations. The 60+ crowd is much better with never missing minyan, even in very modern communities. Perhaps the younger generation is more honest with itself.
If you don't care why would you comment?
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