Poll

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

I'm frum and I (mostly) daven with a minyan 3x a day
92 (60.9%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven without a minyan 3x a day
18 (11.9%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven daily
22 (14.6%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) don't daven every day
13 (8.6%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) daven daily
2 (1.3%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) don't daven daily
4 (2.6%)

Total Members Voted: 151

Author Topic: Do you Daven?  (Read 14525 times)

Offline BP16

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #255 on: January 11, 2018, 02:52:29 PM »
Mods, I hope this allowed.

So I'm part of the small percentage of female DDF'ers and I'd like to pose a poll to you majority holders.

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

The reason I'm asking is that my husband (we're a BY type Chassidish family from BP and pretty much fits in with the DDF male demographic) does not and when I finally reached out for support from a mentor I was told I am in very, very good company.
Just saw this thread.
I may be the same BY type as you (same description) but no people are the same, I do davin with minyan 3x a day! on vacation I do try my best to find a minyan but if not there are enough corners to davin in. I BH cant remember when I ever missed a tefiliah.
But #1 do I have in mind every word or any word that I davin? probably not! but does that mean I shouldn't davin? I could say the same thing about kissing the Mezuzah or shaking the Luluv that I dont have in mind when doing them, does that mean I shouldn't? The reason I do them is because Hashem wants I should.

Now when someone doesnt davin at all there most be something more then just not daving! daving without minyan mincha/mariv shouldnt take more then 10 min so it shouldn't be a time issue, I cant give any advice as I am not a professional.
But I know one thing lots of people dont davin or learn because they just cant read and I know the Schools? Yeshivahs put lots of work in Kreah.

You just keep on daving. Hatzlachah
 

Offline BP16

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #256 on: January 11, 2018, 02:54:51 PM »
to the posters who daven 3x a day with a minyan--

Where do you live?
Where do you work?
How far of a commute?
what time do you get up?
BP BP so commute and no difference when I get as you could always find a minyan

Offline HBS

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #257 on: January 11, 2018, 02:56:52 PM »


The problem for me and others of my ilk, is saying the same thing 3 times a day in a group minyan doesn't really bring connection, though it may bring relationship. for a bit as i stopped going to minyan, i tried davening alone in the beis medresh, and that worked for maybe a weak, but then i just couldnt shlep myself out to daven alone at shul when i could daven at home. and then i started cutting down on all the words.

Is it possible that if you would spend more time on iyun tefilla and truly understanding purpose of tefilla, the limud from sources like mabit, rambam, etc. (As if it was a sugya), you'd find more meaning in tefilla as established by the chachomim?

I am talking from a bit of experience.
When I was a fairly young bochur, I didn't have a taam for tefilla. I understood the words mostly, but didn't understand the point. Then I spent time, on advice of my mashgiach in my yeshiva, on learning some of the more hashkafadik sources. It changed tefilla for me.
And i sporadically refresh myself or learn new things on the tipic


Doesn't mean that 8/10 times, or more, I don't run through it. But it does make it more important for me. And it does allow me to try, at least sometimes, to daven with some level of kavanna.

I feel that it's quite important to keep on learning how to do mitzvos properly.

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #258 on: January 11, 2018, 03:53:53 PM »
Wow what a thread. As others have mentioned, the only way you will have any influence on your husband is through positive reinforcement, and genuine respect. Find some things you can genuinely respect him for in any area, not necessarily religious. His respect for you and consequently your influence on him will grow immensely.

With all due respect there may be another aspect here. The fact that you are almost able to contemplate the idea of being “true to yourselves” and living a secular lifestyle leaves me to wonder about the extent of your feelings and level of connection to God and religion in general and how they are expressed in your home. Is it something that has a place in everyday conversation in your life?

It is a mans mitzvah to davening, but genuine davening can’t take place in a vacuum. If there is no religious vitality in the home, and the extent of the connection to the frum lifestyle is superficial and largely revolves around the cost of the frum lifestyle etc. then the external expression of that is going to be apathy and disinterest in davening etc.

If there is room for you to grow personally in this area it will go farther than anything you could possibly say to your husband to influence him. Learning a few minutes a day from a book that speaks to you, attending a meaningful shiur/ lecture on a somewhat regular basis etc. and giving expression to your connection to spirituality in everyday life will reap dividends.

 In the meantime, if you have a husband who cares about you, is a devoted father, and is there together with you to deal with life’s challenges, you have much to be grateful for.....

@yzj

Please don't misconstrue my words.

I have a very hard time accepting contradictions and duplicity in my life. So when I don't see my husband at least trying or pretending to try to daven, I sometimes feel like it would be easier to just end our commitment to Yiddishkeit and get used to a new lifestyle than to constantly have to grapple with contradictions. This was *not* meant to be taken as a serious consideration of mine.

At this point, I realize that I can't wait for my husband and I have to take control of the life I want for my child. If want ours to be a truly, richly Jewish home- then that is up to me. If my husband wants to contribute- all the better for us!
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 04:02:28 PM by wayfe »
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
— Richard Feynman

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #259 on: January 11, 2018, 03:57:04 PM »
us millennials are all well aware of that and other words of chazal to that effect. But life experience and holy wood can have a strong effect on what we internalize from chazal.

And then complain why the "black hats" consider going to movies a bad thing.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used to start a religious discussion.

Offline Dawie

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #260 on: January 11, 2018, 04:00:51 PM »
@yzj
, I sometimes feel like it would be easier to just end our commitment to Yiddishkeit and get used to a new lifestyle than to constantly have to grapple with contradictions. This was meant to be taken as a serious consideration of mine.

as if thats ever a solution

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #261 on: January 11, 2018, 04:01:48 PM »
Given the amount of times nagging is mentioned- I'm surprised everybody assumed that I must be nagging my husband to daven.

Actually, I am evolved enough (as are many of my sex) to understand that nagging is counterproductive. I don't think I ever nagged my husband to daven.

Actually the only method that works (at least for Shabbos tefillos) is my leaving the house after candlelighting and again Shabbos afternoon.
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
— Richard Feynman

Offline elit

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #262 on: January 11, 2018, 04:02:38 PM »
+1 it would help, though, if people actually know and appreciate what they are saying.
I think that's where thr biggest disconnect comes from.
seems to me the biggest disconnect is the purpose and goal of tefillah not the meaning of the words

Online aygart

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #263 on: January 11, 2018, 04:07:02 PM »
Given the amount of times nagging is mentioned- I'm surprised everybody assumed that I must be nagging my husband to daven.

Actually, I am evolved enough (as are many of my sex) to understand that nagging is counterproductive. I don't think I ever nagged my husband to daven.

Actually the only method that works (at least for Shabbos tefillos) is my leaving the house after candlelighting and again Shabbos afternoon.
I agree. THere is definitely a way to discuss it without nagging.
I think that some here are confusing being a nag over it that he would feel you are always watching and keeping tabs on his davening which would be unhealthy for your marriage and counterproductive with having a serious conversation about something which you consider to be a serious issue. I do not see an issue with having the conversation with him, but there would of course be issues if you ask him every da whether or not he davened.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used to start a religious discussion.

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #264 on: January 11, 2018, 04:14:33 PM »
I agree. THere is definitely a way to discuss it without nagging.

We've discussed enough for him to know that it's very important to me...
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
— Richard Feynman

Online ExGingi

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #265 on: January 11, 2018, 04:18:26 PM »
We've discussed enough for him to know that it's very important to me...

And the good news is that from what I understand from you, he too isn't happy about his own situation.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #266 on: January 11, 2018, 04:28:26 PM »
And the good news is that from what I understand from you, he too isn't happy about his own situation.

Well, this has been going on for 4 years already... So I'm not sure how good that news is...

But there's always hope!
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
— Richard Feynman

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #267 on: January 11, 2018, 04:44:19 PM »

Well, this has been going on for 4 years already... So I'm not sure how good that news is...

But there's always hope!
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline yzj

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #268 on: January 11, 2018, 05:33:27 PM »
@yzj

Please don't misconstrue my words.

I have a very hard time accepting contradictions and duplicity in my life. So when I don't see my husband at least trying or pretending to try to daven, I sometimes feel like it would be easier to just end our commitment to Yiddishkeit and get used to a new lifestyle than to constantly have to grapple with contradictions. This was *not* meant to be taken as a serious consideration of mine.

At this point, I realize that I can't wait for my husband and I have to take control of the life I want for my child. If want ours to be a truly, richly Jewish home- then that is up to me. If my husband wants to contribute- all the better for us!

Got it.

So many spouses never come to the realization that there is so much that they can do to shape their homes, or they may put in effort, but do it in a way that exudes resentment and condescension, thereby undermining any positive influence they may have had on their husbands. Kudos to you for recognizing this. It may take time and be almost imperceptible at first but eventually you will see the richly Jewish home that you desire and have the satisfaction of knowing that it is due to your efforts.

Online yitzf

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #269 on: January 11, 2018, 05:33:49 PM »
As an aside, Torah Umesorah is rolling out a very comprehensive tefillah curriculum for grades K-8.

From what I've seen, this isn't just another side initiative that quickly becomes an afterthought, rather a serious curriculum with well planned teacher guides for every week of the year (different ones for each grade), and serious buy-in from the Rabbeim/Teachers.

Each grade focuses on a different part of davening and there are 5 parts. I think they are- understanding the meaning of the words, importance of davening, connection to Hashem, inspiration for davening (stories etc), and hanhaga (behavior) during davening.

They are piloting it this year at a Lakewood boys school and are planning on rolling it out to many more schools in the near future.