Author Topic: Dating in the jewish world while disabled  (Read 4717 times)

Offline chevron

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Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« on: February 12, 2018, 08:33:01 PM »
This article hit close to home

http://www.kolhabirah.com/index.php/topics-of-interest/dating/1162-the-heartbreak-of-dating-with-a-disability-in-the-jewish-world

This is not an attempt by me to bash the jewish world. I am pointing out the reality.

Now, to me. Nearly every offer to date I ever got was either laughable with no connection or, they were disabled in some form of way and so am I.

Its very possible this is yet one reason I detest the insular closed mindset of the jewish community. Maybe all anyone focuses on is their idea of compatibility ?  I also think like we focus on chesed as paramount, we often just see disabled people as a chesed case ?

I dont think it bothers me any more. I am 32, i'm at the peak of my life in health. I am having an amazing time, traveling (Alaska, Hawaii, Israel, Barcelona, DC, norcal and socal among others in the next 8 months)



Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2018, 08:47:07 PM »
Sad to read. I donít see this being a Jewish issue.
I just found a new supply of forks!

Offline gingyguy

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2018, 08:48:33 PM »
This article hit close to home

http://www.kolhabirah.com/index.php/topics-of-interest/dating/1162-the-heartbreak-of-dating-with-a-disability-in-the-jewish-world

This is not an attempt by me to bash the jewish world. I am pointing out the reality.

Now, to me. Nearly every offer to date I ever got was either laughable with no connection or, they were disabled in some form of way and so am I.

Its very possible this is yet one reason I detest the insular closed mindset of the jewish community. Maybe all anyone focuses on is their idea of compatibility ?  I also think like we focus on chesed as paramount, we often just see disabled people as a chesed case ?


I dont think it bothers me any more. I am 32, i'm at the peak of my life in health. I am having an amazing time, traveling (Alaska, Hawaii, Israel, Barcelona, DC, norcal and socal among others in the next 8 months)
while i see the issue on the part of the handicapped person having a hard time, i will say that i know more than one full healthy person in the so called "detested insular closed mindset of the jewish community " with a handicapped spouse such as a missing limb. besides for the fact that i have a very hard time believing that in  the rest of the population the average joe  or jane  shmoe will date a handicapped person as quickly as they would a non handicapped person. whatever the handicap is it comes with its own set of hardships that takes a very special person to see past.
 ( as an aside i personally am offended by the fact  that pretty much every post you make is against the jews even  with the disclaimer . if you would be a non jew you would be called on to the carpet for being an anti semite)
« Last Edit: February 12, 2018, 08:59:19 PM by gingyguy »
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline gingyguy

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2018, 08:49:04 PM »
Sad to read. I donít see this being a Jewish issue.
thank you for being fair and balanced i agree with you fully (as much  as i idislike doing that ;))
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline gingyguy

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2018, 08:52:02 PM »
This article hit close to home

http://www.kolhabirah.com/index.php/topics-of-interest/dating/1162-the-heartbreak-of-dating-with-a-disability-in-the-jewish-world

This is not an attempt by me to bash the jewish world. I am pointing out the reality.

Now, to me. Nearly every offer to date I ever got was either laughable with no connection or, they were disabled in some form of way and so am I.

Its very possible this is yet one reason I detest the insular closed mindset of the jewish community. Maybe all anyone focuses on is their idea of compatibility ?  I also think like we focus on chesed as paramount, we often just see disabled people as a chesed case ?

I dont think it bothers me any more. I am 32, i'm at the peak of my life in health. I am having an amazing time, traveling (Alaska, Hawaii, Israel, Barcelona, DC, norcal and socal among others in the next 8 month
how easy would it be for YOU to date a handicapped individual
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2018, 08:53:08 PM »
thank you for being fair and balanced i agree with you fully (as much  as i idislike doing that ;))
Some things donít belong in JS and this is one of them.
I just found a new supply of forks!

Offline chevron

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2018, 08:53:52 PM »
Sad to read. I donít see this being a Jewish issue.

She implies that by converting she limits her prospects. That is true.

But from my experience, I find religious jewish women to be more picky about this.

Offline gingyguy

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2018, 08:57:29 PM »
Some things donít belong in JS and this is one of them.
where would you put it i would personally delete
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline gingyguy

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2018, 08:58:29 PM »
She implies that by converting she limits her prospects. That is true.

But from my experience, I find religious jewish women to be more picky about this.
if @ChaimMoskowitz would convert he would be limiting his prospects as well
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline chevron

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2018, 08:58:56 PM »
how easy would it be for YOU to date a handicapped individual

Thats a very strong question, there is no easy answer. The question boils down to the handicap and what reasons or why I was interested / attracted to her.

But I had 23 surgeries, I just got out of beating my dead muscles and spinal stenosis. A lot of me wants to run away from my problems and certainly the problems of someone else. I honestly cant bear to visit people in the hospital!

I struggled for years over accepting physical issues on my end, not sure I could be so open on others (i'm very critical judger, I held myself to task for years for not beating physical limitations, I find it hard to say find an over weight woman attractive)


Offline gingyguy

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2018, 09:00:42 PM »
Thats a very strong question, there is no easy answer. The question boils down to the handicap and what reasons or why I was interested / attracted to her.

But I had 23 surgeries, I just got out of beating my dead muscles and spinal stenosis. A lot of me wants to run away from my problems and certainly the problems of someone else. I honestly cant bear to visit people in the hospital!

I struggled for years over accepting physical issues on my end, not sure I could be so open on others (i'm very critical judger, I held myself to task for years for not beating physical limitations, I find it hard to say find an over weight woman attractive)
which kind of makes it a problem for everyone no matter their race color or religion
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline sillypainter

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2018, 09:20:23 PM »
The way how I see it why it's more a Jewish issue then a secular issue is because in the Orthodox Jewish world we approach marriage in a formal way and there is no REAL connection before marriage. In the secular world you can just fall in love with somebody for no good reason, and of course, you fall OUT fo love faster for that same reason. An average Joe has 7 partners in his lifetime.

Offline chevron

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2018, 09:38:48 PM »
The way how I see it why it's more a Jewish issue then a secular issue is because in the Orthodox Jewish world we approach marriage in a formal way and there is no REAL connection before marriage. In the secular world you can just fall in love with somebody for no good reason, and of course, you fall OUT fo love faster for that same reason. An average Joe has 7 partners in his lifetime.

Ahhh! Said so astutely. Its much less chaotic if one is disabled and sets out to meet women in person. I think its the whole dating concept that punishes orthodox jews. In the real world you end up talking to someone and dont ask yourself after 5 minutes if you want to spend your life with them, maybe just the night with them to start.

Offline gingyguy

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2018, 10:02:12 PM »
Ahhh! Said so astutely. Its much less chaotic if one is disabled and sets out to meet women in person. I think its the whole dating concept that punishes orthodox jews. In the real world you end up talking to someone and dont ask yourself after 5 minutes if you want to spend your life with them, maybe just the night with them to start.
in that case why would this be something that brought you to detest the insular jewish community when its completely unintentional just a byproduct of their dating system
May you slide down the banister of happiness & get many splinters of success up your career.

Offline chevron

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #14 on: February 12, 2018, 10:18:58 PM »
in that case why would this be something that brought you to detest the insular jewish community when its completely unintentional just a byproduct of their dating system

Who detests anything ? do you know me ? I spent a portion of my life building our shull.. im still critical at people for talking, dont like the style of prayer etc.

Where I am critical, you are a serial apologist..acknowledge there are issues..