Author Topic: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide  (Read 12320 times)

Offline davidrotts63

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #30 on: February 23, 2018, 10:15:56 AM »
Im not saying the school is not responsible. I just think that parents like to blame schools whenever things go wrong for a child when a lot of the issues stem from poor parenting. IMO if your child is a bully, then you did something wrong when raising him. The school could have  disciplined better but that is just as much on the parents.
The bullied was the main focus.. you missed it.
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Offline chevron

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #31 on: February 23, 2018, 10:16:32 AM »
I've heard there were more issues than just bullying. Father lost his job, changing schools, new school didn't get paid or the registration wasn't finalized so the kids were sent home, etc.

Likely a confluence of factors here.

Painfully sad either way. Can't imagine an 11 year old feeling that desperate :'(

When I was younger,  my father lost his job to issues that he seemed moral and ethical decisions, my parents and other parents were behind on tuition, they pulled us kids out of class in the middle of the day, we sat like pariahs till our parents picked us up.

Whatever the story is, I can tell you first hand how bitter, miserable and embarrassing it is.

It will also explain my feelings of resentment to the Jewish education system that failed me.


Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #32 on: February 23, 2018, 10:16:43 AM »
Im not saying the school is not responsible. I just think that parents like to blame schools whenever things go wrong for a child when a lot of the issues stem from poor parenting. IMO if your child is a bully, then you did something wrong when raising him. The school could have  disciplined better but that is just as much on the parents.
Even good parents turn out bad kids.
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Offline davidrotts63

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #33 on: February 23, 2018, 10:17:40 AM »
The truth is sometimes the schools aren't aware or the parents don't know how bad things are. There are parents out there regretting not knowing, regretting not having pulled their kid out of school...with the information  Too late.

So it's not like there is some foolproof solution. But I do believe schools can and should be doing a better job of A. Teaching middos, and how to treat others in practical, daily ways. And B. Enforcing a no bully policy.
Truthfully, there is no reason someone should have to be from school because he's bullied. (unless he is in some way handicapped) it's the bully who should be taken care of.
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Offline Dan

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #34 on: February 23, 2018, 10:18:18 AM »
When I was younger,  my father lost his job to issues that he seemed moral and ethical decisions, my parents and other parents were behind on tuition, they pulled us kids out of class in the middle of the day, we sat like pariahs till our parents picked us up.

Whatever the story is, I can tell you first hand how bitter, miserable and embarrassing it is.

It will also explain my feelings of resentment to the Jewish education system that failed me.
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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #35 on: February 23, 2018, 10:21:25 AM »
Even good parents turn out bad kids.
Which is an argument I've seen given to my own friends when their kid was getting severely harassed in school. They were told the bully had major issues and that he was doing so much better. Which may have been true but that shouldn't mean there are no consequences.  And I don't even mean towards the bully but at least look out for the victim and try to make the situation the best possible for the kid.

I agree the schools are not protecting victims well enough. Raising kids is a joint effort. You cant only blame the parents and you cant only blame the schools, both are responsible.

Offline sky121

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #36 on: February 23, 2018, 10:21:46 AM »
When I was younger,  my father lost his job to issues that he seemed moral and ethical decisions, my parents and other parents were behind on tuition, they pulled us kids out of class in the middle of the day, we sat like pariahs till our parents picked us up.

Whatever the story is, I can tell you first hand how bitter, miserable and embarrassing it is.

It will also explain my feelings of resentment to the Jewish education system that failed me.
That's awful. Even if they wanted to punish your parents they had no reason to punish you.   All that money for a "Jewish" school...
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline chevron

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #37 on: February 23, 2018, 10:22:29 AM »
The schools won't act if the bully is a son of a wealthy or connected parent. Often those are the kids with a sense of entitlement and power.

The fact that Jewish schools tremble in fear of big donors and let some get away with stuff, shows how unfair things are.

Offline hvaces42

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #38 on: February 23, 2018, 10:23:07 AM »
Maybe i just dont get it. No one ever committed suicide from bullying when i was growing up. And there was plenty bullying going on. What is it today that makes the bullying worse than when I was growing up in a non-PC world. The names we were called and the pressures we were subjected to  was far greater than anything I see today. 

Yes it is the schools job to police the bullying and to educate that its wrong. But its not their job to raise the kid, sorry.
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Offline davidrotts63

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #39 on: February 23, 2018, 10:24:53 AM »
I agree the schools are not protecting victims well enough. Raising kids is a joint effort. You cant only blame the parents and you cant only blame the schools, both are responsible.
For the child's upbringing, yes. For bullying, no.
(Quit) pulling out the flowers, and watering the weeds. -Peter Lynch

Offline davidrotts63

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #40 on: February 23, 2018, 10:25:36 AM »
The schools won't act if the bully is a son of a wealthy or connected parent. Often those are the kids with a sense of entitlement and power.

The fact that Jewish schools tremble in fear of big donors and let some get away with stuff, shows how unfair things are.
Life Is unfair, the problem isn't fairness, rather corruptness
(Quit) pulling out the flowers, and watering the weeds. -Peter Lynch

Offline yhaller14

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #41 on: February 23, 2018, 10:27:24 AM »
Maybe i just dont get it. No one ever committed suicide from bullying when i was growing up. And there was plenty bullying going on. What is it today that makes the bullying worse than when I was growing up in a non-PC world. The names we were called and the pressures we were subjected to  was far greater than anything I see today. 

Yes it is the schools job to police the bullying and to educate that its wrong. But its not their job to raise the kid, sorry.

Exactly same here, I didn't grow up that long ago but even 10 years ago these stories were almost unheard of...... I don't think the bullying is the issue...... Ya it's teriblle that he got bullied but for someone to go from there and kill themselves at any age has far larger issues and for more going on in their lives then being bullied........
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Offline davidrotts63

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #42 on: February 23, 2018, 10:29:43 AM »
Exactly same here, I didn't grow up that long ago but even 10 years ago these stories were almost unheard of...... I don't think the bullying is the issue...... Ya it's teriblle that he got bullied but for someone to go from there and kill themselves at any age has far larger issues and for more going on in their lives then being bullied........
Wait, is this a common story now? Its one rare case, that should be a wake up call. A major wake up call.
(Quit) pulling out the flowers, and watering the weeds. -Peter Lynch

Offline sky121

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #43 on: February 23, 2018, 10:29:50 AM »
I agree the schools are not protecting victims well enough. Raising kids is a joint effort. You cant only blame the parents and you cant only blame the schools, both are responsible.
The other day I ran into an old chassdish aquantance and they mentioned they were sending their kids to one of the local Bnei Akiva type schools.  Apparently they pulled their son out because of bullying and they couldn't be happier.
It's hard to know when that moment is. And in smaller cities switching schools many times means sending your kid to a different kind of school which also leaves parents hesitant.

"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline sky121

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Re: BDE 11 year old frum boy commits suicide
« Reply #44 on: February 23, 2018, 10:31:16 AM »
Wait, is this a common story now? Its one rare case, that should be a wake up call. A major wake up call.
In the world in general there have been more and more young children commiting suicide.


Bullying in general has also gotten worse.



One reason is because of social media and technology.

But again, that's just one reason.
"Not all who wander are lost"