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Author Topic: jokes for my bothers aufruf  (Read 21136 times)

Offline Bh101

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #20 on: August 10, 2011, 09:56:34 PM »
anything guys ? i would appreciate all the help!
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Offline YOSEF

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #21 on: August 14, 2011, 01:25:14 AM »
Did it happen already?

If they call him up for the aliyah "yamod, yamod, yamod" instead of "vyamod", you can tell him that he better learn to answer the first time if he wants a happy marriage.
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Offline yossi4k

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jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #22 on: August 14, 2011, 01:57:22 AM »
Person went to heaven saw 2 lines people . One line had a sign: 'husbands who listen to their wives' and was very long the other had a sign: 'husbands, who their wives listen to them' and it had only one little guy there. So the observer went over to the little guy and asked him ; 'Why are you standing here?'
The guy answered, 'I don't know, my wife told me to!'
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Offline elikay

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #23 on: August 14, 2011, 01:58:05 AM »
Quote from: YOSEF on August 14, 2011, 01:25:14 AM
Did it happen already?

If they call him up for the aliyah "yamod, yamod, yamod" instead of "vyamod", you can tell him that he better learn to answer the first time if he wants a happy marriage.
"vyamod" who does it that way I always hear "yamod"
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Offline Bh101

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #24 on: August 14, 2011, 12:42:22 PM »
Quote from: YOSEF on August 14, 2011, 01:25:14 AM
Did it happen already?

If they call him up for the aliyah "yamod, yamod, yamod" instead of "vyamod", you can tell him that he better learn to answer the first time if he wants a happy marriage.
yup it happened over shabbos
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Offline 18seagate

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #25 on: January 11, 2014, 05:36:18 PM »
Anyone have any jokes? Have to speak. Any will be appreciated
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Offline Let3

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #26 on: January 11, 2014, 07:23:03 PM »
Does it have to be a good joke?

As a intro to my speech at my brothers aufrif I asked- why does the brother always speak at the aufrif, not at one of sheva brachos etc?
Answer: HaShem asked kayin "ayei hevel achicha?" - what are your brothers "flaws" , give me some good lashon hara..
He answered- "hashomer achi anochi?"- I don't know yet, cause I wasn't his "shomer" yet...
The week of the wedding the chasson needs a "shomer" - and who will waste all that time if not his brother, but then he is being watched 24/(7), and the brother will learn many "secrets". so the chasson has to make sure he will speak BEFORE the aufrif, not to embarrass   him in public....
« Last Edit: January 11, 2014, 07:46:35 PM by Let3 »
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Offline 18seagate

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #27 on: January 12, 2014, 08:44:27 AM »
Thanks. Anybody else?
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Offline MarkS

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #28 on: January 12, 2014, 10:50:49 AM »
If you are a bochur - here's a way to start off...

I was at an aufruf once where one of the Chossons single friends pulled out a paper from his pocket (ostensibly his speech) and started reading:
Chaiky Rosen, 23 years old, 5 foot 3. Bnos Chava - ---- oops, wrong paper!!! (put it away and pull out real speech).

Was the story of the guy changing a tire ever said on here?

A guy was asked what type of girl he is looking for. He responded with the following story:
I was once driving down the highway when I noticed a car stopped in the shoulder with a flat tire and a woman looking like she needs help. I pulled over and she asked me to change her tire for her. Always willing to help I got to work jacking it up and putting in the spare. She told me to please try not to shake the car too or make noise while changing it because she doesn't want to wake up her husband who is sleeping in the passenger sheet.
THAT answered the guy - is the type of girl I want to marry! :)
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Offline 18seagate

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #29 on: January 12, 2014, 12:01:41 PM »
Pretty good
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Offline michael

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #30 on: January 12, 2014, 05:11:55 PM »
Looking for the mekor for having to respect an older brother, not just the oldest brother. From kabed ES. Most meforshim say it's only the oldest, but several reference a shita that it's any older brother. Need it for sheva brachos speech. Anybody know?
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Offline MC

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #31 on: January 12, 2014, 07:35:34 PM »
The Arizal (birkei yosef) says it applies to all older siblings.
I'm sure there are other sources too
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Offline churnbabychurn

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #32 on: January 12, 2014, 07:54:38 PM »
Quote from: michael on January 12, 2014, 05:11:55 PM
Looking for the mekor for having to respect an older brother, not just the oldest brother. From kabed ES. Most meforshim say it's only the oldest, but several reference a shita that it's any older brother. Need it for sheva brachos speech. Anybody know?
i looked into this once, cant remember the sefer...Did you check the minchas chinuch?
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Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #33 on: January 20, 2014, 05:39:10 PM »
Off topic: I was asked to speak at a Bar-Mitzvah, any Bar-Mitzvah jokes out there?
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Online cozmohoot

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Re: jokes for my bothers aufruf
« Reply #34 on: January 20, 2014, 06:55:09 PM »
Quote from: Achas Veachas on January 20, 2014, 05:39:10 PM
Off topic: I was asked to speak at a Bar-Mitzvah, any Bar-Mitzvah jokes out there?
how about the seforim/umbrella one? I wanted to give you something you will actually open up so here's an umbrella ;)
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Offline solls108

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Aufruf Jokes
« Reply #35 on: June 10, 2014, 06:39:28 PM »
I thought it would be good to gather a collection of good generic funny aufruf jokes.

Whether opening 5 min jokes or quick 1 liners - please feel free to share!

"IYH by you!"
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Offline ChAiM'l

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Re: Aufruf Jokes
« Reply #36 on: June 10, 2014, 06:40:49 PM »
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Offline solls108

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Re: Aufruf Jokes
« Reply #37 on: June 10, 2014, 06:42:29 PM »
Didnt see that, thanks!!
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