Author Topic: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much) Better Half  (Read 77253 times)

Offline JoeCha

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #140 on: April 22, 2015, 11:34:49 PM »
I agree with ilherman, since joining I never get excited about cheap glitch tickets in coach.
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Offline DMYD

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #141 on: April 22, 2015, 11:40:15 PM »
Not just that, we are getting so spoiled that even J isn't enough always trying to figure out how to get in to F!

Offline Something Fishy

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #142 on: April 22, 2015, 11:43:29 PM »
Hmmm. Looks like some of the men around here could use a support group as well.
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Offline Ergel

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #143 on: April 22, 2015, 11:45:23 PM »
Anyone else bothered by the parentheses in the title?
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Offline DMYD

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #144 on: April 23, 2015, 12:04:09 AM »
Hmmm. Looks like some of the men around here could use a support group as well.
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Offline benjie1305

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #145 on: April 23, 2015, 09:04:07 AM »
Hmm, please think it over.

 Last time when there was a price mistake to TLV for $400 I booked tickets right away.

....Then I started imagining, 12 hours in stinky economy? Me? And quickly canceled it the next morning after dreaming how I sit next to a fat woman for 12 hours and every time I need the bathroom I hear her saying fuc* him while Im sweating like a rotten pig.

No, I can't see my self sitting in coach. Besides short -haul.

Reminds me of this old thread I came across that made me laugh so hard that I woke up my wife and kid at 11 pm.

I figure this was funny enough to get it's own thread.

I cried from reading this.

Warning: R-rated language in some parts.



Quote
Dear Jetstar,

Do you like riddles? I do, thatís why Iím starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. Whatís fat as <language redacted by mod>, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? Thatís right, itís the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasnít a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.

Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, itís entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didnít catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, Iíll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (Iíve given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how shit they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, ďhehehe, theyíre for crew only, heheheď. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both ďcrew onlyĒ rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why sheís flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isnít that exactly the same as having someone who canít control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so thatís why Iím demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.

Iím also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as Iím yet to regain full use of my left side. If I donít recover completely, Iíll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: [Redacted], or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards,

Rich Wisken.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2018, 12:59:04 PM by jj1000 »
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Offline coralsnake

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #146 on: April 23, 2015, 09:57:57 AM »
Just read the original TR in this thread.

Thinking about my wife, the jig would be up the second she realized we're going to the airport.
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Offline AJK

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #147 on: April 23, 2015, 11:32:45 AM »
Just read the original TR in this thread.

Thinking about my wife, the jig would be up the second she realized we're going to the airport.

That would just mean you hadn't paved the road well enough before hand :)
2015: 116K bkd | 1.6M brnd | F: OZ,NH,AA,EK | J: UA,CA,TK,DL,TN,AF,VA | LIH,NRT,ROR,PEK,CNS,BOB,MEL,TLV & Pacific Hopper

Offline AJK

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #148 on: April 23, 2015, 11:33:25 AM »
Reminds me of this old thread I came across that made me laugh so hard that I woke up my wife and kid at 11 pm.

Lol'd all over again. People on the bus thought I was in a fit of hysterics.
2015: 116K bkd | 1.6M brnd | F: OZ,NH,AA,EK | J: UA,CA,TK,DL,TN,AF,VA | LIH,NRT,ROR,PEK,CNS,BOB,MEL,TLV & Pacific Hopper

Offline ushdadude

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #149 on: April 23, 2015, 11:34:19 AM »
How was Westin? nice view?

Offline EnEl

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #150 on: April 23, 2015, 11:38:44 AM »
Reminds me of this old thread I came across that made me laugh so hard that I woke up my wife and kid at 11 pm.


Apparently this is the Fat Man's response to the viral complaint letter.

http://theantijared.com/2014/10/called-fat-man-jetstar-flight.html

Offline yakrot

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #151 on: April 26, 2015, 01:33:59 AM »
Wow nice tr

Offline good sam

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #152 on: April 26, 2015, 07:56:43 AM »
Anyone else bothered by the parentheses in the title?
Yes. Should go in ajk's grammar thread
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline AJK

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #153 on: April 26, 2015, 09:25:19 AM »
Yes. Should go in ajk's grammar thread

+1
2015: 116K bkd | 1.6M brnd | F: OZ,NH,AA,EK | J: UA,CA,TK,DL,TN,AF,VA | LIH,NRT,ROR,PEK,CNS,BOB,MEL,TLV & Pacific Hopper

Offline ushdadude

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #154 on: April 26, 2015, 11:12:04 AM »
Do it! Even the first part... trust me :P

I surprised my wife for our first anniversary with a day trip to atlanta. she loves aquariums and theirs is one of the best in the country. until we actually got to the airport she was annoyed i woke her up so early on a sunday ;D

Offline lunatic

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #155 on: April 26, 2015, 11:14:21 AM »
<sigh>

What we've done to our women, eh?

 :-X :D

Just happened to me this morning. Talked about takin a 6 or 7 hour plane trip and my wife says, she is not going coach....

Offline AJK

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #156 on: April 26, 2015, 11:46:44 AM »
I surprised my wife for our first anniversary with a day trip to atlanta. she loves aquariums and theirs is one of the best in the country. until we actually got to the airport she was annoyed i woke her up so early on a sunday ;D

What did you tell her until then??

Just happened to me this morning. Talked about takin a 6 or 7 hour plane trip and my wife says, she is not going coach....

We must sleep in the made we make :)
2015: 116K bkd | 1.6M brnd | F: OZ,NH,AA,EK | J: UA,CA,TK,DL,TN,AF,VA | LIH,NRT,ROR,PEK,CNS,BOB,MEL,TLV & Pacific Hopper

Offline ushdadude

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #157 on: April 26, 2015, 11:48:20 AM »
What did you tell her until then??


that we were going somewhere a little far. once we got to the airport she realized we were flying somewhere but i didn't tell her destination until we got to the gate.

Offline lunatic

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #158 on: April 26, 2015, 11:56:29 AM »

We must sleep in the made we make :)

Tell me about it...  I am trying to use up 2 delta 400 vouchers (for getting bumped on my delta glitch flight) and can't find any flight that makes sense in coach

Offline lunatic

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Re: AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much Better) Half
« Reply #159 on: April 26, 2015, 04:06:11 PM »
What did you tell her until then??

We must sleep in the made we make :)

AJK,  you inspired me http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=51430.0