Funny Airport Stories

[MosheP]

Share your funny, interesting airport, airline, TSA etc. stories here.

[MosheP]

Was flying out of BOS last week and there was this TSA guy directing traffic through the metal detectors he kept announcing " Please take a moment and think if you have something on under you sweater or jacket before removing it".  He had the most ridiculous smirk on his face, I asked him what happened. He says " not 30 minuets ago I was treated to the best Biology lesson ever!!!"

[chff]

Asked in TLV what is the reason of my visit to Israel, said 'Elal had a glitch'. How often do you come to Israel, 'as many glitches happen...', yes, I have answered that..... (and I was flying on an award ticket in Biz....)

[SuperFlyer]

During my May 2005 travels, I flew into STR coming from ZRH.
The cop (at transfer) asked me: where are you flying to?
Me: to ZRH.

Eventually they stopped asking, when I showed up, up to twice daily.

[SuperFlyer]

During those same travels, I was sometimes together with a friend on those flights.

Visiting for 3-4 mins the lounge just to grab a drink, there was a guy Robert, promoted to squeeze oranges.
My friend tapped on the back and say: how about you prepare us a drink. We shall be back soon.
When we walked in a few hours later, he must have thought we've been checking out the duty free for a while, when in fact, we have been in the meantime 2x in ZRH and 1x in CDG.

[SuperFlyer]

From the same tv show...

On shorthaul flights, the return flights (back to the hub), is mostly flown by the same crew as the flight that came in a bit earlier.

So, on LX in MUC, the purser asked me when boarding: were you not on this flight just 30 mins ago?
Me: yes, you said we hope to welcome you soon aboard again, but what about all those other people? Never seen them before.

[damaxer91]

From the same tv show...

On shorthaul flights, the return flights (back to the hub), is mostly flown by the same crew as the flight that came in a bit earlier.

So, on LX in MUC, the purser asked me when boarding: were you not on this flight just 30 mins ago?
Me: yes, you said we hope to welcome you soon aboard again, but what about all those other people? Never seen them before.

Cute

I was once with a friend in HKG and an innocent Chinese fellow pointed to my friends Tzitzis and asked him what they were.

He replied "I often get things stuck in between my teeth, hence i wear these so I always have something handy to floss with"

[Cholentfresser]

Cute

I was once with a friend in HKG and an innocent Chinese fellow pointed to my friends Tzitzis and asked him what they were.

He replied "I often get things stuck in between my teeth, hence i wear these so I always have something handy to floss with"

I heard people say that abt the beard   

[Achas Veachas]

In DXB got pulled over by security for my Teffilin, after explaining to them what it was (sort of) they continued going through my bag and wanted to know what each Sefer was (Siddur, Chitas, Rambam, artscroll Gemara etc.) and I had to explain to this arab what each Sefer was for, what it was about etc.

[DH Data Recovery]

I was in Paris had a gas butane lighter - non metallic - forgot that it was in my pocket, was one of those lighters that never actually worked when you needed it most... get to security and the guy checks it and says I can't take it on the plane, I said it rarely works anyway so he said lemme check starts pressing the gas button over and over and nothing happens - hes about to give up.. presses it one more time and a huge flame comes shooting out he almost burnt his chin off!

[PlatinumGuy]

The trick with lighters is to take 2. Even if they find one, they'll rarely look for a second

[Galitzyaner]

The trick with lighters is to take 2. Even if they find one, they'll rarely look for a second

Lol, love that!  PG's always got it down pat!

[RJ898]

I was once brought my Kosher meal on a flight, when I noticed that while the meal was Fleishig, the tray had real milk. I noticed I had been brought the Halal tray. When I asked the stewardess to please bring me the Kosher tray, she asked, "what's the difference"?? I told her: you'll never hear a CSI detective say "there's something not quite Halal about this crime scene.

[moish]

The trick with lighters is to take 2. Even if they find one, they'll rarely look for a second

actually, youre allowed to bring a regular lighter on board

[PlatinumGuy]

actually, youre allowed to bring a regular lighter on board

Depends where. Had one confiscated @ PVG a few weeks ago

[A3]

I was flying home from TLV-EWR on CO before it was AU last chol hamoed suitcase.
There was a huge line to check in but business was empty. I asked the agent if I can just use the scale to check the weight. He said no problem and he even checked us in. Got us bulk head with an empty seat between.
When we weighed the luggage one bag was 67 pounds and the other was 59. We are allowed 50. When I told him to let me put it all in one so I should only be charged one overweight fee. He said  "don't worry about it. It's the holidays, I'm supposed to be nice"
Easiest check in ever.

[mmermss]

I was flying home from TLV-EWR on CO before it was AU last child hamoed suitcase.
There was a huge line to check in but business was empty. I asked the agent if I can just use the scale to check the weight. He said no problem and he even checked us in. Got us bulk head with an empty seat between.
When we weighed the luggage one bag was 67 pounds and the other was 59. We are allowed 50. When I told him to let me put it all in one so I should only be charged one overweight fee. He said  "don't worry about it. It's the holidays, I'm supposed to be nice"
Easiest check in ever.

[Achas Veachas]

I was flying home from TLV-EWR on CO before it was AU last child hamoed suitcase.
There was a huge line to check in but business was empty. I asked the agent if I can just use the scale to check the weight. He said no problem and he even checked us in. Got us bulk head with an empty seat between.
When we weighed the luggage one bag was 67 pounds and the other was 59. We are allowed 50. When I told him to let me put it all in one so I should only be charged one overweight fee. He said  "don't worry about it. It's the holidays, I'm supposed to be nice"
Easiest check in ever.

Was once flying somewhere for Pesach and had 2 huge suitcases, naturally both overweight, the agent was very uncompromising on every extra ounce, o we went out of the line to "rearrange". By the time we were done we were late and there were long lines so we asked the first class clerk if he can check us in. We were still way over but he didn't say a word and even let us check in an overstuffed handbag we were planning on checking in at the gate.

[mmermss]

I was flying home from TLV-EWR on CO before it was AU last chol hamoed suitcase.
There was a huge line to check in but business was empty. I asked the agent if I can just use the scale to check the weight. He said no problem and he even checked us in. Got us bulk head with an empty seat between.
When we weighed the luggage one bag was 67 pounds and the other was 59. We are allowed 50. When I told him to let me put it all in one so I should only be charged one overweight fee. He said  "don't worry about it. It's the holidays, I'm supposed to be nice"
Easiest check in ever.

Ive had good experiences and bad experiences with weighing suitcases.
Put my suitcase up to weigh..was 52 pounds she let it go...next suitcase was 53 pounds..she let it go.  She looks up and she goes that will be $400 sir.  I'm like excuse me??  She said both suitcases are over weight and an over weight suitcase is $200.  I started laughing..took out a book and gave it back to her.
Another time they weighed the bags...but told me to take it across the room and drop if off by the pile of suitcases...didnt need to but on the way I couldve filled it up with another 25 pounds if I wanted to.
I was traveling business with a relative so each had 6 suitcases of around 80-95 each.  Asked for one of those guys who carry your suitcases for you (dont know what their called) to help me out, paid him a few bucks and told him...whatever happens...dont weigh these bags.  He let 12 overweight bags go unweighed 

[DrDanny]

They're called porters
I once flew spirit with two overweight bags before I told him about the second bag  I paid for the first in cash with a ten dollar tip.....apparently they were having a sale that day as that's all I paid