POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?

[LongTimeLurker]

The same Hashem, who made the Shidduch will help the Kallahs father not get a heart attack ch'v in the first place. Simchos cost a fortune, even for a very low budget "simple" wedding ... And it has nothing to do with 'Forced', after everything is set and done, it amounts to a TON! Not saying not, but the same Hashem who made the Shidduch will help you pay the fortune!

There once was god fearing Jew who lived in a flood zone. The area received a flood warning, but the Jew said "Hashem will provide". The flood waters rose, and the man found himself standing on a table. The fire department arrived , but the Jew said " Hashem will provide". The man evacuated to  second floor as the water continued to rise. A rescue kayak came to save him, but the Jew said "Hashem will provide". Finally the man found himself fleeing to the roof. A coast guard rescue swimmer lowered from a helicopter came to whisk him to safety, but the man said "Hashem will provide".

The man found himself in heaven, shocked that he had died. He appeared before Hashem and said ribbono shel olam, I was a god fearing yid, why didnt you save me?

To which the Aibishter replied:
I sent you an alert system, the fire department, a kayak and the US coast guard. Why didnt you take any of them??

[Moshe Green]

How?

by saying it takes guts to go against the stream means that many who don't have the guts are forced.

[aygart]

by saying it takes guts to go against the stream means that many who don't have the guts are forced.

Sorry, but that is not forced, that is pressured. Yes there is often pressure to spend above one's means and it takes inner strength to resist that pressure.

[ushdadude]

No halls in 5T. Closest thing is Sands but not too many weddings there.
But now that we finally got a normal supermarket here, maybe we could get a hall!

maybe we can rent out the amazon warehouse

[Sammy82]

maybe we can rent out the amazon warehouse

👏👏

[HudZ]

There once was god fearing Jew who lived in a flood zone. The area received a flood warning, but the Jew said "Hashem will provide". The flood waters rose, and the man found himself standing on a table. The fire department arrived , but the Jew said " Hashem will provide". The man evacuated to  second floor as the water continued to rise. A rescue kayak came to save him, but the Jew said "Hashem will provide". Finally the man found himself fleeing to the roof. A coast guard rescue swimmer lowered from a helicopter came to whisk him to safety, but the man said "Hashem will provide".

The man found himself in heaven, shocked that he had died. He appeared before Hashem and said ribbono shel olam, I was a god fearing yid, why didnt you save me?

To which the Aibishter replied:
I sent you an alert system, the fire department, a kayak and the US coast guard. Why didnt you take any of them??

Yes, Hashem will provide, you just have to trust him...

Though, (unlike in your story) sometimes it may not be as evident that Hashem is right here in all cases,but he ALWAYS is...

[yelped]

Yes, Hashem will provide, you just have to trust him...

Though, (unlike in your story) sometimes it may not be as evident that Hashem is right here in all cases,but he ALWAYS is...

Can you state that again in English this time, please?

[HudZ]

Can you state that again in English this time, please?

Not sure I understand what you're asking...😕

[David61]

Sorry, but that is not forced, that is pressured. Yes there is often pressure to spend above one's means and it takes inner strength to resist that pressure.

It's not always a strength to stand by your principles (that are not absolute halacha). Sometimes its a strength to compromise on those e.g. when the repercussions/downsides are too high.

If it's going to affect your shalom bayis, your child's shalom bayis, or your child's standing in the shidduch market (al pi derech hateva), maybe the "right"/"smart" thing to do is to capitulate to society's narishkeit and spend beyond your means.

[WonderingYid]

&t=11s

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1mKwULMOTPP9jBh2yZ9Cus?si=qMyC1q8LRICArDHi-gX2mw

[aygart]

It's not always a strength to stand by your principles (that are not absolute halacha). Sometimes its a strength to compromise on those e.g. when the repercussions/downsides are too high.

If it's going to affect your shalom bayis, your child's shalom bayis, or your child's standing in the shidduch market (al pi derech hateva), maybe the "right"/"smart" thing to do is to capitulate to society's narishkeit and spend beyond your means.

Everyone who spends their way to bankruptcy has a long list of reasons why they had no choice. I am sure there are cases where the right thing to do is to extend oneself, bit that remains a choice and is not something they were forced into. Often it was years of spending issues that brought them to this point where smaller issues become larger ones.

[notyettaken]

If it's going to affect your shalom bayis, your child's shalom bayis, or your child's standing in the shidduch market (al pi derech hateva), maybe the "right"/"smart" thing to do is to capitulate to society's narishkeit and spend beyond your means.

rumor has it that being broke (sometimes) puts a strain on S"B (CH"V)

[lover of truth]

It's not always a strength to stand by your principles (that are not absolute halacha). Sometimes its a strength to compromise on those e.g. when the repercussions/downsides are too high.

If it's going to affect your shalom bayis, your child's shalom bayis, or your child's standing in the shidduch market (al pi derech hateva), maybe the "right"/"smart" thing to do is to capitulate to society's narishkeit and spend beyond your means.

understood
there are plenty of out of town communities where cheeze itsand apple juice are socially acceptable for shull kiddush maybe check them out
point is that people are so fixated on whats balabatish that they dont see that half of communities dont have these standards and they are not normal, only in certain circles

[Just A Jew]

rumor has it that being broke (sometimes) puts a strain on S"B (CH"V)

I've heard the same thing about being rich. S"b issues are very subjective to the people in the relationship. There's no golden rule to these things.

[HudZ]

I've heard the same thing about being rich. S"b issues are very subjective to the people in the relationship. There's no golden rule to these things.

Exactly!

[yr]

I've heard the same thing about being rich. S"b issues are very subjective to the people in the relationship. There's no golden rule to these things.

It's well known the money is the number one thing couples argue about.

[WayBackMachine]

It's well known the money is the number one thing couples argue about.

what's there to argue about? there is no money case closed.

[Dan]

It's well known the money is the number one thing couples argue about.

Do wealthy couples not argue as often?

[yitzgar]

I think what he meant was that lack of money can very easily create stress which can lead (and often does lead) to sb issues. It doesn't have to, though....

[Just A Jew]

I think what he meant was that lack of money can very easily create stress which can lead (and often does lead) to sb issues. It doesn't have to, though....

And the counterpoint is that money being the #1 things couples argue about isn't exclusive to those with no money. Money stresses out people of all income levels.