Dating in the jewish world while disabled

[chevron]

This article hit close to home

http://www.kolhabirah.com/index.php/topics-of-interest/dating/1162-the-heartbreak-of-dating-with-a-disability-in-the-jewish-world

This is not an attempt by me to bash the jewish world. I am pointing out the reality.

Now, to me. Nearly every offer to date I ever got was either laughable with no connection or, they were disabled in some form of way and so am I.

Its very possible this is yet one reason I detest the insular closed mindset of the jewish community. Maybe all anyone focuses on is their idea of compatibility ?  I also think like we focus on chesed as paramount, we often just see disabled people as a chesed case ?

I dont think it bothers me any more. I am 32, i'm at the peak of my life in health. I am having an amazing time, traveling (Alaska, Hawaii, Israel, Barcelona, DC, norcal and socal among others in the next 8 months)

[ChaimMoskowitz]

Sad to read. I don’t see this being a Jewish issue.

[gingyguy]

This article hit close to home

http://www.kolhabirah.com/index.php/topics-of-interest/dating/1162-the-heartbreak-of-dating-with-a-disability-in-the-jewish-world

This is not an attempt by me to bash the jewish world. I am pointing out the reality.

Now, to me. Nearly every offer to date I ever got was either laughable with no connection or, they were disabled in some form of way and so am I.

Its very possible this is yet one reason I detest the insular closed mindset of the jewish community. Maybe all anyone focuses on is their idea of compatibility ?  I also think like we focus on chesed as paramount, we often just see disabled people as a chesed case ?


I dont think it bothers me any more. I am 32, i'm at the peak of my life in health. I am having an amazing time, traveling (Alaska, Hawaii, Israel, Barcelona, DC, norcal and socal among others in the next 8 months)

while i see the issue on the part of the handicapped person having a hard time, i will say that i know more than one full healthy person in the so called "detested insular closed mindset of the jewish community " with a handicapped spouse such as a missing limb. besides for the fact that i have a very hard time believing that in  the rest of the population the average joe  or jane  shmoe will date a handicapped person as quickly as they would a non handicapped person. whatever the handicap is it comes with its own set of hardships that takes a very special person to see past.
 ( as an aside i personally am offended by the fact  that pretty much every post you make is against the jews even  with the disclaimer . if you would be a non jew you would be called on to the carpet for being an anti semite)

[gingyguy]

Sad to read. I don’t see this being a Jewish issue.

thank you for being fair and balanced i agree with you fully (as much  as i idislike doing that )

[gingyguy]

This article hit close to home

http://www.kolhabirah.com/index.php/topics-of-interest/dating/1162-the-heartbreak-of-dating-with-a-disability-in-the-jewish-world

This is not an attempt by me to bash the jewish world. I am pointing out the reality.

Now, to me. Nearly every offer to date I ever got was either laughable with no connection or, they were disabled in some form of way and so am I.

Its very possible this is yet one reason I detest the insular closed mindset of the jewish community. Maybe all anyone focuses on is their idea of compatibility ?  I also think like we focus on chesed as paramount, we often just see disabled people as a chesed case ?

I dont think it bothers me any more. I am 32, i'm at the peak of my life in health. I am having an amazing time, traveling (Alaska, Hawaii, Israel, Barcelona, DC, norcal and socal among others in the next 8 month

how easy would it be for YOU to date a handicapped individual

[ChaimMoskowitz]

thank you for being fair and balanced i agree with you fully (as much  as i idislike doing that )

Some things don’t belong in JS and this is one of them.

[chevron]

Sad to read. I don’t see this being a Jewish issue.

She implies that by converting she limits her prospects. That is true.

But from my experience, I find religious jewish women to be more picky about this.

[gingyguy]

Some things don’t belong in JS and this is one of them.

where would you put it i would personally delete

[gingyguy]

She implies that by converting she limits her prospects. That is true.

But from my experience, I find religious jewish women to be more picky about this.

if @ChaimMoskowitz would convert he would be limiting his prospects as well

[chevron]

how easy would it be for YOU to date a handicapped individual

Thats a very strong question, there is no easy answer. The question boils down to the handicap and what reasons or why I was interested / attracted to her.

But I had 23 surgeries, I just got out of beating my dead muscles and spinal stenosis. A lot of me wants to run away from my problems and certainly the problems of someone else. I honestly cant bear to visit people in the hospital!

I struggled for years over accepting physical issues on my end, not sure I could be so open on others (i'm very critical judger, I held myself to task for years for not beating physical limitations, I find it hard to say find an over weight woman attractive)

[gingyguy]

Thats a very strong question, there is no easy answer. The question boils down to the handicap and what reasons or why I was interested / attracted to her.

But I had 23 surgeries, I just got out of beating my dead muscles and spinal stenosis. A lot of me wants to run away from my problems and certainly the problems of someone else. I honestly cant bear to visit people in the hospital!

I struggled for years over accepting physical issues on my end, not sure I could be so open on others (i'm very critical judger, I held myself to task for years for not beating physical limitations, I find it hard to say find an over weight woman attractive)

which kind of makes it a problem for everyone no matter their race color or religion

[sillypainter]

The way how I see it why it's more a Jewish issue then a secular issue is because in the Orthodox Jewish world we approach marriage in a formal way and there is no REAL connection before marriage. In the secular world you can just fall in love with somebody for no good reason, and of course, you fall OUT fo love faster for that same reason. An average Joe has 7 partners in his lifetime.

[chevron]

The way how I see it why it's more a Jewish issue then a secular issue is because in the Orthodox Jewish world we approach marriage in a formal way and there is no REAL connection before marriage. In the secular world you can just fall in love with somebody for no good reason, and of course, you fall OUT fo love faster for that same reason. An average Joe has 7 partners in his lifetime.

Ahhh! Said so astutely. Its much less chaotic if one is disabled and sets out to meet women in person. I think its the whole dating concept that punishes orthodox jews. In the real world you end up talking to someone and dont ask yourself after 5 minutes if you want to spend your life with them, maybe just the night with them to start.

[gingyguy]

Ahhh! Said so astutely. Its much less chaotic if one is disabled and sets out to meet women in person. I think its the whole dating concept that punishes orthodox jews. In the real world you end up talking to someone and dont ask yourself after 5 minutes if you want to spend your life with them, maybe just the night with them to start.

in that case why would this be something that brought you to detest the insular jewish community when its completely unintentional just a byproduct of their dating system

[chevron]

in that case why would this be something that brought you to detest the insular jewish community when its completely unintentional just a byproduct of their dating system

Who detests anything ? do you know me ? I spent a portion of my life building our shull.. im still critical at people for talking, dont like the style of prayer etc.

Where I am critical, you are a serial apologist..acknowledge there are issues..

[chevron]

But I feel for the woman in the article and others.

[gingyguy]

Who detests anything ? do you know me ? I spent a portion of my life building our shull.. im still critical at people for talking, dont like the style of prayer etc.

Where I am critical, you are a serial apologist..acknowledge there are issues..

This article hit close to home

http://www.kolhabirah.com/index.php/topics-of-interest/dating/1162-the-heartbreak-of-dating-with-a-disability-in-the-jewish-world

This is not an attempt by me to bash the jewish world. I am pointing out the reality.

Now, to me. Nearly every offer to date I ever got was either laughable with no connection or, they were disabled in some form of way and so am I.

Its very possible this is yet one reason I detest the insular closed mindset of the jewish community. Maybe all anyone focuses on is their idea of compatibility ?  I also think like we focus on chesed as paramount, we often just see disabled people as a chesed case ?

I dont think it bothers me any more. I am 32, i'm at the peak of my life in health. I am having an amazing time, traveling (Alaska, Hawaii, Israel, Barcelona, DC, norcal and socal among others in the next 8 months)

to answer ur first point

while i see the issue on the part of the handicapped person having a hard time, i will say that i know more than one full healthy person in the so called "detested insular closed mindset of the jewish community " with a handicapped spouse such as a missing limb. besides for the fact that i have a very hard time believing that in  the rest of the population the average joe  or jane  shmoe will date a handicapped person as quickly as they would a non handicapped person. whatever the handicap is it comes with its own set of hardships that takes a very special person to see past.
 ( as an aside i personally am offended by the fact  that pretty much every post you make is against the jews even  with the disclaimer . if you would be a non jew you would be called on to the carpet for being an anti semite)

and this is me agreeing to the problem while at the same time acknowledging tht its not exclusive to the jewish people . i have no issue discussing any issue if the person im discussing it with is being honest

[wayfe]

I find it hard to say find an over weight woman attractive

You do realize that you are guilty of perpetuating the very system you lament?

[hvaces42]

Who detests anything ? do you know me ? I spent a portion of my life building our shull.. im still critical at people for talking, dont like the style of prayer etc.

Where I am critical, you are a serial apologist..acknowledge there are issues..

Why cant people just mind their side of the fence? Critical of this and that, this one is a [fill in the blank], I dont like [fill in the blank]. Name calling.

What are you really angry about?

**ducks and runs**

[chevron]

You do realize that you are guilty of perpetuating the very system you lament?

Yes and no.  Bad choices of doctors and bad surgical procedures to remove tumors left my face scarred. I could fix it with more surgery but at this point I'm just tired of it all. If that was a factor of attraction and something I needed to fix, it would be my responsibility to fix it.

Years of untreated spinal stenosis and bad lifestyle choices made me very weak. I owned up to it, insurance didn't cover physical therapy, I didn't get to gym. I pay for after care rehab 3 times a week and there are other people there fighting for a better life. ..

im sympathetic to people's challenges,but I would not be attracted to that.