Here is a random spoof-style piece I wrote a number of years ago. Like?
The Shul is packed with people, who have come to pray,
But unfortunately some have lots to say,
The Rav bangs on the Bima and he asks for silence,
This is wrong, you must be strong.
-Miami Boys Choir (1989)
“What, he’s trying to tell us what to do?! The audacity! We need an emergency board meeting.”
The board convenes and votes unanimously to immediately fire the Rav. The congregation then hires a new Rav: A man from a far off place, his first name most probably starts with a J, and a slew of letter combinations after his name. And most importantly, someone who knows where to keep his nose.
And the Shul-goers continue to talk.
So that way just wouldn’t work nowadays. But what would?
One day tragedy strikes. Signs go up, with the logo of a brand name nonprofit Askanus organization on their bottom. The “We Need You, We Need Your Tefillos” campaign has officially been launched.
The rabbi nonchalantly praises it. The board votes for the Shul to adopt the program. The campaign begins to evolve.
A big singer makes a heart wrenching music video portraying the miracles that will happen to any devout mouth-shutter. A “SHUSH” app was developed for iPhones and Androids. Many schools produced productions on the topic. The Aguda convention theme was “Silence for our Soul”.
So the Shul is quite. Hopefully nothing newsworthy enough to repeat will happen during Davening.
Oy.