Author Topic: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?  (Read 22343 times)

Offline Tuna Baygel

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #20 on: March 08, 2021, 02:20:12 PM »
there are programs that protect content from screenshot
but I don't think that's feasible in browser-based sharing

ETA: screenshotting not necessary here image can be copied/saved as a regular image. meh
You printed? I wasn't able to do anything 

Offline Yonah

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #21 on: March 08, 2021, 02:29:11 PM »
As someone who identifies as MO, the whole shidduch process is confusing and perplexing to me.

A potential solution - do it tay sachs style:
- Upload your shidduch resume and picture to a site.
- When you are 'red' to someone, the app gives them a unique code for that particular match.
- they use that code to view your resume and picture, which are presented as an image with a subtle watermark of their code
- This way, if they screenshot, it shows what code was used, so you know who spread the info around

An even better solution - forget about the picture of the person, if someone sounds compatible, go on a date, and see if you like them.

Offline AsherO

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #22 on: March 08, 2021, 02:44:02 PM »
An even better solution - forget about the picture of the person, if someone sounds compatible, go on a date, and see if you like them.

What a novel idea, I think you just solved the shidduch crisis...

...NOT! :D

Offline avromie7

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #23 on: March 08, 2021, 03:05:42 PM »
While everyone loves to hate on the shidduch pictures, there is another side to this. Before I started dating my Rebbi told me 2 things:
1) Always see her first
2) Never say no after 1 date.

He said the main reason people say no after 1 date is because of looks, and a girl who isn't pretty will unfortunately be subject to that way too often and it can be very hurtful.
I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all their free time.

Offline Abebee

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #24 on: March 08, 2021, 03:08:14 PM »
While everyone loves to hate on the shidduch pictures, there is another side to this. Before I started dating my Rebbi told me 2 things:
1) Always see her first
2) Never say no after 1 date.

He said the main reason people say no after 1 date is because of looks, and a girl who isn't pretty will unfortunately be subject to that way too often and it can be very hurtful.
Isn't that false hope for the girl if she thought the first date went well?

Offline Dan

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #25 on: March 08, 2021, 03:13:04 PM »
Isn't that false hope for the girl if she thought the first date went well?
The point is you shouldn't judge someone based on one date. Makes sense to me.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Dan

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #26 on: March 08, 2021, 03:14:06 PM »
An even better solution - forget about the picture of the person, if someone sounds compatible, go on a date, and see if you like them.
For me to date someone meant I had to fly somewhere. Why would I do that without seeing a picture?
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline yelped

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #27 on: March 08, 2021, 03:15:41 PM »
For me to date someone meant I had to fly somewhere. Why would I do that without seeing a picture?
There are always exceptions to the rules.

Offline avromie7

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #28 on: March 08, 2021, 03:16:29 PM »
Isn't that false hope for the girl if she thought the first date went well?
The point is you shouldn't judge someone based on one date. Makes sense to me.
He obviously feels that the potential hurt for a girl getting turned down after 1 date is worse.

He also mentioned that it's possible to come to like her with time, but he was very clear that this was not the goal.
I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all their free time.

Offline Abebee

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #29 on: March 08, 2021, 03:19:51 PM »
The point is you shouldn't judge someone based on one date. Makes sense to me.
In the Heimish Chassidish circles were people get engaged between 3-5 dates. Going out a second time is almost 50% there. If someone is physically unattracted or doesn't see it going anywhere after the first date - with all respect to his Rabbi I don't think going out a second time solves anything.

Offline Yonah

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #30 on: March 08, 2021, 03:22:10 PM »
What a novel idea, I think you just solved the shidduch crisis...

...NOT! :D

Forgive my cynicism. I grew up somewhere between Yeshivish and Modern. In practical terms, I went to Yeshivas that were more to the right than my parents, but my parents were not modern - i.e. would never allow us in a coed school/camp. But we also had a TV at home, went to movies, I was allowed by my parents to talk to girls, etc. I lived at home for college, but went to a college where the frum population was one of a handful of students.

As a teenager, I came to the realization that no matter what outward trappings of yiddishkeit you choose to follow, it didn't dictate what was in your heart. I have yeshivish/chasidish friends that I consider to be true and ehrlich, and are the most nice and genuine people I've met. I have met people who raise their noses at you because you don't wear a hat/learned in yeshiva X/ etc., but were caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

When I grew up I realized that I was happy with who I was - both in life and in yiddishkeit. I decided that if I would want to continue doing the things I did and wore a hat - the Yeshivish world would always see me as a faker, where the modern world would see me as a genuinely frum modern person.

... and while I met my wife through friends, I listened to some of my friends crazy shidduch stories and requests - my two favorites:

- Does he wear boxers or briefs?
- She needs to be a size 6, and read the NY Times and WSJ

- I have also heard of families making foolish medical decisions not in the best interests of their kids, but out of fear of ruining their shidduch prospects.

Please don't get me wrong. I don't live in the shidduch world to know the ins and outs, I am just very glad that when I had a choice, I opted out.

Offline zh cohen

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #31 on: March 08, 2021, 03:25:22 PM »
For me to date someone meant I had to fly somewhere. Why would I do that without seeing a picture?

Because they sound like the type of person you want to marry.

Offline Yonah

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #32 on: March 08, 2021, 03:26:07 PM »
He obviously feels that the potential hurt for a girl getting turned down after 1 date is worse.

He also mentioned that it's possible to come to like her with time, but he was very clear that this was not the goal.

Pictures can only disguise looks so much. Is it worse psychologically to get a 1st date and not a second one, or is it worse not to get any dates at all?


Offline Dan

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #33 on: March 08, 2021, 03:26:12 PM »
In the Heimish Chassidish circles were people get engaged between 3-5 dates. Going out a second time is almost 50% there. If someone is physically unattracted or doesn't see it going anywhere after the first date - with all respect to his Rabbi I don't think going out a second time solves anything.
His Rabbi said you need to see a picture. My guess is you should know if you're attracted in most cases before the date...
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Yonah

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #34 on: March 08, 2021, 03:27:44 PM »
For me to date someone meant I had to fly somewhere. Why would I do that without seeing a picture?

For the miles of course :)


Offline Abebee

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #35 on: March 08, 2021, 03:29:08 PM »
His Rabbi said you need to see a picture. My guess is you should know if you're attracted in most cases before the date...
My bad, I though the
1) Always see her first
Was that you shouldn't see a picture, as in always see her in person first

Offline Dan

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #36 on: March 08, 2021, 03:29:43 PM »
Because they sound like the type of person you want to marry.
Would have spent all my miles and time flying around the world.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline AsherO

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #37 on: March 08, 2021, 03:31:50 PM »
While everyone loves to hate on the shidduch pictures, there is another side to this. Before I started dating my Rebbi told me 2 things:
1) Always see her first
2) Never say no after 1 date.

He said the main reason people say no after 1 date is because of looks, and a girl who isn't pretty will unfortunately be subject to that way too often and it can be very hurtful.

On the other extreme you have people who date too long because they're pushed to continue and assured the attraction will come, they then eventually break it off because of looks...

Offline cholent

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #38 on: March 08, 2021, 03:33:05 PM »
I've heard first hand of many situations, including 2 close friends of mine, where one side would have certainly said no to the other based on looks, and even debated doing so after the first date. One of those friends is now married 20 years, the other is approaching their 17th anniversary.
Don't ask stupid questions and you won't get stupid answers

Offline Dan

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #39 on: March 08, 2021, 03:33:12 PM »
He obviously feels that the potential hurt for a girl getting turned down after 1 date is worse.

He also mentioned that it's possible to come to like her with time, but he was very clear that this was not the goal.
Why is getting turned down after 1 date better than after 2?
My feelings about people certainly changed after 2 dates though. It takes time for people to open up!
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.