Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis

[aygart]

G-d killed the הרוג in the parsha of עגלה ערופה too.

The gemara literallt says the Hashem "spends his time" being mezaveg zivugim and is motzi assirim bikosharos.

[aygart]

It's reducing/reversing the imbalance that would presumably improve the situation.

presume at your own risk

[jye]

There’s an age gap, personality gap, religion gap, and who knows how many other gaps that are causing whatever imbalances there are. However one thing is clear to me, there’s no one intelligent enough that can explain (with proof) the cause and solution to this issue.

Which leaves me with a couple thoughts. If God made this problem difficult enough to understand and even more difficult to solve, then the solution can’t be to try and change the world. The answer is to pray. Everything else is make-believe hishtadlus trying to pretend we control the world. Hint: we don’t.

And second, the crisis is not an imbalance between 1000 boys and 1100 girls. The crisis is each individual that didn’t find their one match. Stop believing in the kfira that statistics determine your eligibility to get married, and realize that Hashem has one unique person to match with another. How many of us here think we needed a pool of 1100 people to get married? How many in our pool when we’re 5 are in the same pool at age 22? My pool was completely altered by people moving, changing lifestyle, people becoming religious or leaving it, and etc. How many of our spouses (or ourselves) fit into a comfortable statistical box whose outcome can be manipulated by the favored agenda of the day? The solution, once again, is prayer, not meaningless finger pointing or poorly planned attempts at social engineering.

Didn’t realize a single user can like a post 4 times. I guess he really likes it.

[Bored Bachur]

Didn’t realize a single user can like a post 4 times. I guess he really likes it.

been discussed here https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=126052.msg2778273#msg2778273

[imayid2]

https://vinnews.com/2024/03/18/rav-gershon-ribner-this-one-man-can-solve-the-shidduch-crisis-now/

[jye]

Even more powerful. He says the Roshei Yeshiva don’t really know there’s a holocaust going on because they are personally insulated and most people don’t share the full extent of their pain and suffering with them.

https://rebgershonribner.com/sequel-is-the-rabbinical-establishment-suffering-along-with-the-common-folk

https://rebgershonribner.com/sequel-roshei-yeshiva-who-fear-jeopardizing-their-relationship-with-brisk

[Dan]

there’s a holocaust going on

Godwin strikes again. 

[jye]

Godwin strikes again. 

I guess when he is talking about thousands of frum girls who will never have a family or normal frum life and the numbers are growing, and the middle class family that doesn’t go through gehenom in some form even if they succeed in getting every girl married off, is becoming the exception, you can excuse the analogy.

[Dan]

I guess when he is talking about thousands of frum girls who will never have a family or normal frum life and the numbers are growing, and the middle class family that doesn’t go through gehenom in some form even if they succeed in getting every girl married off, is becoming the exception, you can excuse the analogy.

And that's a true tragedy in its own right, but I don't excuse any holocaust analogy.

[aygart]

I guess when he is talking about thousands of frum girls who will never have a family or normal frum life and the numbers are growing, and the middle class family that doesn’t go through gehenom in some form even if they succeed in getting every girl married off, is becoming the exception, you can excuse the analogy.

I have yet to see real extensive numbers that show this is actually the case. The most I have even seen an indication of is in individual out-of-town communities.

[avromie7]

I guess when he is talking about thousands of frum girls who will never have a family or normal frum life and the numbers are growing, and the middle class family that doesn’t go through gehenom in some form even if they succeed in getting every girl married off, is becoming the exception, you can excuse the analogy.

This sounds like some real alarmist rhetoric.

[Euclid]

I have yet to see real extensive numbers

Can be said about most issues in the frum community: there's a severe lack of data in general so you'll never get hard numbers. It's the inverse of garbage in, garbage out.

[jye]

This sounds like some real alarmist rhetoric.

Rav Elya Ber has used similar “rhetoric”. Anyone who thinks this is an isolated problem in Lakewood or in town has his head in the sand. Speak to the Shadchanim. I have nieces who are several years out of seminary with hardly a call. Some of their friends have never gone out once. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.

[yitzgar]

Rav Elya Ber has used similar “rhetoric”. Anyone who thinks this is an isolated problem in Lakewood or in town has his head in the sand. Speak to the Shadchanim. I have nieces who are several years out of seminary with hardly a call. Some of their friends have never gone out once. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.

This has been rehashed many times, but the crisis isn't that girls (or boys) aren't getting calls or dates. It is if they aren't getting married. Is there a discrepancy between boys and girls of a particular age considered "older" that aren't married?

[ushdadude]

Can this immense pressure be partially to blame for the early divorce crisis?

[avromie7]

Can this immense pressure be partially to blame for the early divorce crisis?

"If you don't get engaged within the first 3 months out of seminary, there may not be any boys left for you"

[Euclid]

Can this immense pressure be partially to blame for the early divorce crisis?

There's a crisis?

I have yet to see real extensive numbers that show this is actually the case.

[ushdadude]

There's a crisis?

any early marriage divorce (even not in large numbers) is call for alarm

[ushdadude]

Can be said about most issues in the frum community: there's a severe lack of data in general so you'll never get hard numbers. It's the inverse of garbage in, garbage out.

That's similar to saying "where in shulchan aruch does it say..."

Not everything needs to be black and white for it to be true

[aygart]

That's similar to saying "where in shulchan aruch does it say..."

Not everything needs to be black and white for it to be true

Making major changes based on anecdotes is a sure way to have serious unintended consequences. Very sloppy.